Heaving an exhale, I rolled my forehead on hers. “You’re doing it. All the ugly is waiting for me, but it doesn’t weigh as much right now. That’s all you. Stay with me.”
“You don’t have to ask.”
My mouth twitched. First almost-smile of the day, and of course, she was the one to draw it out of me.
“I didn’t.”
She let out a breathy laugh. “Come snuggle with me in the den.”
“Lead the way.”
Before I’d walked in this door, I’d had fucking on my mind. Hard and rough. Making her scream. Taking my frustrations out on her body. Satisfying the empty place in me by making her come over and over until we were both so exhausted that sleep took us over.
But then she climbed into my lap and covered us both with one of the throws I’d bought with her in mind. My head fell back on the cushions. Saoirse tucked her face in my throat and stroked my jaw with her fingertips.
This was peace.
The flip side of the coin.
Beyond these walls was chaos I would have to face, but that didn’t touch us. Not when we were together like this. She took my frustrations by being here. The empty place in me was filled with her presence.
Damn this woman.
She’d made it so that living without her would be a painful, ugly reality. I wasn’t interested in experiencing that. Not now, not two years from now. Whether Saoirse liked it or not, she was mine. She could fight me on it, but that wouldn’t change the fact that I was keeping her. That was what she got for blunting all the sharp and smoothing out the rough. She’d gotten me hooked on her. Going back to life before her didn’t hold even an ounce of attraction.
“I can’t do this without you,” I told her.
“You could, Luca. I know you could. But I’m here. It’s my job to make your life easier, so that’s what I’m going to do.”
A barb pierced my gut. Her job?
Tucking my knuckle beneath her chin, I drew her face up so I could look at her. Her full lips curved into a slow, easy smile.
“I’m not a job.”
“Luca.” Her palm flattened on my cheek. “Of course you’re not a job. I meant my job as your wife. The way I care for you goes way beyond the agreement we made. I hope that’s obvious.”
That should have made me feel better, but I wasn’t thinking about agreements when I had her in my arms. I was thinking about keeping her forever.
When all I did was frown, Saoirse shifted so she was straddling my legs and took my face in both hands.
“I’m here for you, Luca. If you want quiet, I’ll be quiet. If you want to yell and fight, we can do that. I know this shit with Miller and Clara is killing you. You don’t have to say it. I can see it in your face. But I want to be your soft place to land because you’re mine. That’s not a job or an agreement. It’s because we care for each other. Don’t turn away from me because I said the wrong thing. Please let me be here for you. Let me make it easier.”
Reaching up, I took her chin between two fingers. “You’re not working a job when we’re together.”
She shook her head. “No. This is real.”
“Don’t say that again.”
“I won’t.” Her fingers traced the downturned edges of my mouth. “You’re my favorite yes.”
Releasing a shuddering breath, I slammed my eyes shut. I was maddeningly in love with this woman. More vulnerable than I was comfortable being. But there was no helping it.
Saoirse Rossi was my wife.
Two years wasn’t going to be close to enough time with her.
I was beginning to believe two lifetimes wouldn’t cut it either.
Chapter Thirtynine
Luca
The shoulder of my shirt was stiff and damp from hours of my sister’s tears. My guts had been raked and twisted from her sobs and the pain she hadn’t even begun to hold back.
I’d been the one to tell her what Miller had done.
Clara chose to kill the messenger by throwing herself into my arms and letting me feel every ounce of her turmoil. She keened her husband’s name. Begged for me to make it untrue. Bargained for me to cover for him. Then screamed he should never see the light of day again.
Our parents couldn’t comfort her. My mother tried to tell her to be calm for the sake of the baby, but Clara was inconsolable. She cradled her belly and rasped her apologies to the baby kicking inside her.
My father dealt with his own rage. Like me, he wanted blood. He’d taken Miller in as his son-in-law, had treated him like family, given him an executive position at Rossi, all for Miller to spit in his face.
I’d spent the day with them. Holding Clara. Telling my father he had to calm down, or he’d end up having a second heart attack. Forcing my mother to sit down before she ran herself into the ground.
Saoirse had asked me if I’d wanted her to come, but I’d declined. Instinct told me Clara needed privacy to express her grief without restraint. Saoirse could come tomorrow, or the next day, when Clara was ready for her brand of comfort. And she would be. Even though she’d barely been coherent, Clara had asked about Saoirse.
“You should be with her,” she said, shoving at me with weak arms.
“She’s fine, Clara. Saoirse’s working today, but she’s been texting, checking in on you.”
Her head fell on my chest. “You’re such a good husband. Promise me you won’t hide anything from her. Promise me you won’t hurt her like this.”
“I promise I won’t hurt her.”
A great rolling sob racked her body. “Miller wasn’t supposed to hurt me. I know you never liked him, but I loved him so much. He was sweet to me and—”
If I had the chance, I didn’t know how I’d be able to stop myself from killing him. Lucky for Miller, he turned himself in to the FBI last night. Based on my private investigator’s contacts within the bureau, Miller confessed to everything. Even more than what had been uncovered.
In the part of me that hadn’t been charred by cynicism, I wondered if he’d turned himself in for Clara’s sake. If he felt guilty for putting her through this.
But that was probably giving him too much credit. Most likely, he’d sensed the blade dropping. Turning himself in was the only way he could save his own neck. No doubt his attorney would be angling for a plea deal.
When I entered my condo after my never-ending day with my family, all I wanted was a replay of last night, My wife in my arms. Her hands on my face. Sweet words in my ear.
But I was greeted with laughter. Saoirse’s and Miles’s.
That wasn’t uncommon since they began working together. To be honest, it had always put a smile on my face because it meant Saoirse was happy.
Tonight, it was nails on a chalkboard. All the hairs on my arms stood on end. My immediate, gut-churning reaction was betrayal. How could she be laughing when I’d spent the day holding together my crumbling family?
My logical side knew these feelings were irrational. But that side of me had been worked to fucking death today. All that was working now was my hindbrain, which took major offense to another man making my wife happy on today of all days.
It only got worse when Miles came strolling out of their shared office with Clementine in his arms.