“I’m obviously not capable of it.” Her nose crinkled the way it always did when she was uncomfortable…or lied. “You found me out right away.”
I tapped her lips with my fingertip. “It was your intention, though. I have to admit, that hurts.”
She flew into motion, banding her arms around me and burying her face in my throat. Her lips moved against my skin.
“I feel like shit, Luca. I’m sick over this.” Her fingers gripped my shirt as she dug in closer. “I’m sorry I hurt you. It doesn’t matter if I meant to or not. I did, and I’m so sorry.”
Her fierce reaction to my pain took me aback. She’d taken my anger in stride, but the second I’d said I was hurt, she was holding me, apologizing to me, trembling in my arms.
“Saoirse. Look at me.”
Her head came up, revealing a flushed face and watery eyes. “I’m sorry, Luca.”
I took her quivering chin in my hand. “Promise never to hide anything from me again and I’ll forgive you.”
Her lashes lowered, and one lone tear tracked down her cheek. “I promise. I hate this so much. There is absolutely no way I want to repeat this. We don’t keep things from each other.”
I wiped her tear on my thumb and sucked it off. “No, we don’t. And we don’t cry over each other unless they’re tears of happiness. Got it?”
“I got it.”
“No spilling wine on yourself. You can’t say yes at your own expense.”
“No spilling wine,” she echoed.
“You better mean that.”
She sucked in a shaky breath, and it rattled my heart. “I mean it, Luca.”
She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine. Cupping the back of her head, I held her there while I really kissed my wife, letting her taste the salt on my tongue from her tears and replacing it with all her sweet.
Miller would be dealt with. And soon. But right now, I needed to concentrate on what was most important in this moment, and that was making things right with my wife.
Chapter Thirtyseven
Saoirse
Luca led me down to his studio.
We hadn’t been hanging out there as much. Instead, we had dinner together, took rides on his bike, played with Clem.
That didn’t mean Luca didn’t go there on his own. He did. Only now, he spent an hour or two in his studio instead of the whole evening.
My hand was still shaky in his when he pulled me inside. The only reason I hadn’t burst into tears in the den was because this wasn’t about me. Luca had been hurt. I was the wielder of the weapon that had injured him. It wasn’t his job to comfort me when I was in the wrong.
Suck it up, buttercup.
Luca was being sweeter than I deserved, but who was I to tell him he couldn’t be?
“I made you something,” he said.
“What? You did?”
“Yes. It started with the sketch I couldn’t get right.”
“The sketch of me,” I murmured.
“Mmhmm. Then capturing you became something of an obsession.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him he’d captured me months ago. That I was his and had no intention of escaping my binds anytime soon.
But of course, that wasn’t what he’d meant.
His hand was warm around mine as he pulled me deeper into the studio. “Then I realized my pretty girl can’t be captured. When I stopped trying to confine you to one thing, I was unblocked. And…well, you’ll see.”
The walls had been covered in paint splatters and dents but otherwise bare. Now, they were home to drawings, paintings, and chrome-dipped sculptures.
First, I went to my shining silver profile. It was hollow and one-sided, allowing it to be hung from the wall. There was a flower tucked over my ear, and my hair was whirling swirls of metal cascading behind me. My chin was tipped up, and my mouth was stretched into a wide smile.
Luca stood behind me, clutching my hips. His fingers latched around my bones, attaching himself to me like a snapped button.
“You have questions?” he asked softly.
I nodded, but nothing came out, which made him chuckle and hold me a little tighter. But dear god, his gravity was the only thing keeping my feet on the ground. I needed his tether, or the lightness in my bones would betray me.
We moved together to the next piece, which was a pencil sketch of the same pose. Profile, hair blowing, smile. I reached out to touch it but stopped myself. When I dropped my hand, Luca picked it up and placed my fingertips on the paper.
“It’s from a picture the judge took,” he murmured beside my ear.
“The pictures you’ve kept from me since that day.”
“I didn’t know you wanted them.”
I turned my head, glimpsing at him over my shoulder. “I do.”
He hummed. “Now I don’t know if I want to share them.”
I leaned my back against his chest and tipped my face to the side to kiss his jaw. “Send them to me when you want me to have them.”
We slid over to the watercolor painting. I was reading in this one. My legs hung over the side of the couch, one finger twirling the end of a lock of hair. This must have been based on one of the many evenings I’d spent with him in the studio.
My heart stretched my chest, making it feel tight and overstuffed. My tongue was too big for my mouth, and my brain had shrunk to the size of a pea. I couldn’t form words, much less get them out.
Luca shifted me to the next sketch, then the next. There were at least ten pencil or charcoal sketches of me reading in various poses. Always relaxed and serene. Was that really what my face looked like or how Luca saw me?
I thought back to the nights we’d spent here when he’d finally let me into his private world. Something had settled in me. An anxiousness I’d been battling. Luca had noticed it and immortalized that feeling on paper.
The last thing hanging on the wall was a chrome-dipped sculpture of two hands. I recognized our rings. These were our hands.
“I took that from one of the pictures too. I liked the dichotomy of your fine bones and my—”
I spun around and crashed my mouth against his. His response was immediate, taking me in his arms and kissing me back with soul-melting fervor.
I had done nothing in this life to deserve any of this. Not the art. The thoughtfulness. This man. Especially not today, when I’d screwed up in such a big way.
He had to know this was too much. I wasn’t meant to have something like this. I couldn’t begin to fathom how to accept it.
“Luca,” I cried against his demanding lips. I had to tell him since he clearly didn’t know. “I don’t deserve this.”
His fingers wound in the back of my hair, roughly fisting it. A rumble vibrated his chest. “You don’t get to decide that, do you? It’s me who decides. For months, you’ve been the only thing that’s inspired me. My pretty fucking girl. You’re all I want to paint and sculpt, and I’ll do that until I’m satisfied.”
He tapped my lips when I opened them to deny him. “No more arguing. It’s time for you to tell me how much you like all this.”
I clutched at his shirt, reeling myself into his warmth. “I fucking love it, Luca. I’ve never seen myself the way you do.”
“You will, one day. I’m not anywhere done with you.” His hand skimmed down my side to cup my breast. “Next, I’m going to sculpt these, which means I need you modeling for me naked. It could take hours, probably days. You’ll have to lie there and let me look at you.”