“Stop worrying about me and save your energy for what matters.”
But you matter, I want to say. But the words get trapped in my throat, held down by this worry that something isn’t right between us.
The heart rate monitoring machine betrays my nerves.
Rowan turns around and glares at the machine. His jaw locks and the vein in his temple makes a reappearance. “I mean it, Zahra. Relax.”
“Will you stay while I sleep?” I feel pathetic for asking.
He remains silent.
Acid churns in my stomach and inches up my throat. What happened while I was resting? It’s like the man I spent the whole weekend with in New York is gone, replaced by this cold version. It reminds me of how Rowan was when I first met him, which pains me more than I care to admit.
He squeezes my hand once before taking a seat across from me. “I’ll stay.”
I offer him a small smile which he returns with a forced one.
The beeping machine fills the silence. Each breath is taxing on my energy, and I lose the battle with consciousness. Darkness swallows me whole, worries and all.
44
Zahra
“Uno!” Ani throws her arms in the air, flaunting a wild card. Based on Rowan throwing his stack of cards down, he did too.
As much as I love Rowan spending time with my sister, his intention is clear. He’s using her as a buffer to avoid talking to me. Anytime my family comes to visit, he immerses himself in small talk. It’s highly suspicious, but I’m too tired to talk to him whenever we’re alone again.
The silence ends today. I’m never going to truly get better if I’m worried about our relationship.
Despite the way my chest contracts at him ignoring me, I can’t help but smile at how he treats my sister. I never thought he would bond with her during his time as her mentor. Their bond really is something special, and it makes my eyes water while watching them.
Rowan is perfect. I never thought I would meet a man like him. It was supposed to be casual, but it’s developed into so much more. From him taking off work to stay by my side at the hospital to him planning a whole book signing just to make me happy, his actions scream more.
If only I could figure out what is bothering him because his evasiveness is only adding to my stress.
The nurse strolls into the room and checks my vitals. She asks some questions and writes information on the whiteboard across from my bed.
“The doctor should be stopping by soon to check on you. You’re responding nicely to the antibiotics, which means you might be able to get out of here tonight.” The nurse smiles and exits the room.
The warmth seeping through my chest is quickly replaced by a chill. Rowan’s jaw ticks as he stares at the closed door.
Ani’s phone beeps. She looks down at the screen before smiling at me. “I need to go. JP is waiting in the parking lot with his mom.” She grins at Rowan before giving me a kiss on top of my head.
“Have fun!” I call out before coughing.
Ani shakes her head. “Gross.”
I stick out my tongue.
Ani grins at Rowan as she says goodbye, and he returns it with one of his own. I shouldn’t feel jealous at how sweet he is with her, but I’ve been deprived of his kindness ever since I was admitted to the hospital.
I tuck my shaky hands under the blanket to hide how he makes me feel. “Is everything okay? Really?”
His tight smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “It will be.”
What does that mean? I want to hold him hostage until he gives me an honest answer.