Kieran folded his arms over his chest. “I agree.”
My brows flew up. “You do?”
“I do. Cas needs to be freed, but there’s one problem with your plan. Actually,” he said, frowning, “there are a lot of problems. Starting with the fact that I doubt you even have a plan beyond walking up to Carsodonia’s Rise.”
I opened my mouth and then snapped it shut. His look turned knowing. Frustration bore down on me. “I will come up with a plan that doesn’t involve me walking up to the Rise of Carsodonia. I’m not a fool, Kieran.”
“You’re a fool if you think I’ll be anywhere other than by your side,” he shot back. “There’s no way in hell you’re going to Carsodonia without me.”
“It’s too dangerous—”
“Are you kidding me?”
“It’s too dangerous for anyone else to go.”
He stared down at me. “You do realize that we’re at war? Therefore, any number of us, including me, could die.”
I stiffened as the statement knocked the air from my chest. “Don’t say that—”
“It’s the truth, Poppy. All of us know the risks, and we’re not here just for you. He is our King.” He met my glare with his own. “Also, I don’t believe that once you have a couple of minutes to think about this, you won’t seriously reconsider taking on the entire damn Blood Crown by yourself.”
Maybe he was right. But at the moment, I really wanted to. “Okay, I won’t go alone. I will see who wants to make the trip with me. But I need you here. I trust you to make sure Valyn and the others follow our plans. Because there can be no truce this time. No stalemate. I trust you to make sure there is a chance for peace when we destroy the Blood Crown. As the Advisor to the Crown, they have to follow your orders.”
“I appreciate your trust. Am honored. Flattered. Whatever,” he said, and I didn’t think he sounded honored at all. “But you can trust others to ensure that our plans are carried out.”
“I do trust others. Your sister. Naill. Delano. Emil—I could keep listing names. But they hold no position of authority like you do as the advisor. You are an extension of the Crown. You speak on behalf of the King and Queen. None of the others have that kind of authority.”
“But any of them can,” he insisted. “You can make one of them a regent—a person that you, as the Queen, can appoint. Someone who will act on your behalf in your absence. Normally, that would be the Advisor to the Crown, but there is no law that states it has to be the advisor. The Crown Regent would temporarily act on your behalf, and their word must be followed no differently than if it were you issuing the orders.”
“Oh.” I blinked. “I…didn’t know that. But—”
“There is no but.”
“But there is.” Panic started to creep in. “If something were to happen to you—”
“There would be nothing for Cas to forgive you for if something did,” he cut me off. “He would expect nothing less than me being by your side.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “If you’d let me finish a sentence, I was about to say I would never forgive myself.”
His stare softened. “And I would never forgive myself if you went into the heart of the Ascended without me.” He clasped the back of my neck. “Just as I haven’t for letting Cas go all those years ago.”
Oh, gods. “Kieran—”
“Don’t forget what he means to me, Poppy. I’ve known him my whole damn life,” he said. “We shared the same crib more times than not. We took our first steps together. Sat at the same table most nights, refusing to eat the same vegetables. We explored tunnels and lakes, pretended that fields were new, undiscovered kingdoms. We were inseparable. And that didn’t change as we grew older.” His voice roughened, and he dropped his forehead to mine. “He was and still is a part of me.”
I closed my eyes against the burn accompanying the images that his words brought forth. Them toddling about together, Kieran on two legs and four. Holding each other as they napped. Coming home covered in dirt and the gods only knew what else.
“Where I went, Cas was there. Where he traveled, I followed. The only time we have ever been separated and couldn’t get back to one another was when they held him captive—and now. But I was there for him afterward. I watched him night after night, waking in a panic and thinking that he was back in that cell. I saw what had been done to him. How he couldn’t stand to be touched at one point. How even the sight of bathwater caused him to freeze up.”