It’s a relief to hear, and as I return to the palace, I can almost convince myself that everything will be okay.
But when I open the door to my chambers, Sebastian is waiting by the windows. “How is Prince Finnian?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
I CAN TELL BY THE SET of his shoulders that he’s angry. “Bash?” I say softly. Guilt and shame wash over me. They’re always there, lapping at my feet, trying to slow me down, but now they’re a rising tide threatening to drown me. “Wha—what do you . . .”
“Prince. Finnian. I know you’ve been spending time with him.” His voice is raw—as if he’s been screaming.
I wrap my arms around myself. “I . . .” Do I try to deny it, or would that make it worse? “Does it matter? He’s a friend.”
Sebastian’s eyes are red, his jaw set. How long has he been waiting in here in my empty bedroom, knowing the truth about where I was? “Are you in love with him?”
“What?” I gasp. “Why would you even ask me that?” But maybe the question hits too close to home because it makes me want to run away. From Sebastian. From those sea-green eyes that seem to see too much. From my own confused feelings. I love Sebastian. I might not ever be able to marry him, but I do love him. It kills me to think that he feels like he has to stand before me and ask me if I’m in love with another male. It kills me because even if I don’t love Finn, I do feel something. I feel more than I should.
“He is my enemy, Abriella.”
“Well, you’re not his, so maybe you should rethink that,” I snap. Part of me knows that now isn’t the time for this, but I don’t want the secrets anymore. I don’t want to feel like I’m betraying one prince for the other when they are both good males who want what’s best for their people.
“Is that what he’s been telling you? Is that how he convinced you to trust him? By pretending that we’re friends?”
“I didn’t say you were friends. I’m not that na?ve. But he’s not the monster Mordeus is, and if you want what’s best for your people, you should do everything you can to put Finn on the Throne of Shadows where he belongs.”
He flinches. Flinches.
“Sebastian.” He doesn’t look at me, and I move slowly as I cross the room to him. When I put my hand on his arm, he closes his eyes—relishing my touch or enduring it? I can’t tell. “Look at me. Please.”
“I can’t.” His jaw hardens. “You’ve been spending your time with my enemy while living under my roof and making me believe . . .” He shakes his head and keeps his gaze averted when he asks, “Are you even considering my proposal, or are you just pretending to so you can feed him information to bring down my court?”
“No.” I shake my head. I may be awful, I may be guilty of deceiving Sebastian and betraying him, but I would never try to help Finn destroy the Seelie Court. “I wouldn’t. But that’s not what Finn wants.” My voice shakes.
“Then what are you doing with him?”
He’s so wrecked, and it breaks my heart. You don’t know the worst of my betrayals, Sebastian. I don’t deserve you.
Because of my agreement with Mordeus, I can never tell Sebastian the full truth of what I’m doing with Finn—the how and the why of his help. Even if I could, I don’t know if I would. Sometimes I believe Sebastian would do anything to help me get Jas to safety, but other times . . . Nights like Litha, when I saw him throw Jalek around in that cell, I realize there’s still so much I don’t know about this world and the role Sebastian plays here. There’s so much I still don’t understand about the dynamics between the courts and within them.
Sebastian spins to me, and anger and desperation flash in equal measure in those beautiful eyes. “Answer me.”
“He’s training me,” I blurt. “He’s helping me learn to use the powers that manifested when I came to Faerie.”
“Powers.” Some of the anguish leaves his face. “Tell me what you mean.”
I lick my lips, eager to explain in a way that will allow him to forgive me for spending my time with his enemy. “You know I’ve always been good in the dark, but when I came here, I could suddenly become the darkness and the shadows. I could disappear into them.”
He searches my face, his expression unreadable. “Do you know where these powers came from?”
I shake my head. “No. They’re just there, though I’m not very good at wielding them. Finn offered to help.”