Stars in Your Eyes(44)

She hugs Matt next. “It’s so good to meet you!” she says loudly over the music. “I’m such a fan!”

Matt grins sheepishly. “Thanks.”

Willow turns, introducing us to her boyfriend, a model named Ryan. He’s hot, of course, in that white-man-with-chiseled-jaw way. He does the head nod with a smirk and eyes me in a way I recognize. A quiet invitation to follow him into a bathroom stall later, maybe. I forgot how obsessed everyone is with sex. But who am I to judge, right?

I sit down beside Matt, while he sits beside Willow. “Do you want anything to drink?” she asks him.

“Mattie’s sober,” I say, bored. I lean against him, arm behind his back. I realize as I’m doing it how protective it looks. Maybe that’s okay.

Willow makes an annoying that’s weird expression. “Oh!”

Matt meets my eye. I try not to laugh at how painfully uncomfortable he looks. “What’ve you been up to, Willow?”

“Oh, you know, auditions everywhere, but nothing’s been good enough for me just yet.”

She probably hasn’t been offered any roles. Ryan leans forward. “You two look hot together.”

Matt stiffens beside me. I don’t think he’s used to how straightforward this culture can be.

“Yeah,” I tell him. “I know.”

Willow frowns, not happy to be left out of the conversation. “I’m one of the few people who can say what Logan Gray is like in bed.”

Ryan laughs. “Personally, maybe, but half of this country knows what he’s like in bed.”

I don’t like this fucking guy. Matt can probably tell. He speaks up. “Maybe Logan wouldn’t want anyone to know without his permission…”

“Right. Maybe he shouldn’t have leaked his own sex tapes three times.”

I meet Willow’s eye. So she told Ryan it was my idea, huh? Her forced smile is on the edge of threatening. “You should enjoy your time with him, Mattie,” she says.

I’m pretty sure she’s being sarcastic, but if Matt picks up on that, he doesn’t show it. “I already am.”

The music’s too loud to keep shouting over, and Willow and Ryan eventually fall into their own conversation, her leg rubbing against his. We’ve only been here for half an hour, but I’m regretting coming. Matt’s quiet, looking around, and completely out of his element. I nudge him with my shoulder. “Dance?”

“Huh?”

“Do you want to?”

He looks terrified. “Oh—no, that’s…”

“You’re so bottled up. Fuck.”

Mattie clenches his jaw. “Yeah. I know.”

“Let loose. We’re here anyway, right?”

“I—I think I’m afraid I don’t know how to. Let go, I mean.”

“The only way to know how is to actually do it.”

I sit there, waiting for him to make his decision, until finally he gives me a determined nod that makes me want to laugh. I take his hand for good measure as Willow and Ryan watch us get up from our seats. I guide him through the crowds of people grinding and tossing hair to the electro-pop beat. Matt looks scared. He’s so afraid of what people think.

“What do you believe is going to happen if people start to judge you?” I ask him. “You think you’re going to be killed or something?”

“It feels that way sometimes,” he admits.

I laugh. “Come on.” I loved dancing when I came out to clubs like this. Not something a lot of people expect out of sullen Logan Gray, but there’s something about letting loose and just thinking fuck it, something about the beat of the music and all these bodies, the sweat and the touching. The energy feels like it’s a piece of clothing away from an orgy. The only problem is, usually I’d be dancing with someone like Briggs, pressing my ass against them, or moving back and forth with their leg in between mine, before they invite me to the back of the club for a good time. I don’t think Matt would appreciate that.

I put a hand on his shoulder and turn him around so his back is to me. I hold him by his waist and take a page from his playbook. “This okay?”

He nods. He looks like he needs my lead for the first time. “Yeah.”

I press myself against him, only a little. He holds on to my arms as he grinds into me to the beat. Yeah. Dancing like this is basically sex. I have to admit, I’ve imagined what it’d be like to fuck him. To be inside of him. Matt starts to get into it. I press a hand against his stomach, pulling him in closer, and he lets his head fall back onto my shoulder. His eyes are closed. I love watching him like this. Love seeing him start to let go.

The song changes. He opens his eyes and pulls away and—fuck. That look he gives me. I almost want to ask, just to see what he’d say. Ask if he wants to go find a stall with me, or outside into the alley.

“Back to our seats?” I ask him.

He nods and takes my hand this time as I lead him. When we get to Willow and Ryan, I realize they’d been watching us. Willow eyes me like she’s having a few memories of the times she came over to my place.

She leans over to me when we sit down. “Ryan and I would totally be up for a foursome, if you and Matt want to join.”

I might’ve, once. A small part of me wants to ask Matt. Maybe he’d want to also. No shame in sex for fun. There’s another part, though. Even bigger and harder to ignore. I can’t fucking stand Willow, and I don’t like her boyfriend much, either. I’d rather spend my time with Mattie, I guess.