“Why don’t you assuage that curiosity of yours and find out?” He paused. “For research purposes.”
I laughed and then found out as I dragged my tongue along that thick vein. Willa had been correct. It was a sensitive spot. Liquid had already begun beading on the head of his cock when I closed my mouth over him. I drew him in as deeply as I could and didn’t worry about what I was doing because I knew he loved it. The way his hand tightened on the back of my head told me that. As did the thrusts of his hips and the spicy taste that joined the earthy flavor of his skin.
“You know, I think…” He shuddered as he gathered the strands of my hair away from my face with his other hand. “I think you really like my cock in your mouth,” he said, and I sucked harder. He groaned. “I also think you like it when I say inappropriate things like that.”
My face heated even more because I really did.
“My Queen is a very—” His curse was sharp, and the rhythm of his hips picked up. “Fuck.”
Casteel didn’t try to pull away. This time, he held me there as he came, his entire body shaking as the release took him. When his tremors subsided, I kissed the underside of his cock and then the faded brand on his hip before redoing his breeches. His hands slipped to my shoulders, but he didn’t draw me to my feet. Instead, he joined me on the ground, pulling me into his lap and against his chest. We were both still breathing a little fast as he redid the clasp on my breeches.
“There is something else we need to talk about,” he said as he straightened the edge of my vest.
My head was nestled under his chin as I watched the moon rise. We probably had a long list of things we needed to discuss, but I suspected I knew what was the most pressing. “The Joining?”
He folded his arms around me. “What are you thinking?”
A lot. In those quiet moments that followed, as the moon continued its nightly climb, I was thinking a lot. “I can’t bring wolven back,” I said finally, unsure if I had told him that when I’d bathed him at Stonehill. “Or draken. I can’t bring back any being of two worlds.”
Casteel said nothing.
“And Kieran…he was okay with that, even though it terrified me. Losing him.” Shuddering, I closed my eyes and drew in a staggered, too-short breath. “I can barely even think it.”
“Don’t.” Casteel’s fingertips grazed my cheek as he tilted my chin up and back. I opened my eyes. “You’re not going to lose Kieran.”
“I want to believe that.” I turned my head, kissing the palm of his injured hand. “I want to believe that we’ll find Malec, and that Isbeth won’t betray us. That we’ll take Carsodonia and suffer no losses. That we will survive this, and everyone we care about will, too. But that’s a fairy-tale ending. A perfect one that most likely won’t become reality.”
Casteel traced the lines of my face, and for a moment, I soaked up the feel of his touch, letting there be nothing but that. “We can make it the closest thing to reality.”
“With the Joining,” I whispered.
His gaze returned to mine as he nodded. “It won’t protect everyone.”
My chest ached. “If I could Join with all those I care about, as awkward as that would be,” I said, and Casteel gave me a half-grin, “I would. But I don’t think it works that way, does it?”
“I don’t think so.”
I sighed. “But it will offer Kieran and you a better level of protection. Right? It could supersede this curse.”
“Right.” He moved his thumb to my lower lip. “We would live as long as you. The way you age, however that will be, will also be the way we age.” He lowered his head, kissing me. “But it’s a big decision, Poppy. It will not just be your life that you bear the weight of. It will be mine and Kieran’s.”
“But as the Queen, don’t I already bear the weight of the lives of all our people?” I asked. “Don’t you?”
A faint smile appeared as the sweet and rich, clove-y taste of cinnamon reached me. Love. Pride. I kissed his thumb. “You do. We both do. But this is different.” With his other hand, he tucked several strands of my hair back behind my ear. “The Joining can be intense.”
Warmth crept up my throat. “I know.”
“Even if it doesn’t become something sexual, the sheer intimacy of the act goes beyond that.”
I swallowed. “What does it actually entail?” I asked, unsure that what little Alastir had said was true.