She nods solemnly.
“But that’s not when we got together. That funeral was just one of a dozen I attended in the month after you left, including Dominic’s.”
Her eyes fill with nothing but empathy, the reaction of a true queen, not a jealous ex, as she tries to wrap her mind around what I’m telling her.
“They came in droves, Cecelia, and all for. My. Head. You have to remember that only a few founding members knew of my association. Once I was outed by Miami, I became enemy number one. Sean and I split the chapters, amped-up security even though we weren’t really on speaking terms. We weren’t on any kind of terms at that point, but our dedication was unshakable, and we worked together, and both stepped up. That war lasted a solid six months before it finally started to die out. And it only reinforced my decision to keep you far, far away.”
“But…I thought all of those defecting in Miami were killed that night?”
“Some got away, and when they did, they armed up and came back with a vengeance. Miami was one of our best crews for a reason. They were the largest and had the most connections. A few of them had mafia ties, and they were not fucking around. They went straight for the head, me, and it got bad. When that news spread after that shitshow at your dad’s house, my authority and control was put into question by the brotherhood. Some thought I’d turned my back for personal reasons. News got muddled, and word spread fast. And it didn’t help that we were losing brothers left and right. Families got pissed, and all of them blamed me. It was my worst fucking nightmare. I was sure we were all about to get exposed, and every time I lived past a new threat, I assumed it was about to be over. The longer it went on, the more funerals I attended, the more I tried to right the world of the families that got destroyed before the government stepped in and snatched me. For the first year, I was sure it was all over.”
“But nothing ever came of it? No authorities caught wind?”
“The war was spread out across several states. Thankfully, we had enough feds with wings on our payroll to destroy the tie of the markings in the media, but as far as leaving a trail, as careful as we were, I wasn’t sure about it because it was an all-out street war by that point.”
She swallows. “How many died?”
“Too many,” I stroke her cheek with my thumb. “Way too fucking many on both sides.”
“Those scars on your back. They’re from gunshots?”
I nod.
“When?”
“A year to the day I sent you away, to the day Dom died. Not a coincidence. I was finishing a run a block from my Charlotte office when I got gunned down on a fucking city street. Just more evidence that it wasn’t over, which only convinced me I was a fool to think about ever coming for you.”
“Did you,” her voice clogs, “did you…”
“Almost die? Yes. I was touch and go for about a week from what Tyler said. And honestly, at that point, I didn’t give a fuck if I did. It would have been a relief for me.”
Her eyes water. Tentatively, she reaches out and cups my jaw. I cover her hand with mine.
“The aftermath of that night turned out to be far more than we could handle. I was in no position to drag you into that mess, no matter how much I wanted you back. I had eyes on you everywhere. So did your father up until the day he died. It was a silent partnership with my birds and his added security.”
She winces.
“I’m not saying this to guilt you, Cecelia. I just want you to know they may seem like excuses, but they are good reasons for me, reasons why I couldn’t contact you, couldn’t come to you. It was way too fucking dangerous the first few years. Those still wearing wings, still dedicated to the cause, were heavily vetted during that time. To some others, the ones we weren’t sure about, we made them believe the brotherhood was dissolving, becoming a thing of the past. Once all hell broke loose, we shrank in size, and in the end, Sean and I decided it was for the best. We knew what we were doing as far as you were concerned. It was safer for us to hurt you emotionally and for you to hate us for it. The more you resented us and stayed away, the better off you were.”