I blame her for it. Blame her for cracking my carefully crafted mask, shattering it to pieces when she is around. I’ve never felt so much, never feared so much. But if I must endure the consequences that feeling something for her brings, then so does she.
It’s like a tangible tether between us, this consuming connection.
I will her to meet my eyes, and when they do—
Sparks.
Electricity.
Everything beautiful, everything bold, everything breathtaking—that is what I feel in her gaze.
That, and terrified. Terrified of what she is doing to me.
She is a vision, a nightmare, a dream.
A grim reaper clad in black, come to steal my soul and my heart.
I’ve never seen something so beautiful, so bold, so blatantly wrong for me.
She is a devil.
She is a deity.
She is a man’s downfall in human form.
She is my downfall.
Then her eyes drift to Kitt.
The connection snaps.
And I’m left feeling empty besides the jealousy growing inside of me.
Why did I ever think I could have her, ever think she would have me?
Because beasts don’t get the beauty.
Chapter Fifty-One
Paedyn
I’m avoiding him. Not the best way to deal with a problem, I’ll admit. But Kai is a very pressing problem. A very desirable distraction.
So, I keep myself busy, though I still manage to notice that he is doing the same. Girl after gorgeous girl finds their way into his arms and onto the dance floor, all of them wearing glowing smiles and green dresses.
I bury the emotion I don’t want to identify as jealousy, though it claws at me nonetheless.
I have a job to do.
I turn my attention back to my partner for the dozenth time. Kitt smiles, continuing our easy conversation that my mind keeps wanting to wander from. I force myself to focus on his words rather than the thing I need to steal from him. We spin, and I catch a glimpse of the keyring against the inside of his suit coat pocket. My fingers twitch, itching to tap into the thieving instincts I’ve suppressed while in the castle—for the most part.
“You look beautiful.”
I startle at Kitt’s soft words, forcing my gaze up to meet his. He’s smiling at the look on my face as he says, “You shouldn’t be so shocked by that.”
We are quiet for a moment before I finally form words. “You shock me.”
“Do I?”
“Yes,” I answer honestly, “you are not what I expected.”
His grin looks almost too boyish to belong to the future king. “Did I disappoint?”
I wish.
“No.” His smile widens at the word, and I hurry to add, “Not yet.”
Then I’m dipping towards the floor and he’s chuckling above me as I suck in a surprised breath. He holds me there, and my opportunity arrives. This is the moment I’ve been dreading, been planning. His suit coat is open, his eyes are pinned on me, and his thoughts are on anything but the keys in his pocket.
So I do what I do best—thieve.
I fumble, pretending to slip, though it’s quite believable in the stilts I’m wearing. I throw my hands out to steady myself, one on his shoulder and one on his chest near the pocket inside his suit.
His arms wrap tighter around my waist as I hold his gaze, smiling even as I slip my hand into his pocket. Smiling even as I betray the boy who has been nothing but kind to me. Smiling even as the keyring opens, and I slide the largest one off the end, feeling the raised swirls that decorate it pressing into my palm.
He pulls me up slowly, strong arms standing me upright. But my hand is already out of his pocket and resting behind his shoulder, innocent and insignificant.
“And here I was, thinking your dancing was improving,” Kitt says with a teasing smile.
“And here I was, thinking you would warn me before sending my flying towards the floor.” I blow out a breath, smiling as I add, “And now I could use a drink.”
“Not too much to drink. You can barely remember the steps as it is.” He tosses me a grin before turning towards the drink table. “But I’ll get you one, nevertheless.”
I let out a shaky breath as I watch him walk into the crowd, my corset suddenly feeling far too tight. The key is slick in my palm, hot against my skin.
“May I have this dance?”
I spin around, my face close to one splattered with freckles. Lenny’s usually messy hair is combed, red strands tamed for the evening. He’s dressed in a fine black suit, blending in with the rest of the men around us.
“Why, of course,” I reply, forcing a smile to my lips. His hand finds my waist, mine finds his shoulder, and then our free hands meet.
The key is clasped between our palms, and Lenny gives me a wide smile at the feel of it. “Well done. Easy, right?”
My voice is distant, distracted. “Yeah. Easy.”
“You remember the plan?”
I sigh. “Well, I’m not really doing much, am I? Now all I have to do is survive the last Trial.”
“Yeah, well, that may be the hardest task of all.”
I nod once, focusing on the spinning figures around us, spotting Andy dancing with a blushing girl I’ve never seen before. My eyes wander to where Kitt and Jax are laughing, the former ruffling his little brother’s hair with a wide grin. I had seen Blair earlier, though it isn’t difficult to find her again with her bright green dress burning my eyes. I look away before I find myself searching once again for a certain prince in the crowd.
There are only five of us left.
I briefly wonder how many will survive to see the sun set tomorrow. Briefly wonder what parents will be mourning their child. Death is what these Trials bring—not honor, not glory, not happiness. Only death.
“Are you alright?” Lenny’s soft voice washes over me, and I turn my attention back to his big, brown eyes.
“Are any of us alright?”
He gives me a half-shrug. “Good point.”
The dance ends and our hands drop, but not before Lenny transfers the key into his palm and then his pocket. “Be careful tomorrow.” His voice is a low whisper, laced with worry.
“Awe, are you worried about me, Lenny?” I croon.
“Maybe a little, Princess.” He almost rolls his eyes. “Don’t die, okay?”
“I can’t make any promises, but for your sake, I’ll try to stay alive. Wouldn’t want you to have to live without me.” He smiles and shakes his head at me, but I catch his arm before he can turn away. “Hey, good luck. And remember what I told you about the passage. Oh, and—”
His laugh cuts me off. “Plagues, have a little faith in me, Paedyn. I’ve got this.”
I sigh and give him a slight nod before he turns and disappears into the crowd.
I smooth a sweaty hand over the thick corset of my dress before running it down the soft fabric billowing beneath. Then I turn on my heel, my legs sliding easily through the skirt’s slits I begged Adena to make extra high so I wouldn’t feel restricted by fabric. Maybe that’s the claustrophobia talking or maybe I simply like to have the option of sending a high kick towards someone’s face if need be.
I nearly run into Jax on the dance floor, and he grins at the sight of me. “Paedyn, hi! Do you want to dance? Andy ditched me. Not to mention that she has had far too much wine, and I don’t trust her not to fall on top of me.”