Cept there was a boy in the class named Curtis. He never spoke to me or even looked at me in class. The meanest girl, Tammy, told everybody that Curtis was her boyfriend, and would talk bout him all day long. But that day, he came and stood up to Tammy, for me. That day was the closest I been to a fight, and nobody even hit me and I ain’t hit nobody. Once it was all over, I said thank you to Curtis for standing up for me, then never spoke to him again for the rest of fourth grade. Now I gotta stand up for myself, cept this time the mean girl is Nia.
I spring off the bed so fast it don’t even make its usual squeak. My feet hit the ground already running. Nia starts to turn around, but I reach her before she can see me. I jump on her back and wrap my hands around her face, cause it’s the first thing I reach. She yells and falls to her knees, caught off-balance.
“What are you doing?” Nia screams, tryna pull my hands off her face. But now I got her scarf off and I’m pulling her hair and scratching her neck. She puts her hands up to try to block her face.
“I hate you!” I scream, over and over. Nia tries to stand, but I grab her towel and pull her back. It falls from her body in a heap as she tumbles naked to the floor. She tries to cover her tiny breasts with her hands, like she ain’t been showing her body to all them boys. The only person she cares to hide herself from is me.
I dig my nails into her shoulder and see red blood pop up like beads of sweat. Nia’s eyes move from confused to startled to angry. She picks me up and slams me on the ground hard. I can’t breathe no more. I lay there, gasping for air, with naked Nia pinning me down. She tucks my arms to my sides and closes them in with her knees, then leans into me so I can’t lift my head or chest.
“What are you doing?” Nia yells again. I still feel like I can’t breathe. I dart my eyes around wildly, since I can’t move no other part of my body. “KB! What is wrong with you?” Nia half yells and half begs.
“I saw you!” I finally manage to yell. “I saw you and Jesse!” The image pastes itself again in my mind, Nia and Jesse and Nia’s undies. The image starts to blur in front of my eyes til it’s suddenly me instead of Nia, Rondell instead of Jesse; my undies. I start to shake.
“What are you talking bout?” Nia says, but the memory already flashed cross her face before she could hide it.
“You know what I’m talking bout! I saw you and Jesse in that bathroom! I saw everything!” The images blur together faster, over and over. I can’t stop seeing what Nia did. What I did. I’m yelling so loud now, I ain’t sure how Granddaddy ain’t heard yet.
“KB.” Nia’s noticeably shaken. “I don’t know what you think you saw but—”
“No! I know what I saw! Stop treating me like a baby!” I try to jump up, but Nia pins me down again, quick. “I saw you kiss him! And he touched you, in the private places!”
“Shh!” Nia’s frantic, looking at the door, like Granddaddy gon’ burst in. I don’t even care if he does. I want everybody to see Nia like I do now. She’s been hiding for too long.
“No, you not gon’ shush me!” I yell even louder. “I was gon’ keep your secret, like I always been keeping your secrets, but then you gotta be mean to me, too!” I got all of Nia’s attention now. “I hate you! You ain’t ever cared bout nobody but you! Not Momma, not Daddy, not me. All you care bout is you! Daddy’s dead and you don’t even care!” I’m crying now, hot tears sliding down my face and into the carpet.
“Don’t say that!” Nia yells. “That stuff ain’t true!” Her hands are shaking now and her breath comes faster and faster, but I don’t stop.
“It is true, Nia! You ain’t even cried since Daddy died! You don’t even go to Momma when she cries! All you do is listen to them stupid headphones and talk to boys!” My words are muddled with sobs and tears now. “When Daddy died, I thought that was gon’ be the worst day of my life. Then Momma left us here and I thought that was worse. But the real worst thing is you!” My voice cracks cause I’ve cried and screamed my throat nearly raw. I wanna wipe my soaking-wet face, but Nia still got my arms pinned. I taste the salt of my tears on my tongue as I cry and cry.
Nia don’t say nothin’。 She reaches for the purple towel, still in a crumpled heap on the floor, then stands and wraps it around her body. I sit up and wiggle my fingers and toes, which feel like they are being pricked by a bunch of needles. Nia sits down on the edge of the bed and we both stay that way, silent, for a full minute.
“I hate you,” I finally whisper. Nia looks up at me and I think I see a tear in the corner of her eye. But then I think I made it up in my head, cause her face stays dry as I talk. “I hate you cause you let our new cousin touch you.” Do I hate Nia? Or am I mad at her for tryna act like a grown-up, when all that grown-ups do is hurt me? I shake the thought away. “I hate you cause you won’t play with me no more, and cause you laugh at me with your stupid friends. But mostly, I hate you for making Momma cry, and for not crying for Daddy.”
Holding on to the edge of the dresser, I get myself up off the floor and walk toward the door. I don’t wanna sleep in the same room with Nia no more. I wasted all our time in Lansing tryna make her be nice to me again. But now I see that ain’t gon’ happen, cause Nia has changed. She ain’t the same person she used to be and probably never will be again. Far as I’m concerned, I ain’t got a daddy no more and I ain’t got a sister no more, either.
“KB?” Nia calls as I turn the doorknob. “There’s something you should know.”
I pause, but I don’t turn back to her. I’m done with secrets, and I’m done with Nia. I walk out the door and shut it behind me, for good.
8
The hottest part of the summer is ending. The days used to scald like a fresh pot of boiling water, but now they feel like a lukewarm bath that you could soak in all day. Up in my tree, I look around at the neighborhood. Feels like my neighborhood now. The field behind Granddaddy’s house has gone from dull to bright and back again, with scattered flowers now leaning and gloomy. Up this high, at the right time of day, I can feel a little breeze through the leaves. Down below, the grass is greener cause it ain’t been burned by the scorching sun.
I reach up high to pluck a bright green leaf from above my head, then settle into my favorite spot with folded legs. Most days I read books and look for caterpillars or find rocks. Now I got seven white rocks, four brown, ten gray, two black, and one rock that’s so dirty I can’t tell what color it was to start. All those plus Bobby’s rocks makes twenty-seven. I look for more rocks every day, and whether I find any or not, I always count ’em again. I ain’t able to play with Bobby and Charlotte whenever I want, so I count my rocks to remind myself that I still got two friends here I can count on.
I nibble on the end of the leaf’s stem, one of my favorite things to do when I’m thinking bout a lot of stuff. I ain’t talked to Nia in five days. That’s four days longer than we’ve ever went without talking. Once Nia had some big paper due for English class and from the time she woke up to the time she went to bed, Nia worked on that paper with Momma. More like Momma was working and Nia was complaining. I tried to come in the room with them a couple times, but Momma would shoo me away. Before now, that’s the only thing that ever kept me and Nia from talking this long.