“I thought you might want to wash your face and hands,” she tells me, holding out the cloth. “Or I can do it for you—”
“I think I’ve got it,” I answer. I take the cloth and wipe my face and neck, then my hands and wrists. It’s such a simple thing, but I can’t believe how much better it makes me feel.
“Thank you,” I say again, after she’s disposed of the cloth and is sitting down.
She smiles sweetly—typical Rain. “You don’t have to keep thanking me. You know we’re in this together.”
“A princess and a high priestess careening through space on an ancient ship filled with people who don’t believe in law or order?” I ask. And though I’m slurring my words so badly that even I can barely understand what I’m saying, Rain laughs.
“It’s wild, isn’t it? I’ve never done anything in my whole life, and now—”
“Now you’ve got a girlfriend.”
“I do.” Her smile fades. “And a friend who’s been shot. Two friends, really.”
“Is that what we all are?” Normally I’d never ask such a blunt question, but the painkillers are firmly in control of my tongue now. “Friends?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never had a real friend before. But I think that’s what this is. Isn’t it?”
Sadness settles over me as her question makes me think of Lara. “I’ve only ever had one friend before. She died on the Caelestis.”
“I’m sorry.” Rain squeezes my hand.
“Me too. But I like the idea of being friends, Rain. I like you, even if you do have shit taste in women.”
“I like you, too, Kali. And Beckett’s actually pretty great when you get to know her.”
“I’m going to have to take your word on that.” My eyelids keep getting heavier, until it becomes a real struggle to keep them open. “You don’t have to stay. I’ll be okay by myself.”
“Of course you will. I mean, you did just fight off a pack of professional mercenaries.”
I grin at the description even as I give up the fight to keep my eyes open. “Pretty sure that was Ian and the Starlight. But I helped a little. I actually kicked a guy in the groin.”
“That…is so badass,” she tells me, then squeezes my hand again. “Go to sleep, Kali. You’ll feel better after some rest.”
I struggle to say something else—something important that’s floating around the edges of my mind—but sleep is coming fast. So I settle for squeezing Rain’s hand back and give myself up to the darkness washing over me.
Chapter 48
Ian
“Next time you decide to take on a pack of pro mercs, you might give me a little more warning,” Max says as we enter the galley.
“I’d say there won’t be a next time, but I think we both know that’s a load of drokaray shit.”
“True fucking statement,” he agrees, pouring us two glasses of gerjgin. He slides one to me, then downs his in a couple of swallows.
I drink my own the same way. It’s been an absolute shit day from start to finish.
I hadn’t really expected to find Milla on Glacea, but hope springs fucking eternal. Of course, I’d also hoped to get off-planet without getting Kali shot, so…
“You’re not dead,” Max tells me, like he thinks it will sink in more if he says it directly in my head. “And neither are Kali or Gage. That’s got to count for something.”
“Maybe.” I nod at him. “At least we know where she is.”
“Yeah, and it’s not going to be easy to get her out. All the shit out there is heavily guarded.”
“We’ll find a way. We always do.”
I don’t know about that. Maybe I’m feeling particularly pessimistic because I did just offer to kill Kali to keep her from falling into the hands of who the fuck knows. Nothing like the threat of having to carry out a mercy killing on the woman you spend entirely too much time thinking about to put you in a foul fucking mood.
“You spend too much time thinking about her, huh?” Max asks slyly.
I don’t bother to answer, considering he knows—firsthand—just how much space Kali’s taking up in my brain these days. Not that I have any intention of talking about that.
“You eat yet?”
“Yeah, absolutely.” Max rolls his eyes. “I kicked back with some noodles and had a grand old time watching you and Kali fight for your lives.”
“Keep it up, and you can make your own food.” I rummage through the cabinet and find the least objectionable of the dehydrated food—so, not fishgalen—and place it in the processor.
When it’s ready, I hand it to Max, then quickly make two more packets for Kali and me and throw them on a sheet pan that can double as a tray. I add some silverware, another drink for me, and the last of the planzina juice for Kali. She needs the calories after all that blood loss.
“You okay to keep watch on the bridge tonight?” I ask. “I’d planned on relieving Beckett, but…”
“I’ve got you covered,” he answers.
I pick up the tray with a nod, then make a quick detour to my room to get changed—and grab a clean shirt from Max’s stash—before heading back to the sick bay.
As I walk, I realize just how fucked I am—and wonder why Max was so tolerant. If I’d been in his shoes, I would have threatened to kick my ass for the stunt I pulled today.
I could have left. And Max could totally make the argument that I should have left. He won’t, because he’s not that kind of guy. But he should be. We’re doing all this to get to Milla and she never would have survived it if I was killed. I already know—we all know—that we can’t live without one another. No drama; that’s just how it is.
I’ve always put them first—always made sure to save my own skin because it means I’m saving theirs, too—and today I walked away from a lifetime of that. Because of Kali. Not to save her life but just because I couldn’t stand the idea of her dying alone.
Which would have been fine, if I only had me to think about. But I made the choice for Max and Milla, too, and that can’t happen again.
Kali’s eyes are closed as I step into the sick bay, and I consider just leaving and letting her sleep. But what if she doesn’t feel good in the middle of the night? What if she needs more painkillers or has to go to the bathroom and can’t manage without help?
And yes, I’m aware that I sound like a complete candy-ass now.
“Not a complete one,” Max teases. “But definitely half. At least.”
I mentally flip him off as I drop the tray on the counter and grab my food off of it. I sit down in the chair that someone pulled close to the bed—Rain, I guess—and eat quickly as I watch Kali sleep.
She looks like she’s been through a war. Her face is pale, and she’s got dark circles under her eyes. Her full, purple-red lips are chapped from the cold, and her skin is drawn tight over her cheeks. Her red hair is a mess around her face, and her jumpsuit looks like it’s hanging on by a thread. And still I can’t take my eyes off of her.