There is no chance Natalie Brenner will hire Craig. None. Which means Fields figured she wasn抰 going to hire us anyway, and is simply doing this to humiliate me, to let me know I抦 not forgiven for what happened with Webber.
What exactly did I do wrong, aside from refusing to sleep my way into a job? Nothing, but that抯 all it takes. Men will vilify you for enjoying sex, and they抣l vilify you for using it to get ahead卋ut they抣l punish you if you don抰 enjoy it, if you don't use it to get ahead.
There should be more choices left to me than either slut or prude. And I wonder if I抦 going to have to leave this firm entirely to be allowed to choose one.
Ben is angrier about the situation than I am.
揑 don抰 understand why you stay,?he says the minute he walks into my apartment that night. 揟his is hardly the first time he抯 been an asshole to you.?
揑 want to make partner,?I say, dousing my pad Thai in siracha. 揘othing more, nothing less.?
揥hy do you want it so badly??He looks around us. 揧ou don抰 seem to spend much, aside from the shoes.?
揃ecause of bullshit like today,?I reply, my voice sharp as a new wave of anger rolls over me. 揟here was nothing you could have done, but there needs to be a woman in the room to keep this stuff from happening in the first place. If there抎 been a single female partner at FMG, I抎 probably have told her about the first incident with Webber. And I抦 tired of having to listen to Fields when he tells me I can抰 do pro bono work or tries to whore me out to a client. I want a say, and nothing else can matter until I get it.?
I see a glimmer of doubt in his eyes, as if he suspects there抯 more to the story梬hich there is, of course. I抦 relieved he doesn抰 persist. 揑f we抮e going to keep doing this,?he says instead, 搘e should probably go to HR.?
Technically, we are supposed to sign a consensual relationship agreement, indemnifying FMG from any issues that arise because we, as colleagues, are dating.
Technically, the failure to do this is also why I lost my last job.
Except this thing with Ben is temporary. 揑s that really necessary??I ask.
His smile is half-hearted. 揂h, right. You want the widowed veteran instead.?
He抯 only in boxers, so it takes me a second to remember I have no desire to end up with Ben Tate, that somewhere out in the world my future husband is still waiting for me to hit rock bottom and change everything about myself. For the first time, the idea of it makes me sad, rather than hopeful.
揤eterinarian, and he doesn抰 have to be widowed, just so we抮e clear.?I hand him chopsticks. 揑抎 prefer he not be because people always glorify the dead, so he抎 probably always secretly be like my first wife was so much better, and I抎 have no clue he chose to be buried with her instead of me until he died. So, yeah, fuck that. No widowers. I guess I didn抰 think that through.?
揧ou didn抰 think a lot of it through,?he mutters. 揂nd how is this guy supposed to surprise you with this Iceland proposal? It抯 not like it抯 a daytrip. And how抯 he supposed to get a children抯 choir there? Does he have relatives in Iceland who work at a school??
揟hat抯 his problem,?I reply, stirring the noodles with the end of my chopsticks. 揑 planned the proposal; if he can抰 even propose without me lining up the music, well棓 I throw out my arms, as if to say, 搊bviously it won抰 work.?
揑s this a good time to point out you抎 hate living in a small town? Where will you get your a鏰i bowl??
揑 didn抰 say a town off the side of a highway. I meant a charming town. There will be loads of a鏰i places there.?
He raises a brow, but what does he know about small towns? He grew up in fucking Newport. 揂nd what will you do during your free time? Because I presume that, once married and living in this small town, you will no longer be working twelve-hour days??
I抦 not sure why he抯 persisting with this line of questioning. My future plans feel forced now, a little joyless, like New Year抯 resolutions I wish I hadn抰 made.
揥e抣l go on walks. We抣l pick apples. We抣l go to our favorite cafe, where a well-intentioned but nosy proprietor checks on us too frequently and tells us about her grandchildren.?
揧ou hate hearing about people抯 grandchildren.?
揧es, people here, because their grandchildren are boring. Carol抯 will be mischievous scamps who call me Aunt Gemma and want to sit on my lap.?
He leans back in his seat. 揥ho抯 Carol??
揟he proprietor of the cafe. Keep up, Ben.?
He smiles, and this time it抯 less strained than it was. I抦 weirdly pleased by that.
揙kay, so you and your veterinarian husband will pick apples, which are only in season for a matter of weeks.?He refills my wine. 揑 think you抮e going to have to come up with a few more activities in that small town of yours or you抣l die of boredom.?