“A little bit,” she said. “God, Cameron. You don’t deserve this.”
“I told you, I understand. But I think we should go home. I think maybe you could use some time alone. I don’t think being with me right now is helping much.”
She reached across the table to touch his hand. “I don’t want you to think it wasn’t a wonderful weekend. For a while there, I really was far away. I needed that.”
“It came with a little pain. That’s the last thing I wanted for you.”
“I know. I’m the one who should have known better.”
“I have to believe it’ll just keep getting easier.”
“Probably,” she said. But she didn’t say it with much confidence.
The ride back from the coast was pretty quiet in Cameron’s car. He attempted conversation a few times, but Vanni didn’t have much to say. They had to pull into a rest stop for a while for Vanni to nurse and change the baby, so he walked around outside, giving her privacy. He stayed close, feeling protective. He reached across the console to hold her hand a few times as they drove, and she squeezed his hand affectionately, but she smiled at him with regret and sadness in her eyes and it filled him with a foreboding. He had wanted their weekend together to be just the beginning, but he had a feeling it was going the other way.
It was about two in the afternoon when they came up to the general’s house. Cameron stopped short of the drive. Parked outside the circular driveway in a nice neat row were the general’s SUV, Tommy’s little truck, Paul’s big truck.
Vanessa stared at the vehicles, gazing out the window, her mouth set in a serious line. Waiting on the front stoop was Paul. He stood as Cameron’s car came into view and Vanessa’s eyes were locked on him. He had something in his hand, like a pebble or sliver of wood that he tossed. He hooked his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans and looked anxiously at Vanessa. “Damn,” Cameron said. “I’m such an idiot.”
Vanessa turned to look at Cameron. She lifted her chin. There it was, in her eyes. All of it.
“It wasn’t your husband’s memory that made you cry,” he said, suddenly understanding so much more than he wanted to. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Because,” she said, tears threatening to fill her eyes. “There’s nothing to tell.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” he asked, indicating Paul.
“I have no idea why he’s here. He has someone.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“I’m pretty sure.”
“But you love him.”
She gave a hiccup of emotion. “I’m just very confused. We were so close. Matt, the baby, everything…”
“Vanessa,” he said sincerely. “You were never honest about that.”
“I didn’t know what to be honest about! I’m trying to move on. Really.”
“All right,” he said, shaking his head. “All right, don’t cry. Please.”
“I told you I didn’t want to mislead you,” she said, but then she lifted her chin, sniffed back her tears and said, “I mean nothing to him. We’re just good friends.”
“Well, that’s obviously not true.” He glanced at Paul, who was waiting for them to stop talking and pull up. “He’s here. He’s waiting for me to bring you back. You might’ve told me you had feelings for him. I’ve been straight with you. You know I’d like to get something started between us. You should have been clear—you’re not available.”
“Cameron, please, I tried to warn you about expectations. Please, don’t make this worse. I don’t want you to think I just used you.”
“You certainly didn’t do that. You could have. I would have welcomed that, but no—you weren’t ready. Now I understand why.” He laughed without humor. “God, I’ve made a classic fool of myself.” He took a breath. “Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to check back with you later—much later. See where you are. Maybe you’ll be free. Maybe not. But I’m out of this triangle.”
“It’s not—”
“It is,” he said. “I could handle what I thought I was up against. I didn’t know you were in love with someone else.” He took his foot off the brake and coasted forward. When he stopped in front of Paul, he jumped out, went to the passenger side of the SUV and opened the door for Vanni. He then went into the back, pulled out her small suitcase and the stroller, taking them to Paul. “Hey, buddy,” he said. “Make yourself useful.”