‘Yes…?’
‘But it kind of sounds like the main reason you might be moving forward is because… is it because you actually want to?’
Lily looked at the property again. She imagined herself and Ben putting up curtains, tidying the garden. Painting and plastering walls. Learning how to replace the pointing in the ancient stone. Then getting quotes for a barn conversion. Networking with local practitioners and putting together a relaxation retreat for guests. And the life they could have – country walks, swims in the lake, visiting art galleries. Having, if not complete freedom from work, the freedom to be masters of their own time. To set their own agenda and report only to themselves. She nodded. ‘I mean, it was an accident, committing to the place, it really was. But I want to do this so much. I am… I am going to do it.’
‘Wow! Good for you… I think.’
‘Thanks!’
‘But what about Ben? I mean, you said he’s got cold feet about the whole France thing… and he doesn’t know you’ve… well, gone ahead without him.’
‘I suppose I’m hoping…’ Lily said, ‘well, sometimes when something’s kind of decided for you… it’s easier to go along with it than it is when you have more of a choice. I mean, he was completely on-board about moving to France next year until recently. Maybe he just needs a little push.’
‘Maybe,’ Emily said.
‘I take it you don’t think that’s how it’ll go?’
‘I mean, it’s a risk, isn’t it?’ For once, Emily’s face was deadly serious. ‘What if he puts his foot down and says no. And what’s he going to do when he finds out you’ve committed to buying a new house without even mentioning it to him?’
‘Hang on…’ Lily shifted slightly so she could look directly at her friend. ‘I thought you were always saying I should be more direct?’
‘Well, yes. But this is not quite what I meant. Being direct in conversation is one thing. Splurging the savings on a stone cottage in France is… well… something else entirely.’
‘Oh god,’ Lily said. ‘You’re right. He’s going to say no, isn’t he?’ She put her head in her hands.
‘Not necessarily.’ Emily rested her hand on Lily’s shoulder. ‘You never know… it’s like you said… it might be the push he needs. Who knows?’
‘Yeah,’ Lily said, her voice less certain than before. ‘I mean, except he didn’t even seem up for the holiday idea last night. Not a proper holiday. A weekend in Paris is lovely and all, but it’s not even meeting me halfway.’
‘Oh Lily…’
‘I know he… I believe he loves me. It’s more… does he love me enough to go against all his instincts and take a risk. This much of a risk?’
Emily nodded. ‘Well, I suppose you’re going to find out.’
‘Don’t think I’ve given myself much of a choice.’
‘And what about Ty?’
Lily felt a fresh flush of guilt. ‘Well, he’s off to uni in a couple of months. We won’t sell the house from under him. And maybe if we do release some… some equity we can help him more with his rent and things. He won’t get into so much debt.’
There was a pause.
‘No offence but – be honest – was this actually a mistake, Lily?’ asked Emily, carefully.
‘Yes! Honestly. I had in mind this idea of a holiday that might lead to more. And I’d been looking. I wasn’t concentrating, I know that. And I’d had a lot to drink. It was a genuine mistake. But…’
Emily looked at her, an eyebrow raised. ‘But?’
‘But at the same time it’s given me the thing I’ve been dreaming of since I was about twelve.’
Emily nodded. ‘Subconscious property purchases. It’s probably a thing if we look it up on the internet. There’ll be support groups and everything.’
‘Ha, probably.’
‘A Freudian slip of the mouse…’
‘Possibly… but I think this is a one-off.’
‘Yes, hopefully not the start of a very expensive addiction.’
The two women grinned at each other for a moment.
‘So, are you going to help?’ Lily asked, looking at her friend’s face. The face of a forty-four-year-old woman, but also the twelve-year-old she’d sat next to in maths, the teenage girl she’d been with when she first tried a beer. The person she’d written letters to during uni, before email was really a proper ‘thing’. The woman who’d followed her down the aisle despite complaining about the pinkness of her bridesmaid dress. Other than her brother, David, who’d always been a bit reserved, Lily realised that Emily was the only person she still had in her life who remembered her as a child. Who knew her inside out.