A part of him desperately wanted to. Why was she throwing a party? Was this how quickly she’d moved on? Did she know he was going to be there? Was this Kiki’s twisted way of trying to get them back together? He’d told her everything—he hadn’t been able to help himself, he needed to get it all out and she’d been there—but he had no idea what Lauren might have said. Did Kiki think that there was any chance they could get back together?
Who was he kidding. Of course he didn’t want to leave. Because up those stairs and on the other side of the door—there was Lauren.
“No,” he said. “Let’s go.”
He could hear music coming from behind her door, and Kiki didn’t even bother to knock before walking right in. There was a surprising number of people packed into Lauren’s tiny living room, and Asa recognized most of them from Cold World. He intercepted a weird bro fist bump from Marcus, Saulo’s arm shot up from across the room in greeting, and Sonia smiled tipsily at him while handing him a beer. The one person he didn’t see was the person he most wanted to.
The music was “Party in the USA,” and it was a little too loud. His head was pounding, and he cracked open the beer and took a sip, hoping that maybe it would take the edge off, do something. It was his favorite brand, which made him wonder if Lauren had some extras in the fridge she was trying to get rid of. But no, he’d never brought over a six-pack and left it there—it had to be a coincidence. His brain was concocting the most ridiculous scenarios now.
And then he saw her, and he almost dropped his beer. She was wearing the same red off-the-shoulder dress she’d worn that night in Cold World, her hair loose around her shoulders. She was so beautiful he literally couldn’t take his gaze off her, which was why when she finally looked over, their sudden eye contact was a jolt to them both. He held up his beer in a mini salute, then wished he hadn’t. Who wanted their ex-boyfriend showing up at their New Year’s Eve party, staring moonily at them across the room? This was a mistake.
But she was making her way toward him, weaving her way through the crowd. “You came!” she said when she got closer. She was smiling at him, which was very confusing.
“Was I supposed to?”
“Yes!” she said. “I threw this party for you!”
The music was way too loud. It had switched to another song, this one by the Beastie Boys. What decade was this playlist from? He leaned in, not sure he’d heard her correctly.
“I’m sorry?”
She rested her hand on his forearm, stood on tiptoes to make herself heard better. Her breasts brushed against his bicep, and her breath was warm in his ear when she repeated herself. “It’s for you,” she said. “The party.”
The good news was that his head was no longer pounding. It felt like all the blood had rushed from his head to lower parts of his body, and he felt a little dizzy. “Like a surprise party?” He looked around, but no one had jumped out from behind couches to yell anything when he walked in. They didn’t even seem to register his presence, except Kiki, who was watching them but whipped her head around fast when she caught Asa looking at her.
“Well, it’s kind of for me,” she said. “But for you. Can we talk?”
“Sure.” What else could he say? She threaded her fingers through his, leading him through the party, and it occurred to him that if she didn’t want people to think there was anything going on between them—not that there was anymore, but whatever—bringing him to her bedroom and shutting the door behind them probably wasn’t the best way to accomplish that. But if the thought didn’t occur to her, he wasn’t going to put it in her head.
She leaned against the closed door now and looked at him. Just when he thought he’d go out of his skin if she didn’t say something, she said a single word.
“Hi.”
“Uh,” he said. “Hi.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I’d prepared a whole speech.”
On the wall over her bed, Asa saw that Lauren had hung up the flower painting he’d made her for Christmas. For the first time, he allowed something like hope to bloom in his chest, but he tried to take a deep breath, settle down. Her speech could be about anything. It could be more about why he was wasting his potential at Cold World or how fun their one week together was. He’d listen to any version of whatever she wanted to say.
“Start with the party,” he said. “What did you mean, it was for me?”