* * *
Edward’s ‘hello’ from the hallway wakes me with a jolt. He’s back.
I sit bolt upright in the bedsheets, panic coursing through me as I try to remember my plan, or if I even had a plan, my thoughts ricocheting through my mind.
From the safety of the bed, I listen to him moving about the apartment, dropping his bags, removing his coat, and wonder how I am going to get through what is coming next without Edward, without anyone to share this with.
I force myself out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where I find him making breakfast. He looks up with a smile that I do not deserve and I head straight to him, squeezing him as tight as I can.
He leans down to kiss me, mistaking my silent embrace for a warm welcome home.
‘Hey, sleepyhead. How have you been?’ he asks. ‘Get up to anything exciting while I was away?’ I do not answer and when I unbury my head from his chest he laughs.
‘Let it be noted,’ he says, breaking away from me to flip whatever he is cooking in the pan, ‘that I am actually cooking.’
He’s happy; his trip must have gone well. ‘Listen, I love Chinese food,’ he says, by way of explanation, ‘but I have not been able to stop thinking about bacon and eggs for two days straight.’ He stops while pulling milk from the fridge, suddenly noticing I haven’t said a word yet. ‘Are you okay?’ he asks with concern. ‘You look a little pale, or something. Is the baby okay?’
I give him a half-hearted smile, the desire to tell him and not tell him almost unbearable. ‘No. I’m fine. Still half asleep.’
He slips a hand around my waist, resting it on my abdomen. ‘How’s it all going in there? When’s the next scan again?’
‘Day after tomorrow,’ I answer, as cheerfully as I can, the idea of bringing a baby into the current situation beyond terrifying. I tell myself it’s going to be okay because, somehow, I am going to fix all of this. I will make sure that we are safe and that Edward’s father can’t ever hurt us, that my past can’t hurt us.
Edward looks at me with so much love in his eyes I want to burst.
‘Okay, no laughing. I’ll say a boy’s name, you say a girl’s. Ready?’
‘Ready,’ I smile.
‘Okay. Three, two, one. George.’
‘Iris.’
‘Iris and George,’ he repeats back, testing the sounds. ‘Love ’em. Hell, let’s have two kids and use both.’
He mistakes my sudden tears for joy, or hormones.
I pull back and quickly wipe them away.
‘You okay, really?’ he asks, unable to decipher my emotions but aware something is very wrong. ‘If there is something happening, if you need to tell me, I’m here,’ he says, his expression gentle but serious.
I hold his gaze a moment, taking in his handsome face, the look of concern in his eyes, and I realize I can do this. I can do this alone, for us, for him, because this man is worth fighting for.
‘I’m fine,’ I tell him finally. ‘I’m just really glad you’re back.’
* * *
We gorge ourselves on Edward’s breakfast while he updates me on his business trip to Hong Kong.
‘They’ve made a pre-emptive offer on the company.’ His eyes glisten in the morning sun that streams through the apartment windows as he lets that fact land on me.
‘Wait, what? The whole company? They want to buy the whole company? I thought the plan was expanding over there?’ I ask, my surprise obvious enough to draw a snort of laughter from Edward.