“You are part of this group, and you’ve sworn fealty to me. It is decided,” Finn says. His voice is so low I can barely hear his words, but the command in it is undeniable.
Pretha grabs my hand. “Let’s get you changed and back to the castle. The prince grows impatient.”
“If you just wanted me to change, why didn’t we just do it in the carriage?” I ask.
“Forgive Pretha,” Finn says, watching Jalek storm up the stairs. “She didn’t realize it was going to be civil war in our home today. But it would be best if you’d go. Jalek’s mood won’t improve until after the sun sets on summer solstice.”
* * *
My door is indeed ajar when I return to my rooms at the Golden Palace.
I press one palm against my satchel—the mirror still safely tucked inside—and the other to my thigh where my knife is strapped. “Hello?” I call, stepping inside.
Sebastian spots me and springs off the chair, crossing to me in three long strides. “Where have you been?”
I swallow and toss the satchel on the bed. “I was training with Eurelody.”
“I came before breakfast, and you were already gone.”
“She . . . wanted an early start.”
He winces, and I wonder if he knows I’m lying. “I thought you might have decided to return to the mortal realm.”
I press a hand to his heart and feel it racing beneath my palm. He’s warm and strong, and I miss confiding in him, miss feeling like Sebastian’s goodness was something I deserved. If only there were a way around these lies. My heart burns with hatred for the shadow king—for what he’s done to my sister and my life. “I’m sorry I worried you.”
Sebastian cups my jaw in one big palm and studies my face. “You’re okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine.”
He lowers his mouth to mine—a gentle sweep of his lips that quickly turns searching and intense. My breath leaves me in a rush, and I can’t be bothered to find it again. It’s the first time we’ve kissed since I discovered his true identity, and it’s fierce. I feel every bit of his worry and terror in that kiss, feel it all the way down to my bones. Maybe I should pull away. Maybe I should tell him he has no right to kiss me. Maybe I should still be angry with him for lying to me for two years. But the truth is, his kiss is a balm to my loneliness and fear.
The heat and breadth of him make something inside of me cut loose. I’m safe here in his arms. As long as he’s close, no one can hurt me, and I can’t hurt him. If we never end this kiss, he’ll never have to know I used him, lied to him, betrayed him.
His mouth softens against mine, and his hand slips from my hair to my neck, one big thumb stroking along my jaw as his other hand goes to my waist and pulls me tightly against him. I press closer. He groans in approval, and I smile against his mouth, feeling powerful and loving it. I need to feel every inch of his strength, want to memorize every ragged breath he takes.
I don’t know how long we kiss, but it’s not long enough. He’s the one who pulls away. He leans his forehead against mine and we’re both left gasping for air. I look down to the hand at my waist, where he’s bunched my skirt into his fist, exposing my thighs and the knife. If Sebastian notices, he doesn’t say.
Blowing out a breath, he opens his hand and steps back. “Sorry.” He drags a hand over his face, closes his eyes, and curses softly. “I didn’t come here to seduce you. I came to invite you to tonight’s Litha celebration.”
A celebration, meaning more gowns and dancing and pretending I have nothing better to do than watch other girls flirt with Sebastian. Girls who don’t already know how they’ll lose him. “I think you know which of those options tempts me more.” I extend a tentative hand, brushing a finger along his knuckles. “You don’t need to apologize for kissing me.”
His lips twist into a lopsided smile. “I don’t?”
“I kissed you back.”
“I know, but . . .” He blows out another breath and puts another step between us, as if he doesn’t trust himself. “Everything’s gotten so complicated.”
I can’t argue with that. And yet . . . “Why do you say that?”
“That first night I saw you in the gardens, I was so happy. I knew you were here for Jas, and yet . . .” He swallows. “Just seeing you on my lands was more than I ever imagined. Then, when you ran from me, I realized I needed to give up whatever hope I felt in that moment. You hated my kind too much—and right then you hated me too.”