“I know, love.” His voice wavered. “I don’t want to change you. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, as much as sometimes you drive me absolutely insane.” He shook his head, as if lost for an instant. “You are who you are. And I love that. Let those goddamn smiles be rare as long as they’re mine.”
You are who you are.
And I love that.
Let those goddamn smiles be rare as long as they’re mine.
Mine.
My heart dropped to my feet, and God, that stupid hole that had opened in the middle of me pulsed, pounded with need, demanding to be filled.
The words barely made it out of me when I spoke, “That’s beside the point.”
I regretted my words. Almost immediately. It wasn’t beside the point. What he’d said… it had been everything. Every single thing.
Cameron’s gaze didn’t falter. “That’s all right.” He took a step forward. “I’ll be your punching bag.” Another step. “I’ll be whatever you need me to be. I’ll jump on a flight and hold your hand. I’ll help you break something with your bare hands. Fuck, I’ll just stand there and watch.” He reached me, and my whole body reacted to him. To his closeness. To his words. “Anything you need. You want to go now. We’ll go.”
You are who you are.
And I love that.
“I don’t need you to protect me,” I told him, and I wished I believed my own words. I wished I wasn’t feeling like all I wanted was to jump into his arms. But that only made me the same woman who’d lost control of her life that day. The same woman who couldn’t keep a hold of her emotions. “This. This is why you didn’t tell me. You don’t trust that I can handle things. On my own. And I might deserve that after what happened with Sparkles and every time you’ve seen me lose control, but I’ve been handling things on my own my whole life, Cameron. And I’ve been fine.”
“Don’t you think I know?” He huffed, and that’s when I knew he was breaking. Cameron was breaking down. “I know you don’t need me, or anyone else. I know you’re more than okay on your own. Jesus, Adalyn, that’s what pushes me to want to guard you like a goddamn dog.”
His hand cupped my face then, and God. It felt so right. His touch so comforting, so warm in that way that made me feel so alive. I closed my eyes.
His voice softened. “You’re so strong, so fiercely independent, that I want to keep you happy and safe before you have to.” He caressed my jaw. And only then I realized my teeth were clattering with restraint. “I trust you. Not even once have I doubted you’re capable of withstanding a single thing that life throws at you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to stop anything from ever hurting you again.”
My heart pounded recklessly in my chest, reverberating in my temples and head. I closed my eyes, making the effort to pull oxygen into my lungs. In through my mouth. Out through my nose.
That’s what pushes me to want to guard you like a goddamn dog.
In through my mouth. Out through my nose.
I trust you.
But did I trust myself?
I opened my eyes. “You should take the job with the RBC. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.”
Another of those strangled sounds left him. And my heart thrummed in my temples now. Take back the words, a voice in my head begged. Take them back. Ask him to go to Miami with you today. Don’t do this alone when you don’t have to.
“No,” Cameron said. Stated. Firmly. Not even a trace of doubt in his voice. Stubborn, hardheaded man. His perseverance only made me want to scream. Cry. Be in his arms. “It was never up for consideration, but now it’s not even an option that would ever cross my mind. I’m not leaving.”
My heart pounded so hard, so loud, that when I said, “Why?” I didn’t think I heard the word. “Why wouldn’t you take it? England is your home.”
Cameron’s jaw tightened. His hand dropped. “Don’t.” He shook his head. “Don’t make me say the words out loud. Not now. Not right before you try to push me away.”
The words.
What words?
The ones that were trying to barge right out of me?
I guessed it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter whatever he thought was being left unsaid. Because as much as I understood why he’d kept this from me, we no longer belonged to the world where nine-year-olds played soccer, where we attended fall fests and shared a cabin.
It was time for me to go back to where I did belong.