I’m too afraid to think past what I know, and apparently, I don’t know shit. Nothing recent, anyway.
The doctor said this happens more than people realize, that memory loss, while less common than not, isn’t abnormal in concussion-related injuries. He said as soon as my brain has had time to heal, things will slowly come back to me, that they’re hopeful, and I should be too.
I want to be, but there’s this helplessness I can’t shake, and I think my twin senses it.
Sniffling, I look up, and he wipes my tears with the pads of his thumbs, attempting a smile, but it never quite breaks free.
“If you do get a hold of them, I don’t think we should tell them until they’re home.” I try to busy his mind with something a little less about me. “They’ll just stress the whole way back.”
“I was thinking the same thing.” He nods, rubbing his eyes like he used to do when we were little.
I reach out, gripping his hand. “Go home, Mase.”
His head jerks my way, and he sits up straight. “What, no, I’m good.”
“No, I’m good, I promise.” When it’s obvious he doesn’t agree, I add, “Plus, I want to try and take a shower. Nurse Becky said I can, with help. I just have to work around my IV.”
“I can help,” he argues.
“Mase, your sister will be naked in said shower,” Cameron teases, knowing he didn’t think it through. “Just go, I went home for a few hours last night, and we both know Ari will be bored of hearing us and ready to pass out again in another hour anyway.” She pokes fun.
Mason scoffs a laugh, aware of what she’s doing, but he’s exhausted, and he knows I’m in good hands. The risks are gone, so if there’s a perfect time for him to go, it’s now.
“Yeah, all right. I’ve got something to do anyway.”
“Yeah, like sleep.”
His smirk is small as he presses his lips to my hair. “Be back soon, okay? Have Cam call me if you need me. I’ll come right back.”
“I know and I will.”
He grabs some things off the chair, and with one last look back, he walks out.
My shoulders fall instantly, and when I turn to Cameron, her eyes begin to water.
“Come on, girlfriend,” she whispers as she stands. “Let’s get you all fresh.”
It takes several minutes for me to get up on my feet, but it’s faster than it was the day before when the nurse asked me to walk across the room and back.
Everything still aches, but I’ve got some of my movements down to know which ways sting a little less.
Cameron pulls my IV bag as close as she, allowing for the most stretch possible, and I slip under the spray, Cameron not a foot from me the entire time.
Once I’ve washed my body the best I can manage, I gently apply shampoo in my hair, careful not to touch the scrapes now scabbing over on the left side of my head, in fear of it stinging.
Cameron pokes her head in to help squeeze some conditioner into my palms, and the minute I lather it into the ends of my hair, my eyes decide to close, a strange flicker of something bringing a frown to my face.
I lean against the wall, lift the tips of my hair to my nose and inhale again.
The soap, it has an almost piney, eucalyptus scent, but fresh and clean and… familiar.
An unexpected warmth washes over me, but it brings tears of confusion with it, and suddenly, I’m gasping for air I didn’t know I was denying myself.
“You okay?” Cameron asks from the other side of the curtain.
“Mm-hm.” My closed-mouthed response gives me away.
Cam pokes her head in, a shadow falling over her eyes as they meet mine. “Ari…”
“Can you, um, help rinse with conditioner really fast?” I ask, letting her know I don’t want to talk about it, without saying it. “I can’t stand here any longer.”
She pushes the curtain back with a nod, unfazed by the water splashing all over her sweat suit, and gently spins me, grabbing my hair in her hands. “Let’s just wash this out. I brought leave-in for you days ago, just in case, so we can work some of that in once you’re sitting.”
I nod again, and she gets to work. As she’s turning off the water and passing me a towel, I whisper her name.
“Cam?”
“Honey bunny.”
“Thank you.” I don’t mean to cry. “For this. For being here. For all things I can’t remember, but I’m sure you were there for the last few months.”
“I’ll always be here, Ari, you know that.” Cameron sniffles as she ties my gown back into place, gently moving my hair to one side. She slips in front of me, tears wobbling in her eyes. “No matter what.”