He nodded and touched his forehead to hers, and she felt transported back to the vineyards and wine cellars of Tuscany, to the dinner table beneath the leafy trellis at the villa, where candle flames flickered in the warm evening breezes and laughter filled the night. To the conversations she’d had with tourists who were beguiled by the sights, scents, and flavors of Italy. It all felt like a fantasy with no connection to her current or future physical reality. From this moment on, those memories would become a part of her dreams.
She closed her eyes and worked hard to imprint the images in her mind. To never forget.
“I’ll be here for you,” Anton said. “If you ever need anything, you’ll have it.”
Her heart was aching, as if it were suffering a slow, painful death. She didn’t want to drag this out. She wanted him to leave, to put a swift end to this unbearable torture.
Lillian lifted her face and kissed Anton softly on the lips, but he wouldn’t let it go with that. He pulled her close and deepened the kiss for one final moment of passion.
When he drew back, a door swung shut over Lillian’s heart, and she knew, from that day forward, it would be locked away forever, until she and Anton met again. In this life or in the next.
CHAPTER 24
FIONA
Tuscany, 2017
“I don’t know how to feel right now,” I said, wiping tears from my cheeks and squinting into the sunshine as a small sailboat passed by. “If what you’re telling me is true, that means my father knew about my mother’s affair all along and that it wasn’t a secret at all. But I’ve been carrying the burden of that secrecy, hiding it from him, since I was eighteen years old.”
There was something intense in Francesco’s eyes as he watched me with scrutiny, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. He almost seemed to be enjoying this. I supposed he was relieved that the truth was finally out.
“But if my dad already knew,” I said, “why did Mom make me promise to keep it secret from him?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Francesco replied. “Because she wanted Freddie to believe that you were his child. She asked Anton to keep the same secret, and he did. For the rest of his life, he never broke that promise.”
“Because of the guilt he felt?”
“Partly, yes, but not entirely. The real reason Anton never revealed the truth was because he simply couldn’t break a promise he had made to your mother. That’s how much he loved her.”
I pondered all of this as I twisted my signet ring around on my finger. “But my dad didn’t even want children. Why did Mom feel she had to lie about it?”
“Because everything changed after the accident. She knew how afraid he was that she would leave him for Anton one day, and if he knew you were Anton’s child, he might have simply given up wanting to live. She was very protective of him. She had to be, and I believe a part of her felt that, in the end, it was her purpose in this life.”
“Her destiny,” I said. “To care for someone who couldn’t take care of himself.” I looked across at Francesco. “She was always very good at being a mother—to both of us, I suppose. But when did Anton find out about me? Did Mom tell him when she found out she was pregnant, or did she tell him years later?”
Francesco shifted in his chair and crossed one long leg over the other. “She and Freddie spent four weeks at the trauma center in Turin, and when it was time for Freddie to leave the hospital and move into a rehab facility, her insurance company insisted that he be transferred back to America. By that time, she knew she was pregnant.”
“Did she know that I was Anton’s?” I asked. “For sure?”
“From what I understand, yes. She told Anton there could be no doubt. Women know these things, I gather.”
“As long as we know how to use a calendar,” I said with a sigh.
Seagulls soared above us, high against the blue sky, calling out to one another.
“Before your mother left the country,” Francesco continued, “she saw Anton one more time in Turin. She asked him to come, and I drove him there. He spent an hour with her, on a park bench outside the hospital, and that was all.” Francesco bowed his head. “He was devastated that day. It was a painful drive back to Montepulciano, let me tell you.”
“What did she say to him?” I asked.
“She told him what I told you before—that she intended to pass their child off as Freddie’s because she believed if he ever learned the truth, it would take away his will to live, and he was hanging on by a thread. Anton agreed to let her do whatever she felt she had to do.”