She looked up at the ceiling as if trying to regain her composure. When she looked down at me again, that determined look returned. “I know you are because I made you. Life will constantly lay heavy shit on your shoulders in order to knock you down.”
I gaped at hearing her curse.
She gave me a tiny smile. “You will fall. You will fall many times. Sometimes the fall will hurt more than you ever thought possible and you will feel like you don’t want to get back up. Like right now, for example. But you will, and when you do, you will be stronger.”
“You make it sound so easy.” I wiped my face.
“I know it’s not,” she said, stroking the back of my head.
“Have you ever fallen and absolutely could not get back up?” I asked her.
She got a sad look in her eye and nodded.
“Then how did you get back up?”
“Your father helped me.”
“What am I supposed to do if I ever reach that point?”
She got to her feet and held out her hand. “Then I’ll help you, honey.”
I opened my eyes to the sound of Knox’s voice. “She reset the alarm. That means she’s in the house somewhere.”
“Is she in this room? The one that’s locked?” I heard Keelan say before I heard banging. “Shiloh!”
I didn’t move. I didn’t respond. I just lay there with my cheek resting on the cold wood floor. I was completely numb, inside and out.
“There’s blood on the floor in her bedroom,” I heard Knox say just before my closet door was ripped open and I saw his shoes. “I found her!” he shouted and rushed in. He knelt next to me. “Shiloh?”
“Go away,” I whispered.
He moved some of my hair away from my face and let out a curse. “What happened?”
“Please, go away,” I whispered again.
“Where are you?” Colt yelled from my bedroom before the closet door was opened wider. “Is she alright?”
I could hear his worry and it took away some of the numbness. Fresh tears filled my eyes.
“Colt, take Creed and go get the first aid kit from home,” Knox ordered.
“Why do we both have to go?” I heard Creed ask. “Is she alright? I want to see her.”
“Damnit!” Knox roared. “Do as I say and go.”
“Come on,” Colt said, and I heard footsteps retreating.
“What can I do?” I heard Keelan ask.
“Just keep them back.”
“She’s their girlfriend, Knox,” Keelan said.
“That doesn’t fucking matter right now,” Knox snapped and shifted to sit next to me. He brushed more of my hair away from my face. “Shiloh.” His voice took on a gentleness I couldn’t stand.
I closed my eyes. “Please, go.”
“You know I can’t do that. You’re pretty banged up.”
I don’t care.
“How did this happen?” he asked.
“I fell.”
“Did you lose consciousness?”
I opened my eyes and tears rolled out. “If it was more than just a cut, I think it would have killed me by now.”
Knox was quiet for a few breaths. “Were you hoping that would happen? Is that why you came in here instead of getting it looked at?”
I’d come in here because I needed to feel safe, but what did it matter?
“Shiloh,” he admonished.
“I don’t want to care anymore.” More tears leaked from my eyes. “So please, just go.”
“You’re giving up?”
“I’m wondering why I didn’t do it sooner,” I admitted. “Why did I fight so hard to escape him? He killed them. I had nothing left.”
“You wanted to live.”
“I didn’t know it would be this hard.” My voice broke as my pain rushed in, washing away the numbness completely.
“It will get easier,” he said. “If you give up, you’ll never see that.”
I didn’t believe him. “Prove it.”
He went quiet for a while. Just when I thought he was about to give up and leave, he said, “I was thirteen when my mom died from lung cancer. She never smoked a day in her life.”
I hadn’t expected him to say that. The guys never really talked about their mother. All I really knew about her was that she had passed away when Colt and Creed had been six and Knox and Keelan had her eyes.
“Months before she passed, she became bedridden and was hooked up to an oxygen concentrator that made this constant vibrating noise,” Knox continued and there was a slight strain to his voice. “It was so loud it could be heard everywhere in our old home. I couldn’t tune it out and when I went to school, the sound refused to leave my head. I hated it.” He paused. To compose himself, maybe? I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t see his face. “The sound was a constant reminder that my mother was going to die and my world was falling apart.” He scooted so he could lie down on his back and we were finally talking face-to-face. “I’m not telling you this so I can say I understand what you’re going through. But with my loss, I know what it’s like for every minute of every day to feel hard with no ending in sight.”