He chuckled. “I’m so proud of you right now.”
I pushed to my feet.
“You’re stronger. More confident,” he said.
I fisted my hands at my sides, not liking how things were shifting.
“I know you hit a bump in the road recently, but when we fall, we get back up stronger. You got back up stronger, Shi.”
How dare he use my mother’s words. “You don’t get to do that,” I seethed. “You don’t get to show up and pass judgment on my life based on the few hours you’ve been here. You have no idea how hard it’s been.”
“That’s it, isn’t it?” he asked. “You’re pissed I left.”
I ground my teeth.
“You know why I had to leave,” he said.
That was the lie that broke my control. I charged him. I swung. He ducked. “You didn’t have to do anything!” I screamed at him and swung at him again. He caught my wrist. “You lied to me!” I yanked my wrist free. “You left me when I needed you!” I went to shove him and he let me. He stumbled back a step. “You wanted revenge! Catching X was more important to you than me!” I shoved him again, but he braced for it. So I tried again. He didn’t budge. “You’re all I have left and you left me!” I slammed my fists on his chest and he caught me by my wrists. I choked on a sob. Tears were already pouring down my cheeks. “I needed you.”
Logan tried to wrap his arms around me, but I yanked out of his hold. “No! Don’t fucking touch me!” I stormed toward the door, passing a shocked-looking Creed and Knox.
21
“You left your shoes behind,” Knox said as he stared down at me. “Keelan has them.”
I tightened my arms around my legs. “Okay.”
“Why did you decide to hide in here?” he asked me. “Keelan’s office is right across the hall.”
I was sitting behind his desk on the floor. “I’m not hiding.”
“That didn’t answer my question,” he grumbled.
Because I need you, I almost said. I hated that I had three wonderful guys who made me happy, yet I couldn’t stop feeling his absence. “I shouldn’t have come in here,” I said and got to my feet.
He didn’t stop me as I walked by and headed for the door. Chase me, I begged in my head. I made it all the way to the door and stopped walking.
Stop being a coward, Shiloh.
Instead of walking out, I spun around. I met Knox’s eyes. He was standing behind his desk, his hands in his pockets. “You said to me once that you only apologize to people you care about. You never came to me. You didn’t try to make things right with me. Or was avoiding me your way of telling me you didn’t want to?”
He looked away and I felt my heart crack.
“Did the other morning mean anything to you?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “It did.”
“Then why? Is it because I refused to sit back and let you dictate what’s best for me?”
“No.”
“Damn it, Knox!” I exploded, moving closer to him, leaving only the desk between us. “Use your fucking words and tell me why you don’t want me!”
Anger etched his features. “I want you. I want you so bad it’s driving me insane!”
I held my arms out at my sides. “Then what’s holding you back?”
He pointed to the door behind me. “Them.”
“What about them?”
“If your relationship with them doesn’t work or if it causes a rift between them, they’re going to need someone who wasn’t involved to bring them back together,” he finally admitted.
There went the rest of my heart. Shattered. I wasn’t worth the risk to him and what was really messed up was that I couldn’t be mad at him for it. He was ensuring his family wasn’t going to fall apart. “Thank you for telling me,” I forced out and numbly walked out the door.
Creed and Keelan were standing in the hall. By their somber expressions, they had overheard. Keelan was holding my shoes.
I held my hand out for them and without a word, Keelan handed them over. “Can someone take me home?” I asked.
Keelan looked at Creed. “You take her home.” He tilted his head slightly toward Knox’s office door. “I need to be here a little longer.”
Creed nodded. The two of them were quiet as I put my shoes on and grabbed my gym bag from Keelan’s office. Once I was all set to leave, Keelan kissed my head goodbye and went into Knox’s office. Creed laced his fingers with mine and the two of us went home.