The car glides to a halt, and when his eyes pop open, they are full of pain. I should probably feel some modicum of pleasure to have inflicted even an ounce of the agony he inflicted on me, but I get no joy out of seeing him hurt. “Do you love him?” he whispers, piercing me with an anguished look.
I’m not going to hide anything, and I have done nothing wrong. “Yes.”
He buries his head in his hands, and the urge to comfort him is riding me hard, but I don’t move a muscle. After a couple minutes of awkward silence, he lifts his head, spearing me with fearful blue eyes. “Do you still love me?”
“Yes. I do. I love you.”
Relief floods his face. “I can work with that.”
“Reeve…”
“I know, Viv. You don’t need to say it. I know you, remember?”
Taking my hand, he helps me out of the car, and I let him hold me as we take the elevator to the top of his apartment building.
“I got the penthouse, but it’s not huge. At least, not compared to where we both grew up.” Taking his keys out of his pocket, he opens the door.
“I lived in a penthouse in Dublin, and I actually loved that it was smaller. Much easier to clean.”
“I can’t wait to hear about your trip. What is Ireland like?” he asks, pulling me into a large bright open living space. On the right is a massive kitchen with white cabinets, stainless-steel appliances, and dappled white-and-gray-marble countertops. A matching island unit separates the kitchen from the dining table, and beyond that is the living room.
“It was amazing. I’ll tell you all about it, but wow. This view is to die for.” I march past the gray leather sectional toward the far window. All the windows in this space are floor-to-ceiling windows offering incredible views of the Pacific Ocean in the near distance.
“I bought this place for the view,” he states, coming to stand alongside me. “I probably should’ve bought a place in Beverly Hills or West Hollywood to be closer to the studios, but I wanted to be near the ocean. Now that I’m clean and sober I’ve taken up running again, and I jog every morning at five a.m. down at Santa Monica Pier.”
“Clean and sober?” I inquire, looking sideways at him.
“I attended an outpatient rehab clinic for a couple months to wean myself off all the shit I was doing. I saw a therapist there too.”
“It was that bad? Why didn’t I see it?”
“It was hella bad after that photo surfaced. I reached a real low point, but ultimately, it was a turning point. It was at that juncture I decided to turn my life around. As for why you didn’t see it—I didn’t want you to see it, Viv. And, before you ask, I didn’t do much shit when I was with you. I didn’t need to.” He softens his voice, brushing his fingers across my cheek. “You’re the only drug I need.”
“No drug is healthy, Reeve. They’re all addictive and damaging to your health.”
“Except you. You were always good for me. I was a fucking fool to have vented my frustration at you instead of confiding in you and letting you help me make the right decisions. I’ve grown up a lot these past few months. I missed you like crazy.” He traps my face in his palms. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Vivien. I have missed your gorgeous face.”
Staring into Reeve’s handsome face, being back in L.A. with him, I realize I’ve really missed him too.
“Do you think you can ever forgive me?”
I circle my hands around his wrists. “I already have.” He arches a brow, looking shocked. “I needed to forgive you to heal. I saw a therapist in Ireland, and she helped me to that realization. I know you didn’t intentionally set out to hurt me, Reeve. I’m angry you made so many stupid decisions. I’m mad you turned to drugs and that bitch instead of me, but hearing your explanation helps me to understand it a little better.”
He moves to kiss me, and I jerk back out of his hold, raising a hand. “That doesn’t magically solve everything. You still betrayed me, and that’s not something I can forget in a hurry. Earning my trust again will not be easy, and I can’t promise you anything, Reeve. You don’t own my full heart anymore, and I’m a bit of a hot mess now, in case you didn’t notice.”
“I know I have a lot to do to prove my intentions are true. I need to work hard to regain your trust, but I’m going to do it. I’ve already set things in motion, and I won’t stop until I’ve got you back.” He closes the gap between us again, gently pulling me into his arms. “I can’t exist in this world without you, Vivien Grace Mills. I’ve tried, and it’s not worth living if you aren’t there by my side.”