“Everyone’s talking about how beautiful and confident you were. At court, there’s really no higher compliments.”
I had plenty of thoughts on the Descended prioritizing beauty and arrogance over all else, but her expression was so radiant with contagious joy, I forced myself to hold back.
“Everyone was too far gone on the wine to notice my dancing. That’s another positive.”
She laughed and squeezed my arm. “You were a lovely dancer.”
“It’s treason to lie to your Queen, Eleanor.”
“Your last dance with Luther seemed to go especially well,” she teased. “Anything you want to tell me about?”
My cheeks turned hot. I had barely thought of much else since that final dance. I tossed and turned all night, my conversations with Luther running on a torturous loop.
His words. His touch. How he protected the mortals without question. The way he defended me to Iléana. His belief in my reign.
What he’d confessed about how he felt.
I’d risen before dawn overwhelmed with guilt over Henri and determined to put Luther out of his misery with a firm but polite rejection. For an hour, I paced my room and rehearsed my speech while Sorae watched with skeptical eyes and the occasional snort of judgment.
By the time Luther arrived for our daily breakfast, I’d felt confident both my speech and my resolve were solid as godstone, until one flash of that smile he reserved just for me had a very different response rising to my lips—one I hadn’t yet dared to speak aloud.
But he hadn’t come alone. Alixe had joined in to give a report on the latest movements of the Emarion Army, which eventually devolved into the three of us swapping stories about our most memorable fights and embarrassing training mishaps.
It made for a lovely morning of laughter and budding friendship, but now I felt more confused about what I wanted than ever.
“Well?” Eleanor prodded. “You two were dancing like you were the only people in the room.”
“We had a long talk,” I said carefully.
She snorted. “Did he finally admit he’s fallen head over heels for you?” I stopped and stared at her, and Eleanor’s jaw dropped nearly to the floor. “Blessed Mother, he did.”
“No! I mean… not in those words. He—he said…” I toyed with the ends of my hair. “I asked about what he said at the cousins’ dinner—about wanting to serve me, not marry me.”
“And?” She seized me by the arms and shook me with brows high. “And!?”
“And… he said he wanted me. All of me.”
Eleanor gazed at me with honest-to-gods hearts in her eyes and made a high-pitched swooning sound. I buried my head in my hands and groaned.
“Do you feel the same way?”
“I’m engaged, Eleanor.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“I’m engaged.”
She pried my hands from my face, forcing me to meet her stare. “If you weren’t engaged… would you feel the same way?”
Because Eleanor had been a loyal friend to me—maybe the only one I’d ever had, other than Henri—and because I was tired of hiding my soul away and pretending to be unbreakable, I let the armor fall, and I let her see all the anguish and doubt that was rending my heart in two.
“I had a life before this Crown, Eleanor. I had a family and a career, a man I cared for. And now I’m being given a new family, a new calling, and feelings I’ve never had before…”
I squeezed my eyes closed in a desperate bid to keep my composure.
“I’m losing myself. I feel like I’ve been set on fire, and everything that makes me who I am is burning away, bit by bit.”
Eleanor pulled me in and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “I know we haven’t known each other long, but I can already see the woman you are. I see your kindness and your values. Those things are what define you, Diem. Not your titles or the person you marry.”
She pulled back and tapped the medallion at my chest bearing the House Corbois insignia. “Everyone says this phoenix represents dying and coming back as something new, but I disagree. I think it’s a symbol of surviving when the world burns down around us. It’s a reminder that no challenge can destroy the parts of us that truly matter. We’re not reborn in the flames. We’re revealed.”
She brushed my tears away, her fiercely loving expression reminding me so much of my mother it hurt. “This man you’re engaged to—if you love him, then fight for him. But if you’re only holding on to him because you’re afraid of losing who you are…” She took my hands in hers. “Nothing can take that away from you, Diem. No Crown, no man. Not even the Kindred themselves.”
I let her words sink in, and I let myself consider what it might mean to accept them—not just the consequences for my heart, but for all of Emarion, if I followed this path Luther believed I was being called to walk.
“You’re a wonderful advisor, Eleanor Corbois,” I said between sniffles, touching my forehead to hers. “And you’re an even better friend.”
“Are you two about to kiss?”
Eleanor let go of me as her eyes rolled to the ceiling with an exasperated groan. “I swear Taran, you really know how to ruin a moment.”
We turned to see Taran and Luther sauntering down the hall. They were both smirking, their postures relaxed, but as Luther took in my reddened eyes and wet cheeks, his smile vanished. His shoulders pulled tight, his expression turning sharp.
“I knew every man in the palace was trying to get in your bed, Queenie,” Taran joked. “I didn’t know you had the women lining up, too.”
“What can I say Tare-Tare, I’m just so sweet and well-behaved, it’s irresistible,” I teased back, laughing weakly as I wiped my face dry.
“What happened?” Luther asked tersely.
“I’m fine,” I rushed out. “It’s nothing.”
“Tare-Tare?” Eleanor howled. “I’m calling you that from now on.”
Taran glowered. “You might want to rethink that, Ellie Belly.”
She scowled.
“Who hurt you?” Luther demanded, ignoring his cousins. Two gauntlets of light appeared on his hands, tendrils of power crackling around him as he clenched his fists.
Taran looked at me, then at Luther, then shrugged. “Go on then, tell us who to kill.” He held out palms, and two hissing orbs of shadow hovered over his hands. “Is it Aemonn? Please say it’s Aemonn.”
“Aemonn?” Luther snarled, eyes narrowing. “Did he—”
“Blessed Kindred, put the magic away,” Eleanor scolded. “No one hurt anyone. We were just talking about our feelings. It’s a thing people do sometimes. You two should give it a try.”
Taran chuckled as his orbs disappeared, but Luther held firm. My heart reeled at the protective fire blazing in his eyes.
I offered him a small smile. “I’m alright. Really.”
Eleanor walked up to Taran and linked her arm with his. “Come on Tare-Tare, walk with me. Maybe we can make a drinking game out of these House Receptions.” Their laughter echoed down the corridor as they continued ahead.