In the young adult section, I resist the urge to sift through every page of every book. Instead, I find a seat in the back corner, where ain’t nobody else around. I set my backpack down on the floor beside me to rest my shoulders, so I can think.
I try to remember those movies me and Nia used to watch with kids running away. They would always go to somebody’s house, like a friend or a teacher. But I don’t really know nobody here, cept for the people I ran away from.
What would Nia do? The thought pops into my head before I can stop it. Not long after Daddy’s funeral, Nia tried to run away. She did run away, I think, for a few hours. Momma was yelling and crying and calling people on the phone. Turns out, Nia was at some boy’s house. Momma whispered on the phone with the boy’s momma and yelled on the phone with Nia. I pretended not to know what was going on. Then Nia came back home.
I think back to meeting Rondell at the swimming pool. Maybe if I ask somebody for directions to the swimming pool, then I can go back there, and maybe I can find him again. I bet if I do, he gon’ be happy to see me. And maybe he can help me find some good places to run away to around here.
I stand up and stretch, then pick up my backpack to leave. But first I pick up a book with a girl on the cover riding a horse. I went through all the trouble to run away; might as well do some stuff I like. I sit and read the entire book before anybody comes to stop me.
* * *
The swimming pool ain’t nearly as packed as it was before. Probably cause it’s not so hot today. Still hot enough for swimming, but cool enough to make different kinds of plans, too. I look around soon as I get there, hoping to see Rondell or his cousins. But I don’t see them nowhere. In fact, I don’t see nobody I recognize from the last time. Most of the people here today are old. And white. I think bout Bobby and Charlotte’s momma, and I wonder if coming here was such a good idea.
I walk around pool chairs with Charlotte’s bike at my side, being extra careful not to roll over anybody. I thought to leave the bike out front, but I was scared some kid might see it and steal it. There’s a single chair at the edge of the pool in the back, and I head that way. Feels like everybody’s staring at me as I walk by. Wonder if they can all tell I’m running away. I keep my head low and try to look like a kid who’s obeying her parents.
I reach the chair and sit down, leaning Charlotte’s bike up against the pool gate. I look around, putting my hand up on my forehead to shield my gaze from the hot sun. Most of the people here are laying around the pool in chairs or on towels. Only a few are in the water, holding on to the edges like I used to hold on to Momma’s ankles when she tried to leave. I count people to keep from noticing my grumbling tummy. Forty-nine, then I can’t ignore it no more. I search in my backpack and find the apple, which I bite into greedily.
The only kid in the whole pool is a little girl, swimming with a man who I guess is her daddy. She looks younger than me, maybe bout seven. But even though she’s small, she knows how to swim. Her golden head dips in and out the water as she slips and splashes past her daddy. They stop and play when she needs a break, tossing a soggy red ball back and forth with fast, wet breath. Whenever she paddles away to find the ball, her daddy watches her with a steady gaze and feet ready to move. If I had to guess what it feels like to have your daddy watch you like that, I bet it feels like being lifted so high up in the air it feels like flying, but being held so tight that no matter what happens, you know you ain’t gon’ fall. Kinda like it feels when Granddaddy holds my hands and listens to me talk, now that I think bout it.
I hear a familiar yell, and I know it’s gon’ be them before I even see the brown heads pop out the locker room door. I spot Dominique first, still yelling, then Porsha close behind her. The smallest boy comes after that, then the biggest. I still don’t know either of their names. Then comes Rondell, laughing and yelling something to his cousins I can’t hear. Seems like they all running from him, though, cause they hop in the water fast and start swimming away. Maybe another game of Marco Polo.
I wanna go in the pool, but my blue jean shorts ain’t right for swimming. Plus, I don’t want his cousins to see me and think I came back here just for him. Even though I did, but not like that.
I watch them play while I finish my apple. I don’t think the game is Marco Polo, but I can’t figure out what it is, either. Whatever the game, it’s making all the old white people mad, cause Rondell and his cousins keep yelling and splashing. I giggle as I watch Rondell chase Porsha around the pool, heading in my direction, til she jumps into the water with knees tucked into her chest.
“Cannonball!” Porsha screams, so loud that everybody sleeping wakes up. I laugh and laugh and then I snort cause I’m laughing so hard. That’s when Rondell looks up and sees me.
I don’t think nobody else sees me, just him. He don’t wave, just offers me a tiny smile. I give him one back, then pretend like I was looking at something else. I’m still staring at the ground beside my chair when he walks up.
“Hey,” he says, “what you doin’ here?” I look up and pretend to be surprised to see him. His hair is in them braids again, like the first time.
“Hey,” I reply, casual. “Just came for a swim.” I realize after I say it that I sound silly. Surely he can see I ain’t got on no swimming clothes. I’m sittin’ over here, away from the pool, eating an apple with a bike and a stuffed backpack. Rondell looks at me real strange after my answer. I hide my apple beneath the seat, like that’s gon’ fix it all.
“Everything okay?” Rondell asks, as the half-eaten apple rolls from under my chair and toward the pool.
“Yeah, it’s good.” I wanna say more, but don’t know where to start. Me and Rondell ain’t known each other too long, at least not long enough for me to tell him I ran away and came to him. But I’m here now, so I guess it’s too late for second thoughts.
“Sorry if I got you in trouble,” Rondell says, then adds, “on your birthday.” I was hoping he had somehow forgot all bout me showing him my underwear, but by the way he smirks at me, I know he ain’t forget. I blush hard and lower my eyes.
“It’s okay, I ain’t get in trouble,” I say, still not looking at him.
“I was hoping I was gon’ see you again,” says Rondell, scratching the back of his head as he talks. “We ain’t get to finish our . . . conversation.” Seems like both of us are feeling shy bout what happened at Pizza Land. I ain’t even sure why I did it, cept that Nia was flirting so much it made it hard for me to see or think straight. I thought that taking control for once would help, but after, I ain’t feel as good as I thought I would.
“Yeah, me too,” I say, looking over at my packed backpack. I’m nervous that if I tell him I ran away, I’m gon’ have to tell him why. That would mean telling him bout all the secrets and Nia with Jesse and the headshot that tore Momma and Granddaddy apart. It’s too much to say, I know, cause it’s too much to live. I wonder if there’s any way to take all that stuff in my head and make it sound simple. “That’s actually why I came here,” I say finally.