I shake my head. “The problem isn’t work. And it’s definitely not us changing from casual to more, which is your own damn fault when you kept doing things that showed you cared. You made me believe in some fantasy. You made me want more.”
His blank stare sends another chill down my spine. “I always meant to keep things casual. That’s what we agreed on.”
“Well, you did a really shitty job at that. You didn’t have to play the role of a dutiful boyfriend because you were already acting like one!”
He takes a step back at my outburst.
Breathing hurts, but I don’t care. “Every decision you’ve made up until this point has all been because you care. Because deep down, I think you love me even though you’re too damn scared to admit it.” My voice cracks and I let out a wheeze because my lungs struggle to cooperate.
“Love was never an option. If I made you believe otherwise, I apologize. I would never subject you to that kind of misbelief when I’m moving back to Chicago soon.”
He might as well have slapped me.
“What?”
He stares out the stupid window again. “A new Director will be taking over Dreamland at the end of January.”
If I wasn’t attached to an oxygen machine, I’m not sure I would be able to breathe on my own. “Did you—” I rasp. “Did you know this the entire time we were together?”
No. He couldn’t have. I’m sure he would have said something about it. What about his anniversary renovation plan? I don’t understand why he would spend months of his time on a project of that scale for nothing.
“Yes.”
“Did you consider staying longer…” for us?
Rowan breaks my heart all over again when he shakes his head. “I was always meant to go back.”
You’re a fool, Zahra. He’s been hiding this all from you since day one. I sniffle, trying to hold back the tears threatening to burst.
“That’s not what I asked, and you know it. Stop playing your mind games and tell me the truth.”
His jaw ticks. “My personal feelings on the matter are irrelevant.”
I stare down at my trembling hands. “Why are you moving back?” Why are you giving up on us because you’re scared?
“My future is in Chicago.”
My heart feels like Rowan clutched onto it with his cold fist and ripped it out of my chest. “So you say.” My voice cracks.
God. How could I have let myself fall for Rowan despite knowing deep down the kind of man he was?
The muscles in his jaw become more pronounced. “I regret hurting you. This was all a mistake.”
A mistake. I think a knife to the heart would be less cruel than this conversation. I’m the one who made a mistake. I thought a lot of hopeful things, but most of all, I thought Rowan loved me enough to face the demons holding him back. But this isn’t some fairy tale. Change doesn’t magically happen because someone threw pixie dust in the air or made a wish on a shooting star.
No. That’s not how real life works. People need to put in the work to fix themselves, and while I’ve done it, Rowan hasn’t. He’s too afraid. Too selfish. Too consumed by his drive for more, without even realizing what exactly he wants more of. I thought he wanted more of me, but I put stock in something make-believe.
“I’m sorry for hurting you.” His voice drops to a whisper.
The lump in my throat becomes a living, breathing thing, blocking my ability to breathe. “And I’m sorry for ever thinking you were better than the selfish, cruel man everyone labels you as.”