Immediately, I thought about when the Teermans had addressed the city after the attack. “Like in crowds?”
Poppy nodded. “Yes. Or when someone projects their pain without realizing it. Those times are rare. I don’t see anything more than you or anyone else would see, but I feel what they do.”
What she was telling me was…it sounded impossible for a mortal. “You…just feel what they feel?” Wait. My eyes widened. “So, you felt the pain that Airrick, who had received a very painful injury, felt?”
Poppy’s gaze lifted to mine, and she nodded once more.
Fucking gods. I briefly closed my eyes. “That had to be…”
“Agony?” she said. “It was, but it’s not the worst I’ve felt. Physical pain is always warm, and it’s acute, but the mental, emotional pain is like…like bathing in ice on the coldest day. That kind of pain is far worse.”
My mind was racing again, pulling out the times I’d seen her uncomfortable—her hands twisting nonstop. “And you can feel other emotions? Like happiness or hatred? Relief…or guilt?”
“I can, but it’s new. And I’m not often sure what I’m feeling. I have to rely on what I know, and well…” She shrugged. “But to answer your question, yes.”
I had no fucking clue what to say because even though I’d seen her do it, my brain rebelled against the news.
“That’s not all I can do,” she added.
“Obviously,” I said dryly.
“I can also ease other people’s pain by touch. Usually, it’s not something the person notices, not unless they’re experiencing a great deal of obvious pain.”
Something tugged at the recesses of my memories. “How?”
“I think of…happy moments and feed that through the bond my gift establishes through the connection,” she shared.
“You think happy thoughts and that’s it?”
Her nose scrunched. “Well, I wouldn’t say it like that. But, yes.”
Hold on… My gaze shot to hers. “Have you sensed my emotions before?”
Her throat worked on a swallow. “I have.”
I sat back. Holy fuck, only the gods knew what she’d picked up from me.
“I didn’t do it on purpose at first—well, okay, I did, but only because you always looked like… I don’t know,” she said, and I looked at her again. “A caged animal whenever I saw you around the castle, and I was curious to find out why. I realize I shouldn’t have. I didn’t do it…a lot. I made myself stop. Sort of,” she added as my brows rose. “For the most part. Sometimes, I just can’t help it. It’s like I’m denying nature to not…”
My stomach clenched. “What did you feel from me?”
Poppy gave me a small shake of her head as she faced me. “Sadness.”
I stiffened.
“Deep grief and sorrow.” Her stare fastened on my chest. “It’s always there, even when you’re teasing or smiling. I don’t know how you deal with it. I figure a lot of it has to do with your brother and friend.”
My lips parted. The niggling in the back of my mind? I suddenly thought of what had happened after we’d left her studies. The inexplicable peace I’d felt.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have used my gift on you, and I probably should’ve just lied—”
“Have you eased my pain before?” I asked.
She pressed her hands into her thighs. “I have.”
“Twice. Right? After you were with the Priestess, and the night of the Rite.” When we’d been in the garden, and I’d been speaking about the caves. There had also been a strange easing of sorrow and bitterness then, I now realized. It hadn’t been as strong, nor had it lasted as long, but those heavy emotions had eased.
Poppy nodded.
“Well, now I understand why I felt…lighter. The first time it lasted—damn, it lasted for a while. Got the best sleep in years.” I coughed out a short laugh, a little stunned. Okay, a lot stunned.
“Too bad that can’t be bottled and sold.”
“Why?” The demand burst from me. “Why did you take my pain? Yes, I do…feel sadness. I miss my brother with every breath I take. His absence haunts me, but it’s manageable.” Now. Now it was manageable.
“I know,” she said quietly. “You don’t let it interfere with your life, but I…I didn’t like knowing that you were hurting, and I could help, at least temporarily. I just wanted—”
“What?” I asked.
“I wanted to help. I wanted to use my gift to help people.”
I drew back, exhaling roughly. “And you have? More than just me and Airrick?”
“I have. Those who are cursed? I often ease their pain. And Vikter would get terrible headaches. I would sometimes help him with those. And Tawny, but she never knew.”
“That’s how the rumors got started.” Godsdamn. “You’re doing it to help the cursed.”
“And their families sometimes,” she told me in a voice that was too small, too quiet for someone so fucking caring. “They often feel such sorrow that I have to.”
“But you’re not allowed.”
“No, and it seems so stupid that I can’t.” Poppy threw up her hands. “That I’m not supposed to. The reason doesn’t even make sense. Wouldn’t the gods have already found me worthy to have given me this gift?”
“One would think so.” And it was a damn good question. “Can your brother do this? Anyone else in your family?”
“No. It’s only me, and the last Maiden. We were both born in a shroud,” she said. “And my mother realized what I could do around the age of three or four.”
I frowned. The last Maiden? There was no other Maiden that I knew of.
“What?” She peeked at me.
I shook my head, then my gaze cut to hers. “Are you reading me now?”
“No,” she insisted, lowering her gaze to her hands. “I seriously try not to, even when I really want to. Doing so feels like cheating when it’s someone I…”
Poppy stiffened. She went so damn still, then her wide eyes swung back to mine. Her lips parted as she stared at me. Kept staring at me as pink crept into her cheeks.
“Now, I wish I had your gift,” I said. “Because I would love to know what you’re feeling at this moment.”
“I feel nothing from the Ascended,” Poppy blurted out, and I blinked. “Absolutely nothing, even though I know they feel physical pain.”
“That’s…”
“Weird, right?” she said.
“I was going to say disturbing, but sure, it’s weird.”
“You know?” She leaned in, lowering her voice as if someone was hidden in her bathing chamber. “It always bothered me that I couldn’t feel anything. It should be a relief, but it never was. It just made me feel…cold.”
I wanted to tell her there was a reason for that. It was because they had no souls, but that would basically be shouting in her face that her brother didn’t have one.