Wish You Were Her(46)

She shifted so that she was about to straddle him, rubbed the waistline of his pants and slid her other hand under his button down. He let the physical sensation carry him away. His imagination joined the two of them on the bed and, as their kiss became deeper, he began to picture a different face in his mind. It belonged to a person he had struggled to stop thinking about since her arrival in town. She had become a fixture in his mind. And, before he could bring sense along with fantasy:

“Allegra.”

Kerrie’s hand froze on his stomach and her lips stopped moving against his. He pulled back, horrified.

“Kerrie. I’m … fuck, I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. That’s—that’s just, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she said, in a tone that categorically confirmed that it was not. “Honestly.”

“I’m sorry. It’s nothing. I just, Allegra and I—we had another argument earlier, she’s in my head. Not like that. I mean, yes, like that, but I’ll get over it. I’ll get over her. I’ll get through it. I will.”

“Who are you convincing, you or me?”

“I didn’t mean to think of her, it just happened. It happens a lot, it’s a problem, but I—”

“I don’t want to hear you talk about how you were thinking about some other girl while kissing me, Jonah.”

“I know, that sounds bad. Sorry. It just came out.”

“Jonah!”

“Kerrie, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Jonah.” She sat back and sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, sick of hearing himself say it but incapable of stopping.

“Everyone’s in love with her. You know that, right? Simon is. He’s going to ask her out once the festival is done. It’s practically official. Plus, she’s dated a rockstar. She’s probably got a bunch of boyfriends in the city.”

Jonah said nothing.

“I get silly around her, for God’s sake,” Kerrie said, spluttering out a disbelieving laugh. “She’s amazing. She’s beautiful, and she’s sweet. She’s stupidly, annoyingly perfect. But … but she’s not one of us. She never will be. And I … I don’t want you to get hurt. She’s like a cold. We’re all going to get it at some point. You’ll be immune once the summer is over and she goes back to dreamland.”

Jonah almost believed her.

“But still,” he eventually said, “it doesn’t excuse what I just did. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“Of course you didn’t,” she said gently, swinging her legs from the bed and sitting up straight. “It’s fine. Um … I’m going to go home, actually. I’ll see you at the festival tomorrow?”

“Okay,” Jonah said, also sitting up. “I’m … I’m sorry, Kerrie. Let me walk you home.”

“No, it’s fine. Honestly. I’m good.”

“Kerrie … can you…? No, never mind.”

“Can I not tell anyone about this?”

“Yeah.”

“You really think that I want people knowing about this, Jonah? Do you know how human beings work? Like, at all?”

He flinched as if she had hit him and waited in the dark as she moved silently out of the room.

He waited for at least ninety seconds before getting up and doing the same.



* * *



Allegra couldn’t move. She didn’t release her breath until Jonah had left the room. There was a beat of silence once he was gone and then Grace sat up.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Allegra whispered, her voice hoarse. “That was a ride.”

“What happened in Pete’s Cafe?” Grace asked with urgency. “What on earth went down between you two? Obviously enough to make him groan out your name when another girl is kissing him.”

Allegra suddenly felt like crying. She smacked her hand to her lips, as they trembled and her jaw grew painfully tight.

“I was really mean to him,” she said. Grace’s sympathetic silence gave her room to breathe out all of her regret. “It wasn’t like me. I was so mad about getting it all completely wrong … But I wasn’t mad that he wasn’t Simon.”

“Mm-hmm,” Grace said softly, a touch of something mischievous entering her voice.

“Should we find Kerrie?”

“I’ll do it,” Grace said. “The sight of you might be a bit raw for her right now.”

While Allegra knew it was true, she couldn’t help but feel dejected, as though she had done something wrong. She would hate for Kerrie to feel as if this was all some sort of cruel joke.

So she said to Grace, “We were never here.”

“Yup,” her friend said, with a tone of complete and utter concurrence.

“Grace?” Allegra sat up and Grace mirrored her.

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t tell Jonah the truth. About me. He still thinks he was stood up.”

Grace didn’t say anything for a moment then sighed. “So, I’m still keeping that secret?”

“Please.”

“You owe me.”

“Sure do.”