I hold his face between both hands and guide him to look at me. His eyes are dark and foggy with pleasure, his lips parted as he searches my face. “Then let’s forget. Just for these moments. Let’s pretend nothing else exists.”
His nostrils flare, and he lowers his mouth and sucks my bottom lip between his teeth. Groaning, he grabs the hem of my skirt, and I lift my hips to help him drag it up until it’s bunched around my waist. He settles between my legs and I can feel how much he wants me. I lose myself in the sweet weight of his body on mine, in the aching pleasure of his hand on my hip, his thumb brushing maddeningly over my skin.
He dips his head to suck at my breasts right through the fabric. I cry out and arch into him. My hands are everywhere—on his shoulders, then against his powerful chest and down his sides, then to his belt. I can’t feel enough of him at once.
He draws back and meets my eyes again. “Tell me you’ll be mine,” he murmurs. “Tell me you’ll stay here with me.”
“I’m here with you now.” Sadness muddles with passion, and my words crack as I offer the only promise I can. “I’m yours tonight.”
He tears himself away, and suddenly he’s off me and sitting on the side of the bed, breathing hard, head hanging. “I’m sorry.”
I prop myself up on my elbows. “Why? What’s wrong?”
He swallows hard and stands. “That was too fast. We’re moving too fast.”
Are we? It didn’t feel too fast. In fact, it felt right. Easy. And I know if he hadn’t stopped, I would have let him keep going as long as he wanted. Would that be so bad?
I push off the bed and straighten my dress before standing in front of him. “Hey.” I press a hand to his cheek, and he turns his head to press a kiss to my palm. “I didn’t mind. Come back to bed.”
He looks into my eyes for so long I’m sure he can see all my secrets. All my betrayals. “I want more than your kisses, Brie.”
I bite back a smile. “I’m positive if you climb back into that bed with me, I will offer you much, much more than my kisses.”
His nostrils flare, and his eyes go dark. “Gods above and below, you tempt me, woman.”
I sigh. “Not enough, if you’re going to walk out of here.”
He looks to the door, then back to me. “I don’t want to go, but I have a meeting.” I try not to let the disappointment show on my face, but it must because he says, “I’m sorry I’m always so busy. I’ll make it up to you.” He pinches my chin between his thumb and index finger. “How about we take that getaway to the summer palace you want so badly.”
My mind is fuzzy from his kisses, and it takes me a moment to remember why I want to go to the summer palace and what I need to do there. “Really?”
“Really. I think you’re right. It would be good for us to get away and have time for just the two of us.” He sweeps a sweet kiss across my lips. “When I finally lie with you, I won’t be rushed.”
My stomach flips, then twists miserably. He wants time with just the two of us, wants to spend our time at the summer palace making love and connecting, when I’ll need it to search for and steal a sacred item from his mother’s library.
Sebastian must see the torment on my face. He frowns. “If you’ve changed your mind about the palace . . . or about . . . us being together—”
“No,” I blurt. “Neither. I’m . . . impatient, but you have things to do. It’s fine. Thank you.” For Jas, I will deceive him a little longer. For Jas, I will be less than the woman he thinks I am.
But soon I will be better. Soon.
He studies my face as if he’s trying to piece together what he sees there. “Maybe the wait will give you a chance to think about . . . us. To think about the future.”
“Sebastian . . .” I bite my lip. Tell me you’ll be mine. I don’t want to tell him no. I don’t even want to tell him I don’t know. Because I know what I want to say, but it’s at odds with what I need to do. So I can’t say yes. Not yet.
Soon.
With a stifled wince he puts a finger to my lips. “You don’t need to say anything. I know you’re not ready.” He leaves my room, shutting the door behind him.
* * *
Sebastian is going to take me to the summer palace, and until then there’s nothing I can do . . . nothing but train.
After Sebastian’s gone, I shift into the shadows and explore the palace like I’ve done so many times before. I pass Riaan and a few members of the royal guard arguing about something in low tones. I consider stopping, but I’m not interested in spying on Sebastian’s sentinels tonight, not when I my guilt is gnawing at my gut. But I do need to test my ability.