Wetness clings to my eyes but I blink it away. I don’t have a right to be upset with anyone but myself. It’s my fault I texted a stranger, thinking I could get out of this unscathed. I trusted Scott despite the warning signs I was too stupid to ignore.
Have fun, Claire said to me time and time again.
Be brave, Ani chanted like a war cry.
And for what? This feeling in my chest at the idea of losing something I never had? Screw that.
I shut my eyes as if it can block out everything unfolding before me. “Why?”
Why would you do this?
Why lie to me for months?
Why pretend you cared about me?
So many questions batter my brain, yet I can’t find the words to attack him.
His eyes drop to his fists. “At first, I wasn’t sure about your motives. Texting you was supposed to be a way to make sure you weren’t secretly conspiring against me after our first kiss.”
Is he serious?! “You wanted to spy on me?”
“No. Not spy. I was checking to make sure you were genuine.”
I’m floored by the conversation. I can’t believe he would only talk to me because he wasn’t sure if I would make a scandal out of us. The thought hurts.
He continues. “But I realized I was foolish because you really are this kind-hearted person who wanted to entertain some lonely guy you’d never even met.”
“A person who doesn’t even exist,” I snap.
“I’m him. I swear I never lied to you as Scott besides the obvious. And once I realized the mistake I made, I couldn’t stop. I started looking forward to our conversations, and I knew you would be upset—”
I hold my hand up and shut my eyes. “Stop.”
He doesn’t bother listening. “I never meant for everything to get so…out of control. There were plenty of times I considered admitting the truth because I wanted you to look at me the same way you looked at your damn phone.”
I don’t know what that even means, but I’m not about to ask. “Consider the feeling long gone.”
His brows pull together. “You can’t mean that.”
“Really? What exactly do you feel toward me?”
He rubs his bottom lip with his thumb. “I want to spend more time around you.”
I shove the file toward him. “Your feelings are irrelevant. I don’t care what you want because I’m not open to any of it. This was all a mistake.”
His entire body locks up under his shirt, making the veins in his arms stand out. “I had every intention to stop messaging you, but I couldn’t find the courage to stop.” His declaration rips at my resolve against him.
I take a few deep breaths and consider his level of betrayal.
No. He’s good at lying and saying anything to keep me hooked. No more.
“I can’t trust you when all you do is lie.” My voice cracks.
His eyes soften around the edges. “I promise that every conversation we had was real. The person I am with you…that’s who I am. You probably know me better than anyone.” He trips over his words.
“I don’t care.” I shake my head. How can he expect me to believe a single word out of his mouth?
“I swear I wanted to tell you.”
“But let me guess—there was never a right time.”
He nods.
I let out a shrill laugh. “You liars are all the same. It’s amazing how no matter the circumstance, people like you find a way to justify your actions with the same cliché reason.” Lance gave me a similar speech after I caught him in the act with Tammy, and now Rowan’s doing the same. The truth is that there never will be a right time to break someone’s heart.