He’s enjoying this entirely too much. My cheeks heat under his gaze, so much that I can feel the flush creeping down my neck.
“Like you did. We shouldn't do this, Briggs. It doesn’t matter what we want, not at the end of the day. What matters is Olive.”
He sets his fork down and uses the linen napkin to wipe his mouth before scooting his chair out and putting his napkin onto his mostly-empty plate. Saying nothing, he closes the distance between us.
"Come here,” he says hoarsely, circling his large hand on my wrist. Maybe it’s the raw desire in his eyes, or the commanding tone that’s hoarse and raspy that causes me to let my fork clatter against the plate and my chair to scrape against the cheap tile as I stand slowly, facing him.
Briggs pulls me toward him gently, until I collide with his hard body, then he slides his hands up my jaw delicately, as if I’ll shatter beneath his touch. It disarms me in ways I wasn’t expecting. I can feel my resolve lessening each second his hands are on me.
“What are you doing?” I whisper.
I swallow down the thick lump of emotion that’s unexpectedly formed in my throat.
“I’m showing you. I could stand here all day, until I’m blue in the face, and tell you how I feel. Doesn’t matter, Mads. I have to show you.”
His words cause my stomach to dip and tighten. I know that I should untangle myself from him and take a step back to protect my heart, but my feet seem to be planted in place on their own accord. His touch feels… forbidden, after everything we’ve been through, yet part of me revels in it.
“Tell me a good reason right now that we shouldn’t at least try, Mads, this.” He drags his thumb along the hollow of my cheekbone in a gentle swipe, his eyes locked on mine, our breath mingled as we breathe each other in. “Olive? Is she the reason why? Because if anything, Maddison, our daughter has only strengthened what I feel for you. I want this. I want our family.”
God, his words make my insides melt into a puddle as his words seep into my heart.
“I don’t know if I can, Briggs.”
My voice is a mere whisper, as emotion overtakes me. The overpowering need to not only protect my heart, but to protect his.
Each day that passes, the guilt inside me festers like a sickness, knowing that I am responsible for some of the pain that lives inside of him. I’m the reason the world sees him as a villain, when in truth…he’s just a broken man who’s been hurt by everyone who was supposed to love him.
Those headlines were me.
Those articles were me.
Even though I didn’t know it at the time, I’m the reason he feels like he has to repent for all of the things he’s done while hurting, and it guts me each and every time I think about it.
This, whatever this is between us, is doomed, and it has been since the day I left him at the Brickside with a half-broken heart and more guilt than I had ever known. What I thought would be a weekend fling was so much more, even before I found out about Olive. He’ll see it as me betraying him. How can he forgive me for this if he’s never forgiven his family for betraying him?
Telling him will be what drives him out of my life, and I don’t know how to bear that. Not when I was already falling…
“I will never hurt you, Maddison. I would rather throw myself off the tallest building in Chicago than ever hurt you or Olive. All I’m asking for is a chance. One chance to show you that we could be happy. The happiest fucking family there ever was. I’d do anything to make the two of you happy. Anything, Mads.”
I squeeze my eyes shut as he speaks, until his hand slides down and he tips my chin up toward him. His dark eyes seem to hold a storm tonight.
“One chance, Mads. That’s all I need to show you. Let me in, baby, please.”
“What if we mess it all up? What if I agree and this comes in between your relationship with our daughter? She’s the most important thing in my life, Briggs, I don’t ever want to be the reason she is hurt. I mean… Briggs, even still, there’s so many things we don’t know about each other.”
He shakes his head, his jaw clenching. “Well, we can date. We can get to know each other. All I know is that I want you, and no matter what happens, Olive will always be our number one priority. Nothing will ever change that. I just want a chance for our family to be together. I’m fucking crazy about you.”
"I-I… I just need time to think about it. Can you give me a few days, please?”
Nodding, his thumb absentmindedly strokes across my cheeks before he lets go and takes a step back. “Take all the time you need, Mads. Just please, don’t shut me out. Give me the chance to give you both the world.” He leans down and places a lingering kiss against my cheek before he takes his jacket off the back of the chair and shrugs it on.
“Call me, when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.”
Without another word, he walks out the front door, leaving my heart and head more at war than ever before.
Twenty
It’s been an entire day since I walked out of Maddison’s apartment, leaving our future in her hands. An entire day that I haven’t been able to stop obsessing over what her decision would be. An entire day my stomach has been in knots, so when Reed called and asked me to meet him and the guys at the rink, I jumped.
I needed to get out of my house and to stop checking my phone every five fucking minutes, willing it to ring.
The plan was to keep myself busy, not that I was accomplishing it very well since all I could think about is my girls.
“Man, she’s beautiful, Wilson. She definitely has your nose.” Bart, the Avalanches equipment manager, says as he glances at the photo of Olive on my phone. I couldn’t help it, everywhere I went, I wanted to show her off to the world, except I couldn’t because of the media. The second they get wind of Olive; it’ll be plastered on every national news outlet there is and the last thing I want is to expose her or Maddison. I’m worried they’ll take all of the good that is Maddison and I and taint it somehow, convey her in a way that is less than what she is and all I want to do is hold the both of them close and protect them, always. That’s why I told her, first and foremost, how important it was to keep them to myself, because I won’t stand by and watch something happen to them. I want any announcement we make to be on our terms.
I’m surprised The Puck Bunny hasn’t already found out and plastered it on their homepage. She has a habit of taking whatever she can about me and fucking running with it. Even though I’ve done everything I can to keep off her radar, especially now.
“Thank you. I love that little girl more than I’ve ever loved anything. She’s my world.”
Clapping me on the back he laughs. “That’s exactly how it happens too. Suddenly, this little one comes into your life and takes everything you thought you knew and flips it on its ass.”
I nod and glance down at the photo of Olive. He’s right. My life was… empty before her, and I didn’t even know it until I saw her for the first time. Her ruddy cheeks paired with her toothless, lopsided grin remind me so much of her mama. My heart dips. It’s only been a day since I’ve seen her, and it feels too damn long. I miss her. It’s not that Maddison wouldn’t let me see Olive; I just want to give her space to make a decision.