All I need is a little dancing and faerie wine. I’ll give myself one night to shake it off. To lose myself. And tomorrow I’ll be ready to refocus on my task. It’s better this way. Better that I know where I stand. Better that I’m not distracted by Sebastian and an impossible future.
When I step into the ballroom with its raucous music and crowd of dancing bodies, I see Riaan and force a smile for Sebastian’s golden-haired friend. “Good evening.”
“Abriella.” He beams. “So good to see you. Where’s Sebastian?”
“With another woman.” The words are out before I can stop them, but I cover them with a smile, as if they aren’t a blade currently twisting in the center of my chest. Every time I blink, I see Sebastian’s hand sliding up that girl’s skirt. It’s like being hit in the same place over and over again. An open wound that grows deeper and more tattered with every strike.
His smile falls away. “I’m sure he’d rather be with you.”
“Not at all.” I scan the party, avoiding those piercing, knowing eyes. “He left me to be with her. But it’s fine. At least I know where I stand.”
“You don’t, though.” He shakes his head. “He would give you anything. Abriella, look at me.” When I do, he stoops a bit so we’re eye to eye. “My prince wants you desperately. If he’s with another woman right now, it’s because he was so hurt to discover that you’ve been spending time with Finnian.”
I balk. Riaan knows too? Have I kept no secrets?
“He tells me everything,” he says. “If you care for him, if you don’t want to lose what you two have, you have to regain his trust.”
“I want to,” I say, but it’s not a want. My heart doesn’t give a damn about Sebastian’s trust right now, but my mission . . . I need his trust. “But when I asked Sebastian how, he said he didn’t want to push me into anything I wasn’t ready for.”
“There is only one ultimate show of trust between a human and a faerie.”
“The bond,” I whisper. That’s what Sebastian had meant. He wants me to share a life-bond with him. But I can’t. Not until I retrieve Mordeus’s artifacts. Not when the bond would mean Sebastian’s knowing—even in a vague sense—where I am and what I’m doing. But after Jas is safe, when I can finally tell Sebastian the truth, would I be willing to bond with him to prove I can be trusted? Yet it’s not just an issue of him trusting me. After what I saw tonight, I’m not sure I trust Sebastian enough.
“Don’t be afraid of it,” Riaan says, giving me a soft smile. “It’s a kind of intimacy you simply can’t imagine. A connection deeper than any other I’ve ever known. Just . . . consider it.” He straightens as someone calls for him from the other side of the room. He waves before returning his attention to me. “Now, tell me what I can do for you so you can enjoy this fine party.”
I wave him off. “Go. I’m fine.”
He studies me for a beat. “You’re sure?”
“I’m going to dance,” I say, forcing a smile.
“Thatta girl.” He bops me on the nose and turns away to find his friends.
There are parties in the Seelie Court nightly. It seems like most of the palace residents spend their evenings dancing and drinking, but with the exception of Litha, I’ve never cared to attend. I’ve always made excuses. If my presence was required, I made a polite appearance and then slipped out moments later. But tonight I don’t refuse the faerie wine that’s offered to me. I snatch it from the waiter’s hand and down it in two gulps before grabbing another.
I want the untethering I felt when I danced on my first night here. I want the comforting warmth I felt when I drank Mordeus’s wine. I want to forget this worry and heartache. I welcome the drink to steal my hours so I don’t have to endure this feeling of being crushed beneath the weight of disappointment—in Sebastian and in myself.
By the time the second glass touches my lips, I’m already dancing. My limbs feel lighter, and my head clears of the constant worry. In this moment, I am free. I am the birds swooping through the night sky. The kite cut loose and floating on the breeze, just above the waves.
I’m vaguely aware of cheers, smiles, and laughter of the people around me, but mostly I’m somewhere else. I’m at once here and nowhere. I’m free.
I don’t know how long I’ve been dancing when I find Riaan at my side again. His smile is broad. “How do you feel, Abriella?”