I unlock the door and slowly open the door. “Fuck,” Matthew hisses. “Thank God you’re okay.” He walks in and grabs me around my waist, burying his face in my neck. “I was so worried.” He puts me down, and I stare at him. “Were you here all night long?” he asks.
“Yes,” I reply softly.
“Why the silence?” He asks the question, his voice as soft as mine.
“Because I didn’t feel like talking to you,” I answer him honestly.
He looks into my eyes, searching for something. “Care to tell me why?”
“No.” I shake my head at the same time I say the word.
“What’s going on?” His eyes never leave mine.
I take a deep breath. “I don’t want to do this anymore,” I speak the words I’ve been repeating to myself all night. Ignoring how the pain in my chest is even stronger now that I’m actually saying them to him and not just in my head.
He folds his arms over his chest. “Define this?”
I throw up my hands. “Me, you, the sex.” I swallow the lump that has crawled up from my stomach to my throat. “All of it.” He shakes his head. “You can’t just shake your head,” I snap. “I slept with you to get you out of my system.” Saying the words I hope will hurt him enough that he just lets me be. That he just goes, and we can be done with whatever this is.
“How is that working out for you?” His question confuses me. “How is getting me out of your system working for you?” He puts his hands on his hips. “Because I’ll tell you right now.” The sting of tears threatens to come, so I blink them away. “I thought I loved you before.” He shakes his head. “Like I knew I loved you when I was an immature idiot.” He takes a step closer to me, closing the distance between us. “But now.” His face goes from a smirk to a full-blown smile. “Now that I’ve been with and without you, I can safely say I love you more.” I want to tell him to stop talking, but nothing comes out of me. “It just cemented everything.”
“Ugh, oh my God, Matthew.” I finally get the courage to say something, and I’m thankful it’s not coming out with me sobbing. “You can’t just say things like that.”
“Why not?” The age-old question.
“Because I said so.” I look at him, and all he does is laugh at me.
“Can we go to bed yet?” he asks softly. “I’ve been driving around town the last four hours. I’m exhausted.” Why does that make my heart skip a beat? Why does everything he says make my heart flutter? Why? Oh, I know why, because I love it.
“I’m going to bed in my bed and you are going to your bed.” I point at him.
He just looks at me. “Then go pack a bag.” He points at the stairs and in the direction of my bedroom.
“I don’t want to pack a bag.” I almost stomp my foot, and he just shrugs.
“Okay, fine.” He turns and I somehow think he’s leaving, which makes me internally freak out even more. Instead of leaving, he shuts the door and then turns to walk to the stairs.
“I’m not leaving.”
“Why?” I don’t even know why I’m asking him this but I can’t help myself.
He comes back and stands in front of me, his hand coming out to cup my cheek. His thumb rubs my cheekbone back and forth. My breaths are coming in short pants as I wait for him to speak. The words finally come out in a soft breath. “Because you’re here.”
matthew
I stand in front of her, my hand coming up to cup her cheek, because I need to touch her after driving around for the last four hours looking for her. Searching in every single parking lot I passed by to look for her car, afraid she finally ran away from me. Afraid she would never let me see her again. I can’t even put into words how desperate I was. Having her face in my hand, I can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. She has tried to push me away every single day since I forced myself back into her life. But she needs to finally hear it, needs to feel it, needs to know it. “Because you’re here.” My voice is as strong as it can be without it cracking.
I see her eyes blink a million times a minute, so I know she’s fighting it back. Know she doesn’t want to give in. “Sofia.” Her name is on my lips all the time now. “We can go as slow as you want.” I don’t let my eyes roam from hers. “But at the end of the day, Sofia.” I swallow the lump and fear down. Fear that she won’t give in to what she wants. Fear she won’t forgive me for throwing her away. Fear I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life without her, no matter how much I push her. “All I want is to be by your side.”