I sit up, holding the sheet to my chest. 揇o all your brothers come??
He hitches a shoulder. 揋raham lives on the east coast, and Colin抯 doing his residency, so they抮e kind of hit or miss. Today it抯 just my mom and stepdad, and my brother Simon.?
揑 didn抰 know your mom got remarried,?I tell him.
His tongue taps his lip, and he turns away to grab his shoes. 揧eah.?
揧ou don抰 like him??I ask.
He looks wary as he glances over his shoulder at me. 揑 do. He抯 a great guy. And things were pretty difficult until he came along.?
I almost make a joke about what difficult means to a spoiled rich kid from Newport, but manage to stop myself. Someone could easily say the same thing to me桰 was once a spoiled rich kid from DC too. 揇ifficult in what way??I ask.
揗y mom completely shut down after my dad died,?he says, perching on the edge of the bed. 揟hey figured out later that it was probably shock and post-partum depression, but it went on for a while, and I never stopped being scared she抎卨eave us again.?
揝hut down how??I ask. My foot slides toward his thigh, suddenly needing contact.
He leans forward to tie his shoes. 揝he couldn抰 stop crying. Couldn抰 even sit at the table through dinner, and it was often like卻he抎 forgotten we were there. I never once left for school without being scared shitless that Simon would walk off into traffic because she wasn抰 watching him, or that she抎 forget to feed Colin.?
I picture it all, and it hits me somewhere deep in the chest. He was only ten at the time. It hurt to watch my mom suffering, but it would be terrifying to be so little and feel responsible for three siblings. 揑抦 so sorry,?I whisper. 揌ow long did it last??
揂 while,?he says, as if the specifics are too dark for him to delve into. 揃ut it remained hard for a long time. Every time things went wrong…I was petrified she抎 be pushed over the edge.?
He must hope he抣l find someone stable, someone who plans to stick around. Maybe he抯 not inviting me along today because he knows I抦 neither of those things.
32
Two weeks before Christmas, Ben stops by my office. He抯 on his way out of town for a weekend in Palm Springs with his friends. I look away from those keys in his hand, the reminder he抯 leaving.
揝o do you have plans??he asks, in the manner of someone who very much hopes I抣l say I have them.
揔eeley mentioned a party.?This is not a lie, in that Keeley did mention a party, but is a lie, in that I have no intention of going.
The relief on his face is palpable, and if this were anything, if this was more than enemies-with-benefits, I抎 probably be really hurt by that. I抳e seen enough of Drew抯 Instagram feed to know he抯 brought other women along in the past, and that they were idiots. Women he should have been ashamed of梑ut I抦 the one he doesn抰 want to bring.
揝o where is this party??he asks.
My patience with him is fraying. 揅ertainly, you抮e not going away for your nebulous friends?weekend and thinking you get to grill me about what I抣l do in your absence??I ask tartly.
揘ebulous??he repeats.
I hide a wince. I sounded more jealous than I intended. 揗y point is that you抮e going away for the entire weekend, somewhere, and with some people, and that抯 fine. So it抯 a little weird to have you grilling me about the small party I抣l be at with Keeley for a few hours.?
A muscle in his jaw contracts once, like the single beat of a heart. 揇on抰 take a drink you didn抰 see being made,?he says.
揃en, I抦 not eighteen, and this isn抰 my first rodeo,?I reply, dismissing him, irritated by my disappointment.
Because I was really hoping he抎 tell me not to go home with someone else. And I don抰 know why I wanted it, when I抎 have refused to agree anyway.
I check Instagram on Saturday morning. Drew hasn抰 posted a single thing yet. Maybe Ben抯 not with her. Maybe he抯 actually on a romantic weekend away, just him and a blond named Lotus who is extremely flexible and thinks 9-11 was a conspiracy because she wasn抰 born when it happened.
He texts but I抦 not pleased, I抦 resentful. How抯 it possible that I抦 not as invite-worthy as a girl who doesn抰 know the difference between your and you抮e?
Ben: This place is spectacular. We should come here for the weekend.
We could have gone there THIS weekend if you抎 fucking invited me.
Me: I don抰 see having any free weekends for a while.
I run to Victoria抯 apartment on my way into the office to meet a friend of hers. 揚aperwork issue? she was told, when her daughter wasn抰 released from juvenile detention as planned, 搕hings slow down because of the holidays? as if that抯 a valid excuse to keep a fourteen-year-old girl locked up. It抯 in no way my area of the law, but if you have a lawyer who can call on your behalf, casually throwing around phrases like standard of care and civil penalties, you tend to come out better than when you don抰。