Ashleigh Avila→Kitty Jackson
Dearest Kit Kat: Lulu, Dolly, etc., are totally on board to participate in a doc about your relationship with General B and your positive impact on humanity! PLEASE give it some thought. Gentle reminder: I have nothing to gain from this. My only concern is your future and your wish to fend off grandma roles.
Kitty→Ashleigh
You lying bitch, don’t pretend you don’t want a production credit.
Ashleigh→Kitty
Well, I am producing the film.
Kitty→Ashleigh
Reality check: there is no film. There was no “relationship” that I’m willing to discuss. I am a middle-aged B-list actress, and you are one more NYU film school grad who’s gone on to do squat.
Ashleigh→Kitty
C-list. Fuck you, too.
Ashleigh→Kitty
Bitch I am actually angry with you.
Kitty→Ashleigh
Lmk when tantrum ends. Asking myself if I really need an assistant, esp. one who knows nothing about dressage?
Kitty→Ashleigh
Hell-oo-ooo. Still tantruming?
Kitty→Ashleigh
Asking myself: if we’re not speaking anymore, why am I paying you?
Ashleigh→Kitty
Because no one else would put up with your sorry ass.
Kitty→Ashleigh
I love you, too.
3
Lulu Kisarian→Jules Jones
Dear Jules Jones,
I am a longtime admirer of your work, especially Suicide Tour, the most amazing book-length work of rock-and-roll journalism I’ve ever read. I’m also a family friend: your sister, Stephanie Salazar, worked with my mother, Dolly Peale, for many years, and you taught me to play Dungeons & Dragons with Chris and Colin （RIP） in a game I joined occasionally. I led Bennie Salazar’s marketing team starting in college, helping to produce Scotty Hausmann’s Footprint Concert among many others.
I’m writing now with an out-of-the-blue request: would you have any interest in interviewing Hollywood icon Jazz Attenborough about his passion for speedboats? I’m well aware of your dislike of celebrity culture, but Attenborough is apparently a huge Conduits fan, knows all their lyrics, and will doubtless have read Suicide Tour. Please let me know.
Awaiting your reply, Lulu Peale Kisarian
Jules Jones→Lulu Kisarian
Dear Lulu,
I remember you. Dimples, right? Wasn’t your character a spy?
Couple of questions:
1. What publication is seeking an interview with Jazz Attenborough?
2. Whom are you representing?
Yours, JJ
Lulu→Jules
Dear Jules,
I left out that information because I feared that the answers might not please you. Honest reply: there is no publication yet. My goal is to pitch this project to Jazz Attenborough AFTER you have signed on. In other words, your name and clout are essential to the success of this undertaking.
Hoping flattery and curiosity will outweigh frustration and impatience.
Awaiting your reply, Lulu
Jules→Lulu
You still haven’t answered my second question: What is your part in all this? Is it a moneymaking venture for you （hard to believe）？