A strangled sound left Cameron.
I shoved away how horrible that made me feel, how much I hated being the one responsible for such a loud sign of distress, but I couldn’t articulate a thought when he touched me. All I felt was him.
“You knew what David was doing,” I told him, trying to understand. “You know how I feel about the club, too.” I shook my head. “And you were letting me stay here in this… fantasy world. Playing games.” I ignored the hurt in my chest at hearing my own words. “God knows what David must have done to make my father consider a transfer. This is all my fault.”
Cameron stepped in my direction. His mouth opened.
I held up a hand. “Don’t make excuses for me or what I’ve done. Not now, please.” I brought my hands to my temples. Closed my eyes for an instant. God. What was I doing? “I should be packing, not playing house with you.”
His jaw clenched so tight, I could barely see his lips. “This was never a game.” He took one step forward. And I moved back, the bottom of my spine hitting the counter behind. “I was not goddamn playing, Adalyn. And you told me yourself you understood that. Last night.”
“But you kept me in the dark,” I told him, in a low, quiet voice I didn’t like. Cameron’s mouth parted but no words came out. “Just like them. Even if it was only for a day.” I shook my head. “You know? All I’ve ever wanted was to be… seen. To leave a mark. To earn his approval and prove to everyone that I could be just like my father.” My own words echoed in my ears, as if I was hearing them out loud from my own mouth for the first time. “And now, it’s possible that I’m too late and I can’t do anything to fix any of this.” My voice broke, and I had to clear my throat before continuing. “I really wish you were right. I really wish this whole thing wasn’t a game, but life is one. And no matter how much I try, I seem to always, always lose.” I closed my eyes, my head too fuzzy. My thoughts meshing and mixing about. “My being here was always meant to be temporary, anyway.”
“Don’t,” Cameron said.
My throat felt tight, a spot between my chest and stomach turning too tender, too weak. “I need to go. I should have been on a flight by now. I need to fix this before it’s too late.”
Cameron stepped in my direction, so carefully, so slowly, that I wasn’t even sure he’d moved. “Adalyn—”
“No.” My head gave one brisk shake. I didn’t want to hear him excusing me. Or taking my side. I didn’t want to hear him saying that this wasn’t a game again. “You should have told me the moment you heard. Even if it was just rumors.”
“Maybe I should have.” His whole face tightened up, as if he wanted to shut down but couldn’t. Every emotion started bubbling up to the surface. His nostrils flared. “But that’s not what I did, so no.”
I blinked, taken aback by the blunt admission.
“No,” he repeated, firmly. “I did what I did, and as much as I hate that you found out like this, I don’t regret taking the decision not to tell you until I was sure of that really happening. You know why? Because I goddamn refuse to let them take something else away from you.”
That tender spot in my chest spread, growing larger, making me so vulnerable I was now terrified of his next words.
His barely controlled demeanor broke. “I meant it when I said that I see you.” He dropped his arm. “I fucking see you, and I see what your father has done to you. And what David has done, too.” The green in his eyes swirled with frustration, his mouth pursed, so close to a snarl. “For all I know, this could be that fucking crook spreading word to purposely hurt you. I needed to be sure that wasn’t the case.”
My eyes widened at the possibility of David being behind this. Behind the information that had been in Matthew’s email.
Cameron continued, voice softening, “I am a selfish man, Adalyn. And I wanted you to have this. I didn’t want him—them—to ruin today for you. This one thing you worked so fucking hard for. I couldn’t care less about the little league, but I was bloody winning this for you. I wanted you to go to the game and be fucking ecstatic. Not a worry in your mind. Smile and laugh the way you so rarely do. Have a good time with me and the girls and collect the joy you deserve. The goddamn love you don’t need to earn. That’s what my selfishness makes me do.”
The tips of my fingers started to feel funny. Numb. And tingly. All at once. “Don’t tell me to smile more. Or worry less.” I clasped my hands together, scared they’d start shaking. And the odd sensation spread out and up my arms. “I am who I am.”