“And then the rumors started about her throwing up at school. She’d been caught a few times by some girls who told everyone. At that point, she’d lost so much weight she looked like a walking corpse. She would eat and then disappear, but I never believed she was purging…”
His nostrils flare. “I should have done something about it, but nobody listened to me back then like they do now. I would tell people to stop screwing with her, but few people listened. Then some teachers heard the rumors and contacted her parents, and it spiraled. She couldn’t take the negative attention anymore.”
I hold my breath when I hear the sadness weighing down his words. “Kaiden?”
Our food comes and gets set in front of us, feeding the intensity of the moment. When the waitress disappears, Kaiden’s eyes meet mine.
“She committed suicide.”
My lips part.
I notice the slightest tremble of his hand resting on the table, so I reach over and put my hand on top of his. He stares like he doesn’t know what’s happening, then flips his palm and wraps his fingers around mine.
Ignoring the delicious smell of the food in front of us, I ask, “Is that why you’re set on stopping people from giving me crap at school?”
“I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
I give him an appreciative smile.
He huffs, letting go of my hand. “Guess it doesn’t matter much, does it?”
My smile disappears.
No. I guess it doesn’t.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Christmas is in a couple of weeks. Dad and Cam ask to talk to me after dinner one night, so I stay behind while Kaiden goes upstairs to get ready for another movie night.
Sometimes I wish I could read Dad better, because his features almost never change. “What is this about? Did I do something?”
Cam’s eyes widen. “Oh! No, it’s nothing like that. Your father and I were just thinking about plans for the holidays. Usually we do a family dinner here. You know, a big lunch after opening presents and all that. It’s tradition to have the entire family here for it.”
Fighting the urge to wince over the idea of their entire family doing this every year, I stare at the placemat on the table. It’s white with snowmen and reindeer on it.
Had Dad ever mentioned inviting me to their celebration? Whenever we’d talk around the holidays, he’d just wish me a good one and tell me he sent my present. It was always a gift card to Amazon, which I always took the longest to spend because I hated using anything he gave me.
Dad brings me back. “We were wondering if you had plans to go to your mother’s house for the holidays.”
“Not that we don’t want you here,” Cam jumps in, smiling at me. “In fact, we were hoping you’d spend it with us. I think Kaiden would love that. You two get along so well.”
If they only knew how well.
“Uh…I haven’t really talked to her about it,” I admit, squirming. Grandma called me the other day after I spent some time texting Mama, asking me what we had planned here. When I told her I wasn’t sure, she didn’t push it.
“Do you think she’d want to come?” Cam asks excitedly. “Your grandmother too, of course. It could be good for them to see you here. You could show them your room.”
My eyes cut to Dad. He looks a little uncomfortable, but nowhere near as much as I feel. “I think it’s a good idea,” he admits.
I blink a few times. “You…what?”
He takes a deep breath. “Your mother and I haven’t been on great terms for obvious reasons. We have our differences, but we also have you. If you want to spend your Christmas with them, we’ll understand. However, if you’d consider staying here to spend it with us, the invite is extended to them. That way you can see all of us on the same day.”
I’m not sure what to say. Dad and Mama in the same room after all these years? Grandma never has anything bad to say about him, but I know she loves Mama. I can’t say she blames him for how she is, but I don’t rule it out.
“Do you think…I mean is that a good idea?” I doubt, frowning. “You and Mama haven’t spoken in a long time, right? She’s not the same person you knew.”
Cam rubs Dad’s arm. “We spoke to your mother last night. Your father left the invitation open in case she wanted to come. She’s welcome here anytime, Em. I hope you know that.”
I stare.
Dad straightens. “Cam is right. Your mother and I will always have a past, but you’re important to both of us. She can come here and visit. I know it’s quite a drive, but it might be good for all of us to be together for Christmas.”
“Mama and you?”
“And you.”
“Like…in the same room?”
He chuckles, which sounds so foreign coming from someone as serious as him. “Yes, Emery. In fact, she seemed interested in the idea. Your grandmother thinks it’ll be good.”
“Fun,” Cam corrected. “She said it would be fun. She even said she looked forward to seeing Kaiden again.”
I sink in my chair. They had no idea he’d gone to see me until we arrived back together a day earlier than I was supposed to return. Dad looked suspicious and Cam looked happier than ever. Neither said anything about it though.
“Yeah, Grandma liked him,” I mutter.
Dad grumbles.
“So they’re coming?” I ask.
“That’s up to you,” he replies, shoulders pulled back. “Your mother and I agreed that it would be your decision. We won’t mind whatever you choose.”
Did I want to spend Christmas there?
No.
It’s a brutal admission, but one I can’t help but make. Mama and I talk more than before, but it’s still strained. She only calls once every couple of weeks to tell me how support group is going or to share stories from work about the excuses that kids make to try getting out of class just to nap in the nurse’s office. We text more times than not, and the replies are sporadic.
Christmas all together? I should be happy for them offering, but jealousy settles into my chest over them thinking of this now. Where was our invitation before I moved? Did they think I wouldn’t want to come? Did they even think about me beyond the usual gift card purchase?
Pressing my lips together, I will myself to take a calming breath and exhale through my nose. “It could be good. I miss them.”
Cam’s smile grows.
Dad remains stoic. “Are you sure?”
Are you?
“Yeah,” I choke out, shrugging. “I think Christmas here will be fun. Different.”
Not knowing what else to say, I ask to be excused. There’s a warm bed and new movie waiting for me upstairs. It beats this conversation a million times over.
They tell me goodnight.
When I get upstairs, Kaiden’s smirk is what I’m greeted with. “Something tells me this Christmas is going to be the most interesting one we’ve had yet.”
“Eavesdropping much,” I mumble, grabbing my pajamas and heading toward the bathroom.
His laugh is what I’m greeted with as I close the bathroom door.
I wake up to the caress of warm kisses down my shoulder and back from where I sleep on my stomach. Still groggy from sleep, I unwrap my arms from the pillow I’m hugging and turn onto my side.