Totally and Completely Fine(63)

“Love you,” I said, squeezing her tight.

I half expected her to wiggle out of my grasp wearing an “ugh, Mom” face, but I was pleasantly surprised to feel her hug me back. Quick, but tight.

“Have fun,” I said.

“Yeah, okay,” she said. And then, quietly, “Love you too.”

I bit my lip. I was not going to cry over that rare admission here in the airport. Besides, if I did, Lena would never come back from New York.

Instead, I drove home listening to a playlist that Spencer had made me a few years ago. All of his favorite songs. He’d always had eclectic taste, while I was much more into the Top 40 hits. He’d tease me nonstop about my love of the Goo Goo Dolls and Michelle Branch, while I’d make fun of him for being into a band called Toad the Wet Sprocket.

A Pearl Jam song came on. Eddie Vedder singing about someone with a motorbike and unkempt clothes.

I thought about Ben.

I stopped by the Finnish Line on my way to the store and was greeted enthusiastically by the owner.

“A free treat for you,” Johanna said, waving her hands at me. “Anything you want.”

I knew I was a frequent customer, but her reaction still seemed over the top. But was I going to say no to a baked item? Not a chance.

“What about that one?” I pointed at the lower shelf in the glass case. “Laskiaispulla?”

I was surely butchering the pronunciation, but Johanna just beamed at me as she put the pastry—which looked like the Finnish cousin of the cream puff—into a to-go bag.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Thank you!” she said. “You’ve brought us one of our newest, hungriest customers.”

I’d been looking into the bag at the delicious treat and glanced up at her with confusion.

“I have?”

“Oh yes,” she said. “That nice young man who works with your brother. Benjamin.”

Ben. Of course she was talking about Ben.

“He says it’s his goal to try everything on the menu while he’s here,” Johanna said. “He’s got a very big appetite. He’ll probably end up trying everything three times!”

I could practically see hearts bursting in her eyes.

“And he loves our coffee,” she said. “Says it’s the best he’s ever had.”

“He’s traveled a lot,” I said. “He would know.”

“That’s what he said!”

“I’m glad he came in.”

“I’ve told him he needs to go to Finland next—everything always tastes better after a sauna there.”

A wistful look came over Johanna’s face. I knew she’d been wanting to go back and visit her family, but ever since Starbucks moved in, her business had been suffering.

“I’m pretty sure everything is better after a sauna,” I said.

She smiled, dimples showing. “This is true,” she said.

“Thank you for the treat,” I said. “Can I get another for my mother? But put this one on my tab.”

Teddy lifted her head as I came into the shop. She was curled up in her favorite leather chair, the one right by the door, where she could get the maximum amount of pets from customers. There were some people who came in just to say hi to her—we’d hear the bell above the door jangle, then a happy “Hi, Teddy!” and then another jingle as they left.

“We should charge,” I’d suggested once and had been met with absolute horror from everyone, as if I’d said we should send Teddy out to panhandle.

Mom was behind the desk, checking things off one of her many lists. I kept telling her that she didn’t need to print everything out, but she insisted that she liked doing things her way, and that if I didn’t like it, I could talk to her boss.

Which was her.

She was the boss.

I dropped the Finnish Line bag on the counter.

“Ooooh.” She reached for it, peering in.

“Laskiaispulla,” I said, probably still saying it wrong.

“Gesundheit,” Mom said.

“Ha.”

“What’s the occasion?” she asked, pulling the treat out of the bag.

Powdered sugar settled across her list as she took a bite.

“No reason,” I said, picking up my own.

I turned it in my hand, wondering what the best way was to eat it without getting sugar or cream everywhere. In the end, I figured it was going to happen anyway, so I just shoved it into my mouth and took a huge bite.

Cream got all over my fingers, sugar all over my mouth.

“And to think, Gabe was the messy eater when you were kids,” Mom said as she handed me a napkin.

“Mmph,” I said.

“Speaking of Gabe,” Mom said, looking back down at her lists, “a friend of his stopped in this morning looking for you.”

I had the laskiaispulla halfway in my mouth when she said it. I unwittingly sucked in a breath, and powdered sugar, which went right into my throat. I coughed out a white puff of air.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Fine,” I croaked.

Powdered sugar was hell on the airway.

“A friend of Gabe’s?” I asked, as if I didn’t know who she was talking about.

“I think he said his name was Ben?” Mom said. “He’s doing a play with Gabe and Ollie. Said he was here in town for a few months. Guess he’s staying at Mrs. Hopkins’s apartments. Seemed like a lovely young man.”