Behind me, a person called, ‘Rachel?’
I turned. It was – of all people – Quin. ‘Hey!’ Spontaneously, I gathered him into a hug. Smiling into his face, I declared, ‘It’s so nice to see you.’
In less excitable but still friendly tones, he said, ‘And it’s so nice to see you.’
We stood, grinning at each other – which was strange because our last encounter had been absolutely horrible.
‘How are you?’
‘I am …’ He had to think about it. ‘I’m okay. You? What are you up to?’
I slid my hands from his shoulders, I shouldn’t be pawing him. ‘Going to Aldi. You?’
‘Going in here.’ He pointed at Marks & Spencer.
‘Of course you are.’ I’d just remembered who’d given me the tip-off about the Monday night shopping – Quin! Who else?
‘Have you time for a drink?’ he asked.
‘Sure. Where should we go? Oh, you’ll know somewhere fabulous.’
He cast a hunted glance around the glaringly bright concourse. ‘The best I can come up with is the café in House of Fraser. Jesus, I can’t believe I just said that.’
‘Haha, come on, let’s go.’
‘I’d honestly prefer to sit in a shop doorway and drink bottles of Buckfast. There has to be someplace better … Got it. Five-minute walk outside. You up for that?’
‘Sure.’
Escaping the glass and chrome monolith, we made our way along Dundrum’s original small-town streets.
‘In here, Rach.’ Quin pushed at a low door on the main street and ushered me through a tiny pub to a flower-filled courtyard beyond. Very quiet – not many takers on this summer night.
‘It’s gorgeous,’ I said. ‘Why am I even surprised?’
‘Obviously spending time with the wrong sort of men. Drink? Fizzy water?’ In moments, Quin was back with a bottle of IPA and a glass of water. He sat opposite me.
‘Thanks, I –’
‘So?’ He interrupted. ‘You and your ex-husband?’
God. No pleasantries, just straight in? Okay.
‘He went back to Denver. It was just a, you know, a one-off.’
A shock of sadness lit Quin’s eyes. ‘So it was all for nothing.’
Not exactly. Luke and I didn’t pick up where we’d left off all those years ago, but some good had come from our night together.
Quin cleared his throat, then he fixed me with a look. ‘You sort of … broke me, you know?’
‘I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I was – am – incredibly sorry for hurting you.’
‘I missed you badly. It was … hard going for a while. I loved you, you know. Did you ever … feel …？’
‘I did love you.’
‘But?’
‘I wasn’t ready. To commit, fully. I was stuck, as Nola kept saying.’
Silently, we both stared at the table. I began circling a knot in the wood with my thumbnail.
Quietly, he said, ‘I’m sorry, Rach. In a lifetime of dick moves, sleeping with Golden was the most dick of them all.’
‘Quin, no. It was my fault.’ The business with Golden had shocked and wounded me. But as far back as our first night in Barcelona, Quin had intuited what I was unable to face: that I’d fallen for Luke again. Quin had been thrashing about in pain, he hadn’t been able to help it. ‘I should have stayed away from Luke. Anyone could see it was dangerous and I did it anyway.’
He sighed heavily. ‘I was trying hard to be Mr So-Not-Bothered.’
The tip of my thumb was moving in furious circles on the tabletop.
His head bowed, Quin spoke quickly. ‘I was okay for the first week or so that he was around, then I began to feel the way I had during the weeks, months, whatever, when Shiv had stopped loving me and I was trying to not know. When you wake in the middle of the night and you know you’re right to be scared –’
‘Quin, I’m sorry –’
‘– when you said you wanted to sleep with him, it was almost a relief.’
Carefully, I said, ‘No judgement here but … you’d already slept with Golden by then?’
He winced. ‘Got my retaliation in first, just like I did with Shiv. As if that was ever going to work. Have I learnt nothing?’
‘Next time,’ I said. ‘You’ll get it right then.’
‘I dunno. Old dog, new tricks …’ He laughed and shook his head. ‘If the ex-husband hadn’t reappeared, do you think you and I would have gone the distance?’