“Kasey, stop!” Ada said, sitting up straight.
“What? It’s not like it’d be the first time a daughter killed her abusive stepdad. This stuff really does happen all the time, and maybe someone would understand why I did it—”
“You wouldn’t have to do it alone,” Rosemarie said. Kasey locked eyes with her. The song ended and started again.
“You two! Please,” Ada said.
“Ada, they’re not being serious. Kasey, you’re not being serious,” Caro said. She looked back and forth between the girls and put her pizza down.
“What if she is being serious?” Rosemarie said for her.
“Then I’d say it’s crazy…too crazy to talk about!” Caro said.
“Tell me where I’m wrong. Tell me where there’s some happy-ending, silver-lining shit I’m glossing over, Caro,” Kasey said.
Caroline watched Kasey’s eyes.
“It’s not worth risking your life and your entire future,” Caro said. Kasey could practically see the scale in her mind, weighing everything.
“I don’t have a future…not like this! Even when I come back home from school, Roy will be here…there’s no end to this,” Kasey said.
“I don’t think it’s too crazy to talk about,” Rosemarie said. “Kasey, I promise we can fix this. We will fix this. I’m not saying I have a plan all laid out right now, but I’m just saying maybe it’s not too crazy to talk about.”
“Okay, so when the police come knocking at your door, Rosemarie Kingston, you’ll be okay with getting carted off to jail or whatever for this?” Ada whispered.
“For one, that won’t happen. For two…for Kase? For something I believe in as much as this? Yeah, Ada, I’ll be okay with it.”
“I’ll be okay with it too, Ada,” Caro whispered, suddenly serious. Kasey was surprised she’d gotten to their side so quickly, but she was grateful for it. Her heart kicked harder; her blood was radio static. Caro took another bite of her pizza and held it out for Rosemarie so she could nab a chunk of pineapple. “I know it’s messed up to even be talking about this so seriously, but, like…it is the answer to Kasey’s problems. Undeniably.”
“It’s not like I came up with this idea on the spot. I think about it sometimes. I’ve told Roses I’ve thought about it sometimes,” Kasey said, motioning toward her.
“It’s true,” Rosemarie said.
“Well, you’ve never said that to me!” Ada said.
“Right. Because I didn’t want to totally freak you out!” Kasey said.
“I’m not…totally freaked out…I just think you need to think about this from all angles—” Ada said.
“I have. Ada. I have,” Kasey said.
“No, but, like…seriously, he needs to actually die,” Rosemarie said. “Y’know…graduation night would be ideal, because everyone will be distracted and busy.”
Kasey took her time making direct eye contact with her three best friends.
“Y’all…I swear I’m serious. I’ll do it. It’s the only way to make this go away. This would fix everything…like, everything,” Kasey said. She was trying not to cry again.
A dead Roy—an end and a beginning.
“This would fix everything,” Caroline echoed.
“Obviously, we’ll do anything for each other. Anything! But this is like…this is like a we can never go back again thing,” Ada said.
“I know that,” Kasey said. “You don’t have to be involved. Seriously, Ada, we need to stop talking about it in front of you so you can have plausible deniability or whatever.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t want to be involved! I just said you…we…need to think about this from all angles,” Ada said in another aggressive whisper. She glanced at the bedroom door and back at them. Rosemarie reminded her they were home alone.
“Chill out. And you’re right. We really will do anything for each other,” Rosemarie said. This time, the power of those words was like a smoky magic spell, filling the room with an intense, dark promise that encircled them. Something pliable. Eternal.
Kasey cried into her hands under the weight of it, and her sisters smooshed her up and hugged her so tight.
“We’ll do it. Roy has to die,” Kasey finally said softly, suffused with a new strength. Her heart was beating so fast she felt like she could hear it drumming behind the song on repeat. She searched her soul for every shadowed moment, every fear, every drop of hate she felt for Roy and stirred it up with the twisted light of love that poured between the cracks. The love she had for her mom and the dad she never got the chance to know. The love she had for her sisters, who would always have her back, no matter what. Kasey imagined Roy dead like she had so many times before, but this time…
This time it would be for real.
Goodbye Roy.
2019
19
Caroline
“Caro, we love you. Cut the bullshit. We know and we’re not going to sit here and let this happen to you. You know we won’t, so just stop it!” Rosemarie said. It was the harshest Rosemarie had ever spoken to her, but of course Rosemarie had gone right for the throat of it. Caro took a long drink of her cold white wine.
“You were always there for me when my mom was going through this with Dumbass,” Kasey said. “Earl. We’ll call him Earl. Caro, Trey’s an Earl too. An Earl with more money than God, maybe, but an Earl all the same. Oh, honey—” Kasey stopped and gently touched Caro’s sleeve. She sat unmoving as Kasey folded the cotton up to reveal a pastel splotch of purple wrapping Caro’s forearm. Next, Kasey barely pulled down the neck of her sweater. Rosemarie shook her head and looked away. Kasey was quiet now, holding Caro’s hand. Ada gasped and apologized profusely.
“Ada, stop. You didn’t do anything,” Caro said. Her voice sounded far away, like a whisper in a cave. She wasn’t crying; she was stone. She was somewhere up by the ceiling fans of the restaurant, looking down on RACK. She didn’t know how she got up there, but she wanted to stay.
“That’s the point! I should’ve done something! I should’ve noticed the turtlenecks and your long sleeves and how unhappy you are when you’re with him. I should’ve noticed that whenever he comes around, you’re sad that you have to leave with him. My head’s been all over the place with work and the kids and my mom—” Ada stopped.
“Why? Is she okay?” Caro asked, still somewhere up by the ceiling. She loved Holly Plum; Holly had her faults like anyone, but she’d been like a mom to Caroline while she was growing up and even now. She’d spent countless hours working in the bakery with Holly and had learned so much from her. Caro hated thinking of anything happening to her. That thought started to sink her back down to the table. She picked her wineglass up again and drank.
“She’ll be…fine. I guess. She just needs to get some better doctors for her pain. It’s a long story and I’ll fill you in later. Right now, we have to remain focused on getting you out of this. First, you need to come stay with me,” Ada said.