揝he said I had to find something that wasn抰 already something I enjoyed, so that knocked out a lot of things like carpentry, plants, puzzles,?he starts ticking things off on his fingers, 揷amping棓
揧ou like camping??
I hate that I抦 practically panting at the visual of Thayer in the outdoors. A shirtless Thayer chopping wood? Sign. Me. Up.
I suddenly have a desire to go camping.
揑 love it,?he says with a grin, his eyes lighting up. 揑 go a lot. You should come with me sometime??
揂re there bathrooms??
His smile grows bigger. 揟here are trees.?
I sigh dramatically on purpose, fighting a smile. 揑 guess that could work.?
揧ou抎 seriously go camping with me??Now, he chooses to look doubtful.
揝ure, why not??I set my plate aside and lay down on my side, mimicking his pose.
揌uh. I guess I thought that wouldn抰 be something you抎 enjoy.?
揧ou don抰 know until you try.?
揧ou never went camping as a kid??
I snort at that. 揘o, definitely not.?
揑抣l take you sometime. I know it抯 hard right now with your mom, but I promise someday we抣l go.?
揑抎 like that.?
And it抯 crazy, but I really would.
The sun starts to set in the distance, and I抦 surprised by how much time has passed. Thayer must be too, because he sits up and starts gathering our plates up.
揑 better get you home before it gets any later.?
I help him pack everything away and we make the trek back through the muddy grass to his truck.
揑 want to see those bows and outfits of Winnie抯 sometime.?
He shakes his head. 揘ever gonna live it down, am I??
揘o,?I laugh lightly, 揹efinitely not.?
In the truck he holds my hand, our fingers wrapped firmly together. I keep looking at them, his skin a golden-tan against my paler tone, and I can抰 help thinking to myself how I never want to let go again.
Thayer drops me off in my driveway, giving me a peck on my cheek. A part of me is disappointed after the kiss we shared previously, but I realize he抯 trying to take things slow with us.
Letting myself into the house, I find my mom asleep already and Georgia sitting in the chair crocheting a pair of baby booties.
Never thought I抎 see the day that my sister was doing such a thing, but here we are. It makes me smile, seeing her so happy and content with her family. She deserves all the happiness in the world.
She makes a shushing motion with her finger when she sees me in the doorway, as if I hadn抰 already noticed mom抯 sleeping form.
揌ow抎 it go??She mouths the words.
揂mazing,?I mouth back.
She smiles, tucking the booties back into her bag. She stands up, pressing a hand to her lower back. She points to the kitchen, and I follow her.
揑t抯 not even that late and I抦 ready to crash.?She yawns, covering her mouth with her hand. 揃ut I expect a full report on this date later, you hear me??
揧es.?I stick my tongue out playfully. 揌ow was Mom??
揟he usual.?She shrugs, biting her lip. 揑 don抰 think she has much time left.?Her eyes dart helplessly to the living room. 揑 know she抯 fighting to hang on as long as she can, but ?I think it抯 coming soon. Doing what I do, you start to sense it after a while.?
I close my eyes and nod. 揑 hate this.?
揗e too.?
I open my arms and my sister returns the gesture. We hold on tight, united in our pain and grief. It抯 so difficult mourning someone who isn抰 even gone yet梚t feels like a betrayal in a way, even though she knows it抯 coming too.
揑抳e gotta go.?She pulls away, dabbing beneath her eyes with a finger. 揑抣l talk to you tomorrow. Probably stop by too. I want to spend as much time with her as I can.?
I open the door and see my sister out to her car.
Standing on the driveway, I watch her pull away. Before turning to go back inside, I hear the clinking sound of a dog collar and spot Thayer with Winnie across the street.
A big pink bow is around her neck.
Like he can feel the weight of my eyes, he looks over at me and lifts a hand in a wave.
I smile, and it feels good despite the heaviness in my heart.
CHAPTER 24
SALEM
The next morning, I抦 sitting on the front porch with my mom after eating breakfast, knowing I have to drop a bomb on her. Despite the already warm day, there抯 a blanket draped over her lap. She rubs the material between her fingers like she抯 trying to memorize the sensation. Across the street, she watches some kids playing in the front yard with their golden retriever. I wonder what she抯 thinking, but I don抰 want to ask.
揗om,?I say softly, getting her attention. I wrap my fingers tighter around my cup of orange juice, trying to brace myself for what I抦 about to tell her. 揟here抯 something I have to tell you.?
Her eyes slowly move to where I sit in the rocking chair beside hers. 揥hat is it??She looks curious, alert.
揧ou know Seda isn抰 Caleb抯 biological child, but I never told you who her father is.?
揂nd you抳e waited until I抦 on my deathbed to tell me??She抯 amused, not a hint of anger, but I still feel bad.
揑t never seemed like the right time,?I admit. 揑t抯 stupid, I know, but I don抰 think I knew how to handle a lot of this. Getting pregnant wasn抰 a part of my plan, and then I got back with Caleb, and we were married, and it all just厰
揕ife passes in a blink.?She covers my hand with hers, her skin cool to the touch despite the warmth of the outdoors. 揟ime is strange, the way it feels like not much has passed but then you realize it抯 actually been an entire lifetime.?
揧eah.?I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear with my free hand.
揥hy do you want to tell me now??
揃ecause it should抳e never been a secret.?I duck my head with shame. 揑 was scared, and angry, and I just ?I didn抰 handle things the way I should have.?
揧ou were young, Salem. We all do stupid stuff, even when we抮e older, what matters is that you learn from it.?
I swallow past the lump in my throat. 揑 fell in love with someone older than me,?I start the story, 揾e didn抰 take advantage of me, I promise you that, but it was intense. I had never felt anything like it before. I didn抰 know I could feel things the way he made me feel them. I thought I knew love, but he showed me everything I thought I knew was wrong.?I take a deep breath, this is harder than I thought it would be. 揑 fell hard and fast. I thought I抎 get over him, but I never have.?I wipe away a tear that tracks down my cheek. I make myself say it, put it out into the universe and make it real. 揟hayer is her father.?
She stares at me for a long moment, never breaking my gaze.
Nothing at all could possibly prepare me for the words that come out of her mouth.
揑 know.?
揧ou know??I flounder to understand how she could possibly know. 揌ow??
She shakes her head. 揥ell, I couldn抰 be certain he was Seda抯 father, but I did notice resemblance and as far as your relationship with him ?honey, I抦 your mother. I know you thought you were being sneaky, but you really weren抰。 I figured it out pretty quickly.?
揂nd you never said anything because??
揃ecause you were happy. After everything, why would I try to take that away from you? I抦 not saying I liked it, but I understood it.?
揂nd you ?all these years you抳e been friends with him since I left, why??
揃ecause he needed a friend.?She shrugs like it抯 so simple. 揂nd he knew that I knew, so I think he felt safe talking to me.?
My jaw drops at that. Here I thought I was the one who was going to be dropping bombs on my mom and it抯 reversed. 揥hen did he know??