Her expression tightened. She didn’t like that.
“I used to have this recurring nightmare,” she said. “I’d dream I saw a plane crash, but I was the only one around. I’d run to the crash site, and even though the plane was on fire I could open the cockpit door. Dreams, I guess. And I’d see my dad in the seat. The weird thing was he looked normal. Uninjured and unharmed, like he was just asleep. But even in the dream I knew he was gone.”
She reached back to grip the counter. “I hadn’t had the dream in years, but after the scare with the firefighter when I thought it was you, it started up again. And then, last night…” She winced, as if the memory brought physical pain. “When I opened the door, it wasn’t my dad. It was you.”
His chest tightened at the distress on her face and in her voice. It made so much sense now…the look she’d given him last night when he woke her up. The way she’d kissed him with raw desperation and something like relief.
“I wish I could take it all away from you.” A futile thing to say, but it was the truth.
He’d do just about anything.
Her eyes locked with his. “I wish you could, too.”
He said the next words gently. “You said you went to therapy back then. Did it help? Do you think maybe you should do that again?”
Her shoulders slumped. “I don’t know. Maybe.” She gripped her wrist with the opposite hand. “I haven’t felt like I’ve needed anything like that for a long time. I was doing fine…until you.”
It took a few seconds for her words to sink in. I was doing fine…until you.
His muscles froze as his brain tripped over what she’d said.
Maybe he should be offended by the comment, but she hadn’t said it with malice. She was hurting.
He tried to take a breath, but it felt like he was twenty thousand feet in the air.
The first woman he’d loved in decades, and ultimately he’d only caused them both pain.
“I don’t know what to say.” The deep ache spreading from the center of his chest was a stark reminder of why he’d avoided this for so long. “I’m sorry I ever suggested we do this.”
Claire straightened, shaking her head. “Don’t say that. No matter what, I’ll never regret getting to know you. I’ll never regret being with you. Not any of it. I just think it’s best we put an end to things before they go any further.”
He forced a swallow, choking on the memories of rejection and embarrassment. He couldn’t sit here any longer, watching her watch him so carefully, waiting to see what he’d do. Feeling sorry for him.
Being unable to walk out the door and drive away on his own was a particularly low blow. He slid his phone out of his pocket and pulled up the Uber app.
He couldn’t look at her as he stood. “Okay. Gertrude, come here, girl.”
Claire let out a shaky breath. “Graham…”
The front door swung open.
“I’m back!” Reagan sang, dancing in with her suitcases. “First, notice this killer tan. Then tell me how much you missed me.”
When neither Graham nor Claire responded, she paused and looked around, taking in the tense atmosphere. He picked up his dog and cradled her in his hand against his chest, tucking his crutches under his other arm.
“Um.” She cleared her throat. “Should I come back?”
“No,” Graham said.
He went for the door, casting one final glance at Claire as he went.
“I was just leaving.”
25
She never said she was sorry.
Five days had passed and even though Claire replayed her conversation with Graham in her head a million times, she just realized she never told him that.
She was so, so sorry. She’d been out of her damn mind to think she and Graham, two friends with such volatile chemistry, could have a casual sexual relationship. It was like tossing a lit match onto a pile of dry pine needles and expecting it not to catch fire.
She couldn’t quite find it in her to be sorry she’d kissed him, though. Or touched him, or slept with him. She could still feel his lips against hers, his rough hands tracing her skin. As long as she lived, she’d never forget the way he looked at her that last time they’d made love. Right then, she’d known. Known she’d lost control and things had gone too far for both of them. But seconds before she’d been in a dream where he’d died, and she couldn’t seem to muster the self-control to stay away from him.
As she curled up in bed, she wondered what he was doing right this minute. According to Mia he’d been crashing on Chris’s couch in the apartment above the outdoor store. At first, she’d thought it would just be for a day or two, but yesterday while she was at work Graham and Chris had come over to take most of his belongings from the condo.