As she swishes it around, making sure it falls properly, I can’t help but think of Ian. Again. On the Caelestis, he said I looked ridiculous. What I wouldn’t give for him to tell me I look ridiculous again, just one more time.
“Well, that’s as good”—or as bad—“as it gets,” I say when she finally stops fussing.
“You look beautiful.”
“I look hideous, but who cares. Let’s get this over with.”
Lara looks like she wants to say something, but in the end she just shakes her head and holds the door open for me.
Let the shit show begin.
Chapter 76
Ian
“Are we there yet?” I ask Beckett for what I’m guessing is the thousandth time, judging by the way she rolls her eyes. And doesn’t answer me.
“Chill out,” Max tells me. But he’s not the one about to jump out of his skin.
“You don’t think I’m just as worried?” he asks archly. “You got us into this mess. The least you can do is acknowledge that you aren’t the only one who cares about her.”
I stop pacing long enough to glare at him, because he’s right. Except for the part about me caring about her. Because I don’t. Not anymore.
He laughs. “Yeah. Keep on telling yourself that.”
“I plan to.” Then I turn back to Beckett. “Can this thing go any faster?”
She growls deep in her throat—a warning if I’ve ever heard one. And maybe if I wasn’t so far gone, I would care. As it is, I’m more than ready to growl back—
“Bugging the fuck out of Beckett isn’t going to get us to Askkandia any faster.”
No, but it makes me feel like I’m doing something. If I have to just sit here wondering what’s happening to Kali for one more minute, I’ll go out of my fucking mind.
I’ve had a bad feeling for days now, something inside telling me that everything’s not okay with her. I know we’re only three days or so behind her—besides one short, extremely necessary supply run, Beckett’s been pushing the Starlight as fast as she can possibly go, which is probably why she growled at me just now—but a lot can happen to someone in a couple of days.
Where I come from, a lot can happen to them in an instant. One second, you’re alive, and the next, you’re dead. Just like that.
Please don’t let Kali be dead.
“Not that you give a shit, right?” Max is laughing in my head now.
I snarl at him. “Just because I don’t want her to be dead doesn’t mean I’m in love with her.”
“No, but the fact that you think about her pretty much every second of the day is a clue that you might be.” He holds up his hands. “No judgment here. I’m thinking about her, too. We all are.”
“I just don’t want her to be dead. Without her, there’s nothing to keep the Empress in check.”
Max rolls his eyes again, and I know that he doesn’t believe what I’m selling. But I don’t care. I don’t need him to believe me. I just need Kali to be okay so that I can yell at her for sneaking out on me in the middle of the night. And then ignore her forever, because no way am I giving her another chance to—
I break off, but not before Max shoots me a superior look. “Another chance to do what? Break your heart?”
“Fuck you.”
“I think you should wait for Kali on that front,” he shoots back.
“Kali’s fine, Ian.” Rain’s voice comes from behind me, where she’s curled up in her chair, a blanket wrapped around her, but clearly reading the expressions on my and Max’s faces. “We’ll be there soon.”
She looks exhausted, the dark circles under her normally bright eyes testament to the fact that she hasn’t been sleeping. Then again, how do you sleep when you find out your whole life has been a lie? My early life wasn’t fun—no father, dead mother, child camp, terrifying escape, life of crime to survive. Not to mention the whole tripartition thing to deal with. But I don’t think I would trade it, knowing what things look like for the other side.
Sure, Rain and Kali always had enough to eat. They lived in safe places and had beds to sleep in every night. But the betrayals they’ve both faced…at least I’ve always seen the knife headed for my solar plexus. Those two keep getting stabbed in the back.
I settle into the captain’s chair—not because I want to sit, but because I figure if I’m so untethered that I’m even bugging the shit out of Rain, then I’ve got about two minutes before Beckett tries to shove me out the airlock. And while I might be stronger than her, I don’t like my odds against her.
To keep myself busy, I press the keys that light up the HUD on my captain’s chair. Just one of the really useful gadgets Gage has been working on the last few days. It can give me a readout from all the available data on the ship, and it lets me access any of the systems from right here.
Or at least all the ones we know about. Gage thinks there are a bunch more that we don’t know about yet. But he’s getting an understanding of how the Starlight works and uncovering all sorts of things I’ve never encountered on a ship before. I thought it was because I’d only ever flown on crap ships, but Gage says no. Some of this stuff, he’s never even heard of.
Suffice it to say, he’s having a blast.
The HUD shows Askkandia another several hours away. Which isn’t bad, I try to tell myself. A few more hours, and I’ll know for sure that Kali’s okay. And I’ll be able to get her out of that nightmare of a palace, once and for all.
Which reminds me… “We’re heading straight for the palace, right?”
“No,” Beckett snarls. “I’m taking us to a little restaurant I know in the city. I thought we could have dinner first.”
I know she’s messing with me. But I still glare at her.
She flips me off in response.
A gentle hand rests on my shoulder, and I whirl around to see Rain. She’s still got her blanket draped around her shoulders, and up close, she somehow looks even worse. “I know she’s fine,” Rain says again. “She’s probably wrapped in some jewel-encrusted cloak, eating fancy cakes or something. She’s probably already forgotten us.”
Nobody bothers to argue, though I’m sure we all see that for the lie it is.
“Have we decided what we’re going to do when we get there?” Merrick asks from his spot at the back of the bridge.
Rain stiffens at his voice, but she doesn’t say anything. She also doesn’t so much as turn around to look at him—something that bothers him, judging by the way his jaw clenches.
“Yeah, what’s the plan, Captain?” Beckett asks. It’s payback for the fact that I’ve been bugging the shit out of her—she knows better than anyone that I don’t have a plan.
“Thank you for asking, Beckett. I would love to make a plan with the huge wealth of information I have,” I reply. “Can you have the Starlight pull up the schematics of the palace, please?”
Yeah, as if the Imperial Palace would just have schematics available to passing vessels. The Starlight might have some cool tricks, but the Empire doesn’t leave classified information lying around. I’m just being a dick to stall.