“No,” she starts, just as the phone rings. She pauses her thought, then crosses to the kitchen to answer the call. Soon I hear her speaking quietly, probably to one of her friends. I sneak a little closer, hoping she ain’t gon’ be on the phone long, so we can play some more. I ain’t ever gon’ forget this day. I know it.
“I wish,” I hear Nia whisper into the phone. “I’m stuck here with the brat.”
I feel the sting of tears before I make it back to my room. As soon as my door is closed, they fall from my eyes like traitors.
* * *
But our day with Fuzz ain’t like that day, cause Nia ain’t being mean this time. I peek over at her, see a smile still shining from her face. I bet now’s a good time to try to get her talking. Nia always knows more bout what’s going on than me. Maybe I can get her to tell me what she knows, starting with the truth bout where Momma is at.
“You miss Detroit?” I ask. Nia lets Fuzz crawl cross her palm before answering.
“A little.” She pauses, then: “I miss Momma.” Nia turns away so that I can only see the side of her face. I wonder if she misses Daddy, too, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea to ask yet.
“Yeah, me, too,” I say, but Nia stays quiet. “Here”—I offer the jar as Fuzz crawls to the edge of her hand—“put him in here.” Nia uses her thumb to slide Fuzz into the jar, where he scoots to the grass-filled bottom.
“You know what I miss most?” I ask, determined to try again. Nia looks up at me without speaking. “I miss our old house. With Daddy. You think we gon’ get a new house when Momma comes back?” Something flickers cross Nia’s face—hope?—but then she smooths her shirt and shrugs before focusing again on the jar.
“We should find more caterpillars,” Nia says. “I bet Fuzz needs some friends.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. I hope Nia ain’t mad at me for bringing up Daddy. And I hope Fuzz’s new friends ain’t gon’ get in the way, like Nia’s.
When Granddaddy calls to us from the house we run inside for dinner, fast and in crooked lines with bugs buzzing in our ears. I ain’t figure out Nia’s secrets tonight, but I did get closer to her than we’ve been in a long time. I look up and spot my favorite star in the sky, the sparkly one right in the middle. I bet it’s the same one that used to be Momma’s favorite, too, when she was my age. I wink at our star and make a wish that things will be the same tomorrow. Maybe even the start of everything going back to normal.
* * *
I wake up early the next morning. The sun is barely peeking through the heavy curtains, but Nia is already dressed. She takes a last look in the mirror and starts to head out the door.
“Where you going?” I ask quietly.
“My friend Brittany is in Lansing for the rest of the summer now!” Nia exclaims. “When I told her we had to stay, she remembered she got an auntie that lives here.” Nia straightens her poufy ponytail with both hands. “Granddaddy already left for church, but he said I can go hang out with her and maybe spend the night.”
“But what bout Fuzz?”
“Fuzz? Oh, right. Umm, maybe tomorrow.” Nia walks away without even looking back. I know she won’t think bout Fuzz again.
I lay in the bed awhile, staring at the crack in the ceiling before I finally get up. I ain’t excited like before. But I get dressed, and I head outside. I look for caterpillars in the field and by the big tree. I find four caterpillars, then I’m bored. It just don’t feel the same without Nia.
I hide the jar under the porch and climb up to my spot in the tree. From here I can see the road, so I watch for Nia to come back. Maybe she gon’ come back soon so we can still have time to play. I stay there, watching, til the sun hides behind the hills. Til the field is covered in shadows and it’s too late for caterpillars, or sisters.
4
Lansing is like staying up late on a school night, them times when Momma and Daddy would get in a fight. We’d feel happy to stay up late but couldn’t really enjoy it cause of all the yelling. Nights that are happy and sad all at once, just like being here.
It’s been thirteen days in Lansing, and since I still ain’t collected a single bottle or learned the truth bout what’s going on, I’m no closer to gettin’ back home to Momma. I wish time would slow down, give me enough time to get the money before summer ends and I’m stuck here forever, but it don’t. Now it’s the end of June and scorching hot. With the sun comes patches of sidewalk that burn my bare feet. But the air is still light in some places, gently blowing the flowers that were already colorful but now look covered by exploded paint cans. And with a smell so rich it soaks my nostrils. Lansing is summer like I never knew summer before. I wanna know it always, but I always wanna leave. This is how I spend each moment: busy loving and hating, having and letting go.
I sit on the sinking porch, watching Bobby and Charlotte cross the street blowing bubbles and playing freeze tag. I don’t dare try to play with them today cause Granddaddy been back and forth outside to work on his garden. So I just watch. Then, once they get called inside, I stoop down and pick dandelion stems growing where the cement cracks. Six stems, then I’m bored. Nia’s been in the house all day cause she says it’s too hot and miserable to be outside. For once I don’t disagree with her. My tank top is soaked through; I can see my belly button where I should see fabric. I been inside for four glasses of water already and it ain’t quite noon. I watch my sandals sear tan lines in my ankles. I stand the heat for good reason, cause I love it out here. My favorite part of Lansing is the quiet. So much to see and smell and hear, and so much quiet to do it with. Ain’t none of that in Detroit. In that city, feels like the only peace you can find is when you leave.
I chew my thumb and remember a day back home even louder than most. A day when police officers showed up to our house with loud knocks and yelling and guns hanging from their hips. They asked for Daddy and found him on them stairs. Momma screamed at them, but they took Daddy anyway. I wanted to ask why the police came, why he went to jail. But any time I asked those kinds of questions bout Daddy, I either got yelled at to stay outta grown folks’ business or laughed away like nothin’ was wrong and I was just being silly. So, instead of wasting my time asking, I quietly thought he was gone for good, cept bout a week or two later, by the time of the big book fair at school, he was back. I remember cause I asked him for some change to buy a book that I circled in red pen. He looked at the paper, at my crooked red circle, and cried.
“KB!” Nia’s voice yells from inside.
“What?” I know I ain’t allowed to answer that way. When somebody calls my name, I gotta say yes or at least huh, but never what, not even to Nia, or Momma will yell. She says it’s disrespectful. But Momma ain’t here and Nia ain’t the boss of me. “What?” I say again, louder this time. Nia is on the porch now and smiling like I ain’t seen in weeks.
“Granddaddy says we can go to the swimming pool today!” Nia thinks she’s telling me the best news in the world, but I only pretend to be excited. I ain’t ever liked swimming pools, mostly cause I can’t swim. Nobody ever taught me and when I tried to teach myself, I nearly drowned when Momma and Nia weren’t paying attention.