“Sure,” Paul said, taking them to the front door.
Cameron got Mattie out of the car seat and before passing him to Vanessa, took a long slow moment to put a little kiss on his head. Then as he passed the baby to Vanni, he placed a soft kiss on her lips. Against them he said, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out better.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered back.
“Here’s your good boy,” Cameron said, passing the baby.
“I had a lovely time,” she said softly. “Thank you for everything.”
He couldn’t resist. He touched her hair, gazed into her eyes. Out of Paul’s earshot he said, “I hope I get a chance to show you I’m a better deal. I can be there for you through all this crap. I’d never let you down, never leave you to wonder how I felt. Never.” He took a breath. “I hope the son of a bitch disappoints you.”
She laughed hollowly. “I’m sure that’s exactly what’s going to happen.” She held her son against her chest and put her palm against his cheek. “Thank you for being so understanding. You’ve been very decent.”
He laughed. “That wasn’t my original idea.” He became serious. “You know my number, in case you’re ever ready to move on. I mean, really move on.”
Paul stood near the front door with Vanessa’s suitcase in one hand and the stroller in the other, watching as they said goodbye. It was sheer torture. The soft kiss, the whispers, the hand against his face. It was all so sweet, so tender. Oh God, he thought. I’ve lost her forever. Again.
When Cameron got back in his car and drove away, Vanessa walked briskly up to the front door. Paul stood there wearing a hangdog look and rather than making her long for him, it set her on edge. Everything in her life would be different right now if he’d leveled with her from the start, if he’d made himself clear—he was committed elsewhere and she was merely a good friend. He opened the door for her and she walked right past him. “Hello, Paul. Have a nice weekend?”
“Not so much. You?”
“Lovely, thanks.”
“I need to talk to you. It’s important.”
“What can be so important?” she asked, breezing through the foyer. “Hi, Dad,” she called as she passed by him en route to her bedroom. Paul followed her with her luggage and the stroller.
“If you could just give me a few minutes. I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have waited,” she said, laying little Matt in the crib, busying herself with his diaper. “You could have just as easily returned my calls. Or maybe made a few calls of your own.” She looked at him and said, “You keep saying we have things to talk about, then I don’t hear from you.”
“That’s what I have to talk about. I want to explain. Vanni, please.”
She looked at him and saw that he was miserable and she didn’t care. She hoped he was in agony. “All right. Go ahead.”
He looked nervously over both shoulders. “Can we go someplace?”
“Why?”
He leaned toward her. “Because it’s tremendously personal. How’s that?”
“Would you like to close the door?” she asked, lifting one mocking eyebrow.
“No, I wouldn’t like to close the door!” He took a breath. Don’t get mad at her, he told himself. She was just acting on instinct. Just trying to have a life after all that death. He couldn’t get mad about that. He of all people. “Maybe we could go for a ride?”
“I don’t think so. I’m just back from a long ride. Let me change the baby. Then if you want to, we can walk outside. Will that do?”
“I guess it’ll have to,” he said in a definite pout. And then he slowly got sucked into touching the baby’s head, smiling into his face and making him smile back. The diaper came off and Mattie sent up a stream of urine that appeared four feet high, which Paul ducked and Vanessa covered quickly, making them both laugh. “All right,” Paul said. “We’ll just take a walk outside. Is he good? Not hungry?”
“He’s been fed,” she said. “I’ll just put him in his bouncy seat out by Dad, if it’s okay with him.”
“Okay. Thanks.” He backed away a little, slipping his fingers into his back pockets. He had to keep doing that because he wanted to touch her so much, and this would be a bad, bad time. The look on her face indicated she was maybe inches from wanting to belt him.