I smile, folding my hands before me, as if this is the opening summit of the model UN. 揥hy would anything be wrong??
She points at my face. 揟hat. That is the weirdest, fakest smile I抳e ever seen. You look like you were possessed by an alien attempting to inhabit human form for the first time. One who抯 not sure how the smiling thing works.?
My lips purse. 揑抦 just trying to be a model employee. Making partner and all that.?
揙h-kay, boss,?she says. There抯 a knock on my door, and when she sees Ben standing there, his ever-present smirk absent, she laughs out loud. 揧ou抮e telling me later,?she whispers.
He waits until she抯 through the door before he walks in. He抯 in a fresh suit, but he抯 forgotten to shave, and his hair is even more fucked-up than normal. I hate how good guilt makes him look.
揑抦 sorry,?he says.
I drag my eyes to his face. 揑t抯 fine.?
揑f it was fine,?he replies, carefully enunciating each word, 搚ou wouldn抰 be pissed.?
揑抦 not pissed. Pissed would involve caring and I don抰。 It抯 forgotten.?
He takes a single step toward my desk and leans over it, his face two feet from mine. His eyes have gone black as night. 揧ou are full of shit.?
He pushes away and walks out of the office, leaving me with my mouth ajar. What the hell was that? He抯 mad? I抦 the one who gets to be pissed, not him.
I didn抰 expect anything from yesterday and I certainly didn抰 expect him to act like it meant something梥o why is he?
And why is my heart thumping, as if I wanted it to mean something too?
I manage to make it through the morning behaving like a reasonable human being and not, as Terri suggested, an alien inhabiting human form. The effort leaves me feeling like I want to sleep for a thousand years, like I抦 incapable of faking even one more polite smile for as long as I live. And then the reminder pops up on my computer screen: partner/senior associates meeting, and my stomach drops. God, why today?
Terri抯 mouth twitches when I exit my office. 揇on抰 think just because you buried me in work this morning that I抳e forgotten what I抦 going to ask.?
I frown at her. 揥hy bother asking? You抳e clearly figured it out.?
揧es,?she says with a wide grin. 揃ut it抯 the difference between reading Fifty Shades and having someone tell you 憈hey had sex? I need all the dirty details.?
I grimace. 揑 assure you, you won抰 be getting anything close to Fifty Shades from me. It would be one shade that was thirty seconds long, and no one抯 buying that book.?
It was way more than thirty seconds and a whole rainbow of shades, but this is the story I抦 trying to tell myself.
I make a point of facing Fields?position at the table抯 head, but when Ben enters the room, the right side of my body tingles, as if his gaze is a physical thing. I turn and my eyes lock with his.
They always lock with his, though, don抰 they? Every time I抳e ever sat at this table with him, every time for two freaking years, Ben抯 been looking at me whenever I turned, and I抳e been looking right back. Every single time there抯 been this same clench of want in my stomach, this same half second in which it抯 impossible to look away.
I think of the hunger in his face as he watched mine last night, the strain. Him saying, 揑抳e wanted to watch you come for so fucking long.?I swallow hard and turn my chair away from him, facing the front of the room, where Fields has already begun to drone on.
He talks about billables and the retreat, and then he asks us to each to give him a quick status on our clients.
When he gets to my nemesis, Ben glances at me before he speaks. 揟he Lawson suit against Fiducia is coming along. We抳e found plenty in the personnel files. Now we抮e looking at expense reports.?He抯 just summed up my work, and the only substantial thing I had to report. 揥e抮e ready for the class-action in Charlotte, and I抦 meeting with Brewer Campbell later. They抮e sending a lot of work our way, so it抯 going to be all-hands-on-deck soon.?
The point of my pencil snaps. Brewer Campbell is the client he stole from me, and now he抯 bragging about it. And he didn抰 say a thing about the cases he抯 assigned to boring Craig, which means I抦 the only one at the meeting left with nothing to report.
揋emma??Fields asks. 揂nything??
I grind my teeth. Having to follow up Ben抯 coup with absolutely nothing fills me with loathing for him all over again. 揑抳e been pretty buried with the Lawson case,?I tell him, sounding like a goddamned intern. 揂nd Roberts was supposed to go to mediation but they postponed.?
Have you brought more work to the firm, Gemma? No.
Have you spearheaded something on your own? No.
Did you just let the worst person here fuck you on his desk? Yes. Yes, I did.