Midnight: Lights out, peaceful slumber. Just kidding, lights out then logistical, corporeal, and spiritual panic.
Lather, rinse, repeat!
Have you ever been to Missouri? Also have you ever had a pen pal or am I, um, your first?
（Re: Annabel etc., I appreciate your honesty. I don’t think there’s much point in having a pandemic pen pal if you’re not going to be honest. I actually just typed a whole other paragraph here about Annabel and life and my existential confusion, but I’ve decided to spare us both and deleted it. It’s water under the bridge. If this makes you feel better, Danny is now happily dating Nigel’s daughter Lucy, who recently graduated from Brown, works in publishing, and is predictably gorgeous yet oddly down-to-earth. I’m rooting for them as a couple and also rooting for Nigel to officially become Danny’s quasi-Jewish quasi-dad.）
from: Noah Brewster <[email protected]>
to: Sally Milz <[email protected]>
date: Jul 24, 2020, 1:49 AM
subject: Actually
Of course I’ve been to Missouri! I’ve played a few times at Sprint Center in K.C., the Chaifetz in St. Louis, and years ago at the Blue Note in Columbia, MO, which is a cool smaller space （I believe a former movie theater）。 I can’t say I’ve spent tons of time exploring Kansas City, but I did visit the museum with the huge badminton birdie sculptures on the lawn. On tour, if there is time apart from sound check and media stuff, I try to do one local thing, even if it’s just a meal. But I also try not to be unhealthy, and eating the local specialty while not eating unhealthily can be at odds.
Sort of on this topic…I know this is a loaded question coming from me, but what would you say is your relationship with drinking and alcohol? You mentioned having “grapefruit seltzer water on the rocks” when your stepdad has a cocktail, although I am under the impression you sometimes drink. In case this doesn’t go without saying, I realize drinking but not to excess is a normal part of life for lots of people…those enviably well-adjusted people!
Your stepdad sounds like a great guy and I bet he’s really glad you’re there. I look forward to hearing more about your biological dad or your mom if you ever want to share it. Unfortunately, I do not have a very good relationship with my parents. We don’t fight, but we aren’t close. Under normal circumstances, I see them about once a year, and I talk to them on the phone every few months. I have tried to make peace with who they are （I remember you and I discussed that I have benefited a lot from therapy, and certainly in this area）。 They still live in Arlington, Virginia, and they’re both retired, but my dad was a tax lawyer and my mom worked in admissions at a K-8 private school. They are WASPs in every sense （read: snobs）， and they’ve always seen my career as distasteful because of being so public. Plus, they think the music industry and L.A. are filled with unsavory people. Even before the pandemic, they led a very insular life of playing tennis at their country club, drinks and dinners with a small group of friends, and spending the summers in Maine. Obviously, I don’t have anything to complain about, and there are clear advantages I have had in terms of my education even if I squandered the chance to attend college, and in terms of the financial safety net under me. But most of all there’s the advantage of believing there would be a place in the world for my music. Because I was a shy, freaky goth weirdo as a teen, it took me years to cop to the entitlement or even arrogance inherent in thinking you have the right to pursue and share your art. It turns out a disproportionate number of people in the music industry grew up privileged, and many of them will go to great lengths to make you think otherwise. For sure, there are also a lot of musicians who overcame obstacles, including no money, and those people are usually more talented and much more enjoyable to hang out with.
I hope this isn’t all too much information. I found your description of your stepdad so interesting that I thought I would try to give a comparable description. One thing I am very lucky about is that I really do consider my sister Vicky to be one of my best friends. She was there when I hosted TNO, and you two met briefly. Our parents disapprove of her in a different way from how they disapprove of me （she’s a social worker who helps kids in foster care find “forever families,” which to me makes her a hero while to my parents she is prioritizing other people’s kids over her own—my nephew Jonah is six and my nephew Billy is four—plus she is divorced, which they also are ridiculously judgmental about）。 Vicky and I coordinate our annual visit to our parents so we can buffer each other.
Should I ask what your screenplay is about or does a genius not reveal the details of her work in progress? I assume it’s a romantic comedy and that it features an Indigo Girls song at the climactic moment, but are you willing to say what happens in it beyond that? I am glad to now know that the secret to becoming an award-winning TNO writer is getting your own TV in 5th grade! I guess one of the reasons I had to go into music is that I didn’t have my own TV until adulthood.
As for a day in the life…yours is a lot more interesting between dogs, chair yoga, and witty neighbors, but here goes:
9AM: wake up
10AM: at the risk of seeming like a cliché again, my trainer Bobby comes M/W/F. We do all our workouts outside and stay six feet apart. We stopped for a while in March-April, but for me personally working out is such an important way of maintaining an even keel with regard to sobriety and everything else.
1PM: lunch, then I catch up on emails or work stuff, which has slowed a lot. In the last few months, I have done some online fundraisers, including that notoriously glitchy one in late April.
4PM: either go for a hike to fight cabin fever or occasionally some friends come over. There are a few guys who I am messing around in a side project band with. One of the guys （two of the seven “guys” are women） is Erik Ventresca from Frontal Plumage, we’ve talked about working together for years, but for now we just jam in a totally low pressure way. Although I have a studio at my house, for obvious reasons, I carry everything outside, including amps. We’ve done this five or six times, and it’s been a salvation. I’d meet up every day if they could, but the rest of them have families…including kids doing online school.
8PM: as mentioned, Margit cooks most of my meals but I have been cooking more than I did in the past. Now that I know you’re a pescatarian, maybe some day I will make my pan-seared salmon for you. Do you like to cook?
About Annabel…yes, absolutely on water under the bridge. But I am intrigued by your missing paragraph of existential confusion. I love existential confusion! That missing paragraph reminds me of the missing Watergate tapes. （I’m trying to impress you with historic political references because that seems like something a TNO writer would be into. Is it working?）
You’re my first pen pal! Am I, um, your first?
from: Sally Milz <[email protected]>
to: Noah Brewster <[email protected]>
date: Jul 24, 2020, 10:22 AM
subject: Actually
Okay, I have A LOT of questions! Were you really a shy freaky goth teen or is that what you tell people out of modesty? Do you work out for three hours a day?! What kind of music does your side project band play? But above all, how can your parents not be so proud and impressed that you are a super-talented and successful musician beloved by millions of people around the world? That’s batshit crazy! In his heart of hearts, my stepdad doesn’t even find TNO funny （it’s in the “There’s a lot going on, isn’t there?” category for him）， and he’ll still tell anyone who’ll listen that I’m a writer there. The best part is that he refers to it as The Night Owl, singular, instead of The Night Owls.