Something in me snapped and melted. I climbed up on his lap and wrapped myself around him, legs clamped around his waist, arms winding themselves around his neck as he buried his face into mine, his arms anchoring me to him as he breathed me in. We stayed like this for a minute or an hour, clinging to each other while the world as we knew it disintegrated around us.
I leant my forehead against his. ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too.’
‘—and I know you’ve convinced yourself that this move would be for us, but it’s for you. And that’s okay. This is your moment. We can make long distance work. This is worth it.’
Seye opened and shut his mouth before he straightened up, his arms loosening their hold on me. ‘I . . . I don’t think I can do that, T.’
My throat tightened. I suddenly felt an odd sensation of intense nothingness. It was as if the hurt was too immense, my heart too broken, and so my whole body was pulling me into self-protection mode, stopping me from fully feeling the brunt of the love of my life telling me that he didn’t think I was worth it.
‘Right.’
I climbed off his lap. He wasn’t prepared to do long distance but I was supposed to be prepared to leave everything I knew behind to be a budget Real Housewife. We sat silently next to each other for a few moments, before Seye lifted my limp hand to his lips and kissed it. Then he walked away.
Two years dissolved into nothing. Dissipated into the air. Thanos snap. Dust. It was the last time we spoke to each other.
I’d seen he was doing well. His recurring gig as the wise-quipping mate of some super rich teens living in New York got upgraded to series regular. He played the son of a fraudulent African politician. The part of Africa wasn’t ever really stated, but, according to the guy who played his dad, whatever country he was from boasted an impressive accent that was a mixture of Zimbabwean, Nigerian and some alien colony that only communicated in guttural grunts. He shone with what he was given, eking out depth from what was initially a two-dimensional character. It’s what landed him Rough & Reckless, a movie that tripled his star power, playing a rogue ex-cop with a need for speed and women with unfathomable hip-to-waist ratios. Somehow, he even managed to make that watchable.
Tiara’s Top Tips
Try not to fall in love with someone passionately dedicated to their craft, because after they’ve broken up with you, you will still be impressed by them. You may find yourself unable to distinguish between your feelings of professional admiration and feelings of a deep and irrevocable love.
My phone rang and the name of my best friend, Kameela, replaced the picture of Riley Dawn and Kourtney Kardashian doing kissy faces at each other. As usual, she seemed to sense when I needed saving from myself.
‘You okay?’
I swallowed some of the granola that was in my mouth. ‘I’m fine! Look, I knew he would come back eventually. It’s cool!’
‘Are you stress-eating granola?’
I picked a raisin from between molars, reached out for the quarter glass of stale wine from my bedside table to wash it down.
‘No.’
‘Are you watching the award ceremony tonight? I’m watching it with Malik. Seye’s category is coming up soon.’
Tiara’s Top Tips
Never hang out with your boyfriend and invite along his best friend and your best friend. Never go to Afropunk Paris together, never go to see Frank Ocean together and definitely don’t go to Nando’s together. Never encourage your best friend and your boyfriend’s best friend to get together, because they could end up, selfishly, having a stable and loving relationship, meaning all your lives are entangled forever, long after you have broken up.
‘I don’t know. Do you know if Riley Dawn is with him? By the way, can we talk about how stupid the name Riley Dawn is?’
‘So stupid. Surname as a first name and first name as a surname? Ridiculous. But anyway, why would she be with him? The award isn’t for Rough & Reckless.’
‘They’re obviously dating. I mean, Instagram posts from the same location? Please.’
‘They are literally colleagues, Tiaraoluwa. Look, don’t you think your projection on to Riley Dawn is really about something else . . .’
I hated when she full-named me. ‘Don’t shrink me! I am not your patient. Did you know that Seye has a dog now? Called Huck! Like, from Scandal. Can you believe that? I got him into Scandal. He’s a Boxer. Riley also has a dog called Dougie – so stupid – and there’s a picture of Dougie and Huck together on her Instagram, hashtagged RuffAndReckless. Get it? I mean, really, the whole thing is just such a performance. Has the movie ended or what? I can’t even tell.’