Ignoring the guilt that stabs through me, I take his hand and wander into the library and into the stacks. I said I wanted a book, and since there are thousands in here, he’d be suspicious if I didn’t pick one. Luckily, this little bit of play-acting is easy. I do love books, and I instantly spot half a dozen I can’t wait to dive into.
“May I take a few?” I ask Sebastian, running my fingers across the spines.
“Take as many as you want,” he says, his voice a little rough.
I limit myself to four, but when I turn back to him, he’s staring at me with something like wonder in his eyes. “Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask, smiling.
He swallows. “Before all this, I couldn’t imagine how you could fit in here, but now that you’ve been part of this life, it’s going to be so much harder to let you go.”
I tighten my grip on the stack of books. I can’t imagine a life without Sebastian. In Fairscape, he was the color to my black and white existence. He filled me up when I was empty. When every day seemed to be an endless slog of work, thievery, and failure, I still had seeing him to look forward to. “I don’t want to leave you either,” I admit. I just wish a life with you didn’t have to happen here.
The truth is, I couldn’t stomach a life under the same roof as the queen. I don’t want to be the kind of person who can turn a blind eye to her brand of cruelty, and no matter what I feel for Sebastian, I refuse to let go of that part of who I am.
Sebastian takes the books from my hands and sets them down on a nearby table. When he looks down at me again, his expression is soft, tender. “Close your eyes.”
I look around the library. I hope he doesn’t have some sweet surprise waiting in here for me. My guilt is already near paralyzing. “Why?”
“Just do it.”
I can’t even fake a smile. “Okay.” I close my eyes and sense him bending closer.
“Keep them closed.” He blows a stream of soft air into one ear. I arch my back in pleasure but keep my eyes closed. He blows into the other, and then I hear it—soft at first, then louder. A sweet melody fills my ears—fills the whole room. “Do you hear it?”
“Where is it coming from?” I ask.
“The library pixies. They love books and live among them. If you know how to listen, you can hear them sing.”
Library pixies that live among books and sing. I wonder if I ever could have hated faeries if I’d known such a thing existed.
“Why can’t we hear them with our eyes open?”
“I can hear them fine, but you’re mortal. Your ears aren’t as sensitive as ours.”
He’s used his magic to let me hear a special part of his world that my human ears would have never picked up.
“Dance with me?” he asks, sliding his arms around my waist.
With my eyes still closed, I rest my head against his chest and sway to the ethereal sounds of the library pixies. Maybe it’s the pixies’ song, but I somehow feel closer to him while we sway. I let myself imagine, just for a moment, that I could accept what he’s offering me, that I could be his wife and have a life of stolen kisses and dancing in the library.
“Prince Ronan.”
Sebastian stills, and I reluctantly step out of his arms as he turns to Riaan, who’s stepped into the library.
“My apologies, Your Highness, but you asked to be notified if there was any news about . . .” His eyes flick to me for a beat before returning to his prince’s face. “About the traitor.”
My entire body goes cold. The traitor.
Sebastian bristles, his own reaction likely the only thing keeping him from noticing mine. When he turns to me, I try to keep my face neutral. “I need to step out for a few minutes. If you’d like to stay here, I can return for you, but it might be a while.”
I look around the library and at my stack of books waiting on the table. All I want to do now is find out what Riaan means by the traitor. “I think I’ll go to bed.”
“Your rooms are on my way. Let me walk you.”
He offers his arm, and I slide mine through it, falling into step beside him and trying to keep my movements relaxed when every part of me is wound tight with tension. Riaan stays behind us but never too far away.
Sebastian stops at my door. “Good night.” He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. “Sleep well.”
“Good night, Seb—” I realize that Riaan is watching, his eyes mistrusting. Can he hear my pounding heart with his sensitive fae ears? Sebastian, at least, seems oblivious, and I give him a smile as I nod my good night. “Your Highness.”