Lev sees a nearby squirrel and crawls over to try feeding it grapes. I keep an eye on him as he goes, though without looking away, I say to Alyssa, “You’re amazing with him.”
In the corner of my eye, she blushes hard and does an alarmed double-take. “You think?”
The fact that she even asks floors me. “I’ve never seen anyone calm him down so fast. It’s like witchcraft. I haven’t decided yet whether to thank you or burn you at the stake.”
She laughs, then bites her lip and shakes her head. “I’m not trying to convince him to calm down. I just want him to know that I’m there for him even—no, especially when he feels like he’s losing control of himself.”
I swallow hard and try to look away from her.
But fuck me, I can’t.
That’s the entire problem.
She sighs. “He reminds me of myself sometimes.”
“Pardon?”
She nods. “What I saw in the kitchen this morning… That’s pretty much how I reacted the day we were handed down Ziva’s diagnosis. I curled up in a ball in the corner of my room and rocked back and forth for… I don’t even know how long. It was a long time, though.” She sighs. “Everyone may look at Lev and judge him, but the truth is, at the end of the day, he is all of us. Just… stripped down. Laid bare. The rawest, realest part of ourselves.”
I shudder. I have never seen it like that. I’ve never seen Lev like that.
My eyes veer towards him and I try the explanation on for size. Fucking hell. It fits. Or at least, it doesn’t feel completely ridiculous. Maybe that’s why people have such a hard time dealing with him. Why he faces so much ridicule when he leaves the safety of my walls.
No one wants to be confronted with their deepest, darkest fears.
“He’s amazing, Uri,” she says softly. “You’re so lucky to have him.”
I can hear the sadness in her voice. It’s reflected in the watery haze passing over her eyes right now.
And something strikes me: maybe the reason Lev hasn’t come across any decent human beings out in the wild is because he hasn’t come across anyone as kind as Alyssa is.
And the moment that thought forms, I feel like a total fucking asshole.
Because the fact is, dinner last night wasn’t just dinner. The clothes I’ve bought for her aren’t just gifts. The outing this evening isn’t just an outing. All of them serve their own purpose. All of them were orchestrated, manipulated so that I can prove—to my own men, but also and maybe even especially my enemies—that nothing is wrong. Everything is in order. The status quo hasn’t changed and I’m still in control.
With everyone, it seems, except her.
I’ve never felt guilty about using any other woman to suit my needs. So why is it so fucking difficult with her?
Alyssa’s chewing on her bottom lip as she observes Levi. “How long do you think he’s going to sit there and wait for the squirrel to come down?”
“The record to date is two hours, eleven minutes.”
“I’m not surprised.” She smiles slowly. “I wonder what he’s thinking right now.”
All that does is make me wonder what she’s thinking right now. Her hair cascades down one shoulder, fluttering gently in the light breeze. Those clothes suit her. She looks like she belongs on a runway.
I suppose that was my intention. If she and I were to be seen together—and that was certainly the point—she needed to look the part. She needed to look like the kind of woman I would be seen with: beautiful, sexy, stylish, damn near royal.
Honestly, I expected her to fight me a little more about it. Instead, she gave in easily. Surrendered herself to my control without ever questioning it.
And it’s making me so fucking hard.
If I had my way, I’d push her down on this picnic blanket right now and tease her until she was begging me to fuck her. The public passing by us can get an eyeful or mind their own fucking business. But a certain squirrel-watching brother of mine would probably object.
“What?” Alyssa asks when she catches me staring at her.
“You’re beautiful.”
Her blush only gets deeper. She pulls her hair out from behind her ear so that it creates a curtain that hides half her face from view. She clears her throat. “Maybe Lev could skip physical therapy just this once and come with us?”
I raise my eyebrows. “Are you scared to be alone with me, Alyssa?”
She swallows. “Should I be?”
“Definitely.”